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katlego31 · Sep 17, 2009, 04:07 AM

Hi all

I have been with my husband for 10 yrs , 7 yrs married. He never was stable in the jobs he worked for and I was always there for him. The last time he lost his job was 4 yrs ago and ever since things have been tough as I was expecting our 2nd child but I managed to pull things together. Two years ago we started fighting a lot and everyday it kept on getting worse. I got irritated by it and I started doing things on my own not informing if of everything which lead to a break down in communication. The other time I was talking to the other male friend of mine on the phone and he said he was my boyfriend and after that he kept on saying I was having an affair and that's not true. Things are not getting any better and a couples of weeks ago we had a fight and he hit me and threw my phone on the wall so now its not working anymore and instead of him apologising he said I provoked him by talking back at him. I can't stand this anymore, I'm not even in love with him anymore. Our sex life is dead, I don't have any feelings for him anymore. When he is visiting his parents house I wish he can never come back and just leave me and my kids alone. I have decided to file for a divorse and now he is threatening me that I won't take my kids with me because I'm the one who wants the divorce not him. We have a mortgage that I pay every month and he also said that house will remain with the kids all I have to do is take my bags and leave him and the kids alone. I'm so scared of losing my kids and again I don't want to stay unhappy in home that doesn't have love.if I where to stay it would be because of my children but I have need to be happy. I'm I being selfish if I think of my own happiness?? How can I want to raise my kids with the man I'm not longer in love with? Can anyone tell me what do I stand to loose when I'm the one who is filling for a divorse?? We are married in community of propety.

N0help4u · Sep 17, 2009, 04:43 AM

It does not matter who files for divorce first.
Get the divorce and file for joint custody. It is based more on who will be the best interest of the children. You say YOU pay the mortgage so why would or should you be the one leaving?
If you leave like HE wants then you will be paying the child support. Take it to court and let the Judge handle it.
The only thing I see that can be held against you is that he can say you are having an affair.

katlego31 · Sep 17, 2009, 05:21 AM

I hear you, but then how do I prove that I'm not having an affair??

stevetcg · Sep 18, 2009, 10:42 AM

Originally Posted by katlego31

i hear you, but then how do i prove that i'm not having an affair???

There is no need to prove you are or are not doing anything. A divorce court is not concerned with why the marriage is over.

stevetcg · Sep 18, 2009, 10:45 AM

File for divorce. Do not leave the house or the kids. If, once served with divorce papers, he threatens you or tries to intimidate you in any way, go to court and file a restraining order. He will be (not so) politely removed from the house.

In the divorce proceeding, file for full custody and child support.

Oh... and if he ever lays a hand on you again, for whatever BS excuse, call the police.