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talaniman · Sep 22, 2009, 03:59 PM

At some point your going to have to learn to deal with your emotions on a more adult level, and replace game playing with honest communications.

emopunk7 · Sep 22, 2009, 09:50 PM

I haven't even cried one day since the break up. I guess the first cut is the deepest. Its like when you know things are your fault you seem to miss all the good. But since I did my best this time around I feel so happy for the most part. I feel good about the way I handled most situations. I learned from my prior experience and although I feel I did much better I know I still have more to learn and I am going to work on that now. I have been looking forward to the future instead of the past. I know there is always a rainbow out somewhere. I choose to not suffer this time around. I'm looking forward in being single for away and enjoy all of life! You guys have always been awesome! You all have a good place in my for helping me now and in the past. I will do my very best in staying focused to the future. I will be back soon... thank you!

amicon · Sep 22, 2009, 09:56 PM

Take care and good luck.

emopunk7 · Sep 23, 2009, 10:06 AM

Well I woke up a little sad because of our memories together. This can be so sad. I am trying.

Justwantfair · Sep 23, 2009, 10:26 AM

Your emotions are going to be up and down, weak and strong, but everyday you will get stronger than the last.
Just keep your head up and start worrying about you first.

emopunk7 · Sep 23, 2009, 06:00 PM

I'm did so good today... I took a shower and went to the gym then came back and now going to the movies! I'm having fun! I am trying so hard to get a six pack... almost there... will send pics when achieved... is this okay?

CFZD · Sep 23, 2009, 07:01 PM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

I'm did so good today...I took a shower and went to the gym then came back and now going to the movies! I'm having fun! I am trying so hard to get a six pack...almost there...will send pics when achieved...is this okay?

Besides that, you should also think about buidling your career. At the age of 23/24, you are at the early stage of developing your networking and learning from the wise at work. Isn't that more important for your future? ( I am not saying stop dating, just shift your focus on bettering yourself in BOTH professional level and personal level).

emopunk7 · Sep 25, 2009, 09:37 AM

So does everyone here think it is OK for my ex to sneak around behind my back just because she thinks I would get upset if she told me, even though I had asked her the first few times to please be honest (and she said ok) and then things would be different and we won't go through this?

unaffected · Sep 25, 2009, 09:40 AM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

So does everyone here think it is ok for my ex to sneak around behind my back just because she thinks I wud get upset if she told me, even though I had asked her the first few times to please be honest (and she said ok) and then things would be different and we won't go through this?

You are still dwelling in places you shouldn't be. Try to move on, otherwise you are making it impossible for yourself to get over her.

I wish · Sep 25, 2009, 09:47 AM

You don't need to criticize her actions anymore. Whether it's right or wrong is irrelevant. She's your ex. She can live her own life and you live yours. She's in the past and leave her in the past. Focus on the future.

There are so many things about her that you've pointed out to us that you don't appreciate. Now that you've broken up, you can actually list these things to yourself, so when you do meet someone new, you'll know what to look for in terms of compatibility.

emopunk7 · Sep 25, 2009, 10:04 AM

I just want to know if I'm doing the right thing because we have been together so long. But I just wanted to know if what she did is acceptable just because she thinks I would get upset instead of trying to be honest after the first 2 times when I asked her at least try to be honest.

Justwantfair · Sep 25, 2009, 10:28 AM

You are doing the right thing because right now you are the only one who wants to work out this relationship and you can't work on a relationship alone.
Past experiences are keeping her from being honest with you and although you may not like that thought, it may keep her from being honest with you. That isn't going to be a healthy relationship quality.
You both have damaged the relationship and now you have to move on, focus on you. It's hard to walk away from a long relationship, but if the relationship is toxic, you can't force the relationship to continue.
You need a new beginning.

talaniman · Sep 25, 2009, 10:41 AM

She reacted to your controlling ways and after being together it would seem more trust and freedom would have been the healthy course for this to have gone, not less.

When you try to put boundaries on others that they don't like, deceit is what you get. That's a lesson for the future, not to be controlling and insecure.

Yes insecure, as if your worried when she is not there for you when you want her to be, you get start wanting her to tell you every move she wants to make and become a dad, not a partner. Of course she was tired of it.

After all this time, my wife would have done the same thing, had I acted as you did, I think.

Cat1864 · Sep 25, 2009, 10:42 AM

Emo, I am not going to comment on her actions in the past. It is now in the past. You are not with her anymore so digging at that hurt will keep it from healing.

Move forward. Get your life on track and someday find a woman that you enjoy being with and who enjoys your company. Use what you have learned from this past relationship to not make the same mistakes twice. Use the communication skills that we are trying to help you build to talk with the future girlfriend about what you both expect in the relationship. Build the relationship together from the foundation up.

emopunk7 · Sep 25, 2009, 12:30 PM

Why does everyone say I'm controlling? She told me she was going to a club with her fam and friends and I said OK! I said have fun... She told me and I said okay! But nobody understands that she would not let me go out!! She was super controlling and that didn't make me do things behind her back! I took care of her feelings! Always! So how is it that its OK for her to go behind my back more than 3 times even when I let it slide a few times? How is it fair? And don't you get it? I was asking her to be more honest and she said she would but she wudnt tell me when she was going out... so what was I to do? It was her choice... plus suppose all this is wrong... people who rele care would go to couple therapy and not give up... so please!

Justwantfair · Sep 25, 2009, 12:34 PM

Because you expect that she can't go to the clubs because it is your fear that she will find another guy. That is insecurity controlling her to try and keep her under your thumb, so you don't risk losing her.

Your opening post, she did not tell you, she went, you found out by calling her and hearing the background noise. Do you remember the original post? It's at the top of every page.

emopunk7 · Sep 25, 2009, 12:52 PM

No... I know she didn't tell me about that night. But one time before that she did tell me she was going with her family and friends... I said for her to have fun... but that's what I mean... she would never let me go to a club or with a friend late at night but yet she would go behind my back so many times and maybe its so that if I don't find out then she won't have to deal with me going out. So I think that's y she hid it... but that's irrelevant... she still went out behind my back and I never did that to her... thats my point. Its not fair. Right? This is my question. I need it answered. No beating around the bush... answer that please.

talaniman · Sep 25, 2009, 12:55 PM

If you felt it was unfair, you should have dumped her. When you condone bad behavior, you get more of the same.

Justwantfair · Sep 25, 2009, 12:55 PM

No, it's not fair.

But it doesn't matter. This isn't about fair, right or wrong, this is about moving on and dwelling and obsessing.

She doesn't want to be with you right now. You have to move on with your life, you don't get to dwell and obsess over her.

Cat1864 · Sep 25, 2009, 01:29 PM

she still went out behind my back n I never did that to her..

Originally Posted by emopunk7

it has been an issue before. I think we both have to sneak in order to hang out alone with others

There is also the "payback" to teach her a lesson.

Definition of never: Not ever. Has not happened before. At no time.

"...we both..." means that BOTH of you have done the same thing. Not just her. YOU, too.

Stop rewriting history to suit your desires and look to your future. As long as you are caught up in proving that she was a lying, two-timing whatever, you are not going to heal.