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Tiff1982 · Sep 23, 2009, 09:50 AM

I'm currently dating a guy who doesn't have his papers and it's putting a strain on him and I. He works at a barbershop off the books and he's does construction here and there. Basically his brother (who lives with him) hogs all the customers at the barbershop and is not willing to split the costs nor the customers with him so he's having a hard time making ends meet. He has two sons back in st lucia that he has not seen in six years but keeps in contact with them by phone. He has the rent which is 825 a month that he splits with his brother. I really like this guy and he's trying very hard but his situation is pushing me away and the only way this can work is if he gets his citizenship. I want to stick by him and encourage him to do what's right but my patience is wearing thin. He doesn't do anything to get himself in trouble nor has he pressured me to do anything illegal to keep him here (thank goodness) but he can possibly still go back to his country and I may never see him again. Plus he constantly complains. Should I continue to deal with him? Our feelings for one another are getting strong but I don't want to get my feelings hurt. Should I do some research on st lucia and if so how do I go about doing it? Thanks.:confused:

I wish · Sep 23, 2009, 11:35 AM

There's only so much you can do for him. He's the one who decided to come to your country and make a life for himself. So it's up to him to figure things out.

Sounds more like you need to back away and let him get his life in order before you continue this relationship. Like you said, it's possible he might return to his home country and you may never see him again.

Furthermore, he has 2 children, who are his priority. So where's the mother in all this? He just left his children at home? He seems like he has a lot of baggage.

Tiff1982 · Sep 23, 2009, 11:42 AM

Both of his sons are in St lucia with their mother so he sends money out there to them.

I wish · Sep 23, 2009, 11:44 AM

Is he married to the mother? How do you know he's not cheating on her? There's just too much baggage and uncertainty. Your relationship is going to end up being all about helping him settle in your country. What about his kids? He's not going to abandon them forever. He eventually will have to reconnect with them no?

I would say, find someone else.

Tiff1982 · Sep 23, 2009, 12:25 PM

And that's what I've been trying to encourage him to do. Go see his sons but he doesn't have the money to get out there and I don't think he's in a relationship with his sons' mother because she for damn sure is not helping him all she ask for is money from to provide for their kids. It's really tough and I'm going to sit down and talk to him about this.

unaffected · Sep 23, 2009, 12:35 PM

Originally Posted by Tiff1982

and i don't think he's in a relationship with his sons' mother because she for damn sure is not helping him all she ask for is money from to provide for their kids.

Sounds like she's helping him by raising the two children he helped to create.

Tiff1982 · Sep 23, 2009, 12:43 PM

Of course and I agree 100% and I applaud her for that but I don't know if I should continue with this and if my family finds out they're going to be very upset.

unaffected · Sep 23, 2009, 12:52 PM

Originally Posted by Tiff1982

Of course and I agree 100% and I applaud her for that but i don't know if i should continue with this and if my family finds out they're going to be very upset.

First, I don't think you should be overly concerned with your family. I realize that's hard, but this is YOUR life, not theirs.

Second, I'm curious as to whether the mother of his children thinks he is being faithful to her while in America making money to support their family? Might be a good question to ask him.

As I Wish has mentioned a couple times, he definitely has a lot of baggage, which is adding lots of stress to your life and relationship. You just need to sort out whether he is worth dealing with his baggage or not.