[lynnybaydo]

My father left us when I was 4, which was about 14 years ago. I think I've figured out for myself that he left because he never wanted kids or a family, he just wanted the kind of "rock star" life. That's fine, I've accepted that and moved on.

In the custody agreement, he was supposed to visit my brothers and I for a few hours every Sunday and have us up to his house a few times a year. The last time we were up at his house was about two years ago, when he told me we probably wouldn't have our visits up to his house when I turned 18. It seems as if he's been gradually trying to get away from me. He's been phasing out our lunches on Sundays and cancelling sometimes. He hasn't called me in over six months. And the last straw that broke me down was when he didn't want to take me with him on the drive to my cousins wedding in California, he wanted me to find my own way there.

I've accepted him not wanting to be tied down, but what I can't understand is how he can't stand his only 18 year old daughter so much that he can't even be in a car with me for 10 hours. I don't know why my own father doesn't seem to like me as a person. I really don't want to talk to him about this because I have a feeling I'm going to be left feeling stupid and like I put myself out there for someone who doesn't want me. It's been really upsetting recently and I'd like some advice if anyone has any :)

[Justwantfair]

Some adults are very self absorbed, I doubt this really has anything to do with you, as much as your father doesn't have the qualities to be a good dad. He is everything parenting is not about, self-centered, self-absorbed, callous.

As far as not wanting to take you to California, it was poor that he backed out of an agreement, but many parents would not desire taking a 10 hour road trip, especially if you calculate his would be 20 hours. It would have absolutely nothing to do with the company in the car. That would be exhausting and inconvenient for a lot of people.

My mother has never really done very well by her relationship with me, but that isn't because of who I am. It's because of who she is. Some taking responsibility for your fathers self-absorbed personality. It takes someone special and dedicated to be a dad, right now, he just supplied some DNA, that doesn't make him a dad. Love yourself, that who is important.

Of course, I say all of this and know that there is a deep-rooted desire to seek your father's love and affection, but the sooner you stop hoping for that, the sooner you will not feel so let down. Know that your father probably does care about you in a way that he doesn't express appropriately. Some people are never responsible.

[lynnybaydo]

Yeah I suppose you're right. I think sometimes he should've had one of those experiences where you see what your life could have been had you made the right choice at age 25. So you don't think I should talk to him about it?

[SilentScreams]

You could talk about it, but my father is like that. When I tried to tell my dad that he hurts me by ignoring me he told me to grow up. To stop caring what people thought of me and I was like, 'you're my dad!' JustWantFair is right, you could tell him and know that you tried everything that you could to be a part of his life, but it may not change anything. Which is a very sad thing. I hope everything goes well.

[lynnybaydo]

Yeah that's true. I'm sad now :(

[SilentScreams]

I'm sorry. I hope everything works out for you...