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bonnieros · Sep 14, 2009, 11:06 AM

I have tried to look up laws on harassment because I am the victim of e-mail harassment from my x-husband. I live in New York State. From what I have been able to decipher, it seems that I cannot go for harassment unless he physically threatens me in the e-mails.
The e-mails contain verbal abuse, emotional abuse. Profanity galore. X-husband has Borderline Personality Disorder, which is relevant here.

Also, I have been told that I cannot go for full custody unless I go to court and pay massive legal fees to get him evaluated by psychiatrists, and have to pay for lawyer and psychiatrist for her. I find it hard to believe that the only option is $50,000 and up?
There has to be other options?

Sorry for the 2-part question.

stevetcg · Sep 14, 2009, 11:37 AM

You can still call the police. They might give him a call and put a little fear in him. You should also block his email addresses.

Whomever told you it costs massive legal fees to go for full custody is misinformed. You can do it yourself for minimal cost (filing fees). You seem to be talking about having him found unfit. That is not the same as filing for full custody.

bonnieros · Sep 14, 2009, 11:46 AM

I hadn't comtemplated 'unfit to parent'. But I want to make all decisions (full custody) because I can't trust his judgement. If unfit- do I automatically get to make all decisions for our daughter?

JudyKayTee · Sep 14, 2009, 01:30 PM

Change your email address or block him - it's as simple as that. If he is threatening you in some way, then get a restraining order against him.

You can't be threatened or harassed by people who cannot contact you.

I'm also in NY - someone quoted you $50,000 for this legal representation? The Court will assign "people" to do the evaluation at greatly reduced fees.

cdad · Sep 14, 2009, 02:26 PM

Have you told them to not email you any more ? Are they following you around the internet ? Cyberstalking is a criminal offense. And that is the category this may fall under. It can also be a federal crime depending on where it originates from.

ScottGem · Sep 14, 2009, 03:35 PM

I also have a problem with your complaint about the e-mail. How do you know they contain verbal and emotional abuse, etc. You know because you open them. All you need to do is hit the Delete key without opening them!! Now I might understand it if he was sending the mails from several different addresses, hiding who it was from. In that case, cyberstalking laws may work to your advantage.

As for Full legal custody, you need to maintain a log of decisions he has objected to or made that you feel endangers your child. Build up a case of evidence that you can take to court and show them he shouldn't be a part of the decision making process.

bonnieros · Sep 14, 2009, 06:52 PM

I have told him numerous times to keep the e-mails concerning our daughter only. I understand what you are saying about not opening them; but communication is necessary due to our child. I still have to play things safely due to current joint custody.

cdad · Sep 14, 2009, 07:37 PM

Originally Posted by bonnieros

I have told him numerous times to keep the e-mails concerning our daughter only. I understand what you are saying about not opening them; but communication is necessary due to our child. I still have to play things safely due to current joint custody.

If that is the route that you have chosen to communicate for your child's benefit thet ask for a restraining order. You shouldn't have to take the abuse.

JudyKayTee · Sep 14, 2009, 08:54 PM

Originally Posted by bonnieros

I have told him numerous times to keep the e-mails concerning our daughter only. I understand what you are saying about not opening them; but communication is necessary due to our child. I still have to play things safely due to current joint custody.

If you have no choice but to communicate with him, then go back to Court with your proof and request a restraining order - absolutely.