Can't keep NC!

MysticKnight · Sep 13, 2009, 04:13 PM

Its been 3 years since my break up, and I'm still breaking NC.. sometimes once few days, sometimes once few weeks, sometimes once few months, but never able to follow through NC completely!

I think I'm INSANE, what do you guys think?

paxe · Sep 13, 2009, 07:14 PM

Well not keeping NC is like a drug. It is an unusual long time and it seems you are having hard time coping with it. You may need professional help, but ask the other person to block you from their telephone and their email, that might help.

MysticKnight · Sep 13, 2009, 08:10 PM

I don't think I need to ask, she already did.. but she doesn't want to change phone number and email address.. so I can't help it.. simply put, I had 2 gfs in between, but even after breaking up with both, I still find myself going back to my original ex.

rockie100 · Sep 13, 2009, 08:16 PM

Well, what does she think about your contacting her? Is she reseptive to you reaching out to her? Has she moved on?

friend4u178 · Sep 13, 2009, 08:18 PM

It's not your Ex's responsibility to block you it's up to you to stop contacting her. By not doing so you just keep yourself in limbo and keep the hurt alive.

Your choice buddy.

itried · Sep 13, 2009, 08:19 PM

You have to take this woman down from the pedestal you have placed her on. You need to understand that no matter how great and perfect you think she is, she really isn't.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 13, 2009, 08:21 PM

So you can't move on, where is this getting you ? Obvious? Does she have any desire to take you back, have you asked her to come back, asked her to go to counseling.
If the answer is no, then you have to just move on, even if you talk to her everyday, you still just move on.

none12345 · Sep 13, 2009, 08:23 PM

Have you been following the NC rules?

You need some will power man.

I wish · Sep 13, 2009, 08:25 PM

Every time you contact her, you reset all the progress you've made. So in fact, you haven't been in NC for 3 years, you've only been in NC from the last time you talked to her.

Every time you take a step back, you have to work that much harder to take another step forward. But you're constantly taking steps backwards by contacting her. So that's why you don't feel like you have any progress.

Follow the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

If you break the rules, you face the consequences of prolonged pain and suffering. The choice is yours.

MysticKnight · Sep 13, 2009, 08:39 PM

Throughout the 3 years, sometimes she is responsive, sometimes she is not. She got a new boyfriend right after our break up, and she has no desire to get me back.

The story is very complicated, I can write 1,000,000 words.

But the conclusion is that I can't get over her until the day I die, maybe not even, OK I AM INDEED INSANE!

rockie100 · Sep 13, 2009, 08:46 PM

Well its good to get things out. Feel free to tell your story, you might get some clarity from doing so.

friend4u178 · Sep 13, 2009, 08:46 PM

If you decide to stick with No Contact you CAN get over her it just takes time , and you have to be prepared to put the effort in to heal your hurt. It doesn't just happen.

none12345 · Sep 13, 2009, 09:00 PM

Time does heal all wounds but you got to let it work it's magic by doing nc and not breaking it. The only reason why you are still hung over her is because you keep breaking nc.

I wish · Sep 14, 2009, 06:18 AM

Every time you contact her and if she responds, you will get a sense of false hope. That's when you take major steps backwards. It just takes that much more hard work to get back to your original position, much less getting any progress in the recovery process.

You got to stay focused on recovering from the breakup so that you can move on with your life.

dreamingartist · Sep 14, 2009, 06:36 AM

When you cut your leg with a large gash, the only way to heal it is the tend to the wound. Stitch it up. Medicate it. Bandage it. And then let time heal it. If you don't do this your wound will never heal, it could become infected, and it will plague you for your life.

Your heart ripping open after a breakup is EXACTLY like that. How do you ever expect to get over her if you don't stitch up your wounds?

Stitch it up (find resolution in the breakup). Bandage it up (by working out, getting a new hobby, meeting new people). And then let it heal. (by going no contact for the rest of your life).

Then and only then can you take off the bandages and have a healed heart for the next girl. Otherwise you will never have a healthy heart and you will never find a girl who wants to date someone with unresolved baggage.

Imabadman · Sep 14, 2009, 06:57 AM

Buddy... 3 years is a long time. It's not healthy and I might even venture to say sabotaging your post relationships. I would suggest you talk to a professional.

That trail went cold a long, long time ago.

bswc · Sep 14, 2009, 09:03 AM

Everything starts from the mind.
U think u're insane, so u behave insanely.
U think about breaking NC, so you broke it and went crazy after that. Strengthen your mind and don't let it fall again!

MysticKnight · Sep 14, 2009, 07:33 PM

Time does not heal, if it does, I wouldn't be in the same position as I was 3 years ago.

I do love my 2 gfs in between, but nothing compare to her, maybe ratio of 1:10. At some point I do feel that those 2 gfs are only her replacements.

My wound is endlessly deep, and you know that there are wounds that you can't stop the bleeding no matter what you do, at which point, your ONLY option is to let it bleed you to death...

And no professional is going to help me, I'm totally hopeless!

paxe · Sep 14, 2009, 07:59 PM

You are putting your own self in that situation of yours. Nobody is forcing you to anything. The only reason why you don't heal is that you keep contacting your ex!!

It makes perfect sense, you are like a drug user, and you are using your drug. Contacting her IS your drug, and like all other people who have dependence they either cut it out or seek help. You were also dating before you started to really heal.

Do you listen to what we are telling you or do you read the stickies? Do you think you were the only one who had a terrible break up and who was clinically depressed? Look around in those forum, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. When people apply the NC rule they heal.

I was so hurt when my ex broke up with me. She kept playing and playing with me. I was in such pain, that I wanted to stop, and my brain knew that if I did NC I would have less pain. It's your own decision and you have your life in your hands.

friend4u178 · Sep 14, 2009, 08:25 PM

Originally Posted by MysticKnight

Time does not heal, if it does, I wouldn't be in the same position as I was 3 years ago.

YES time does heal but your not allowing it to because you keep breaking No Contact.

I do love my 2 gfs in between, but nothing compare to her, maybe ratio of 1:10. At some point I do feel that those 2 gfs are only her replacements.

Quite possible , but just because these 2 girls weren't your perfect match doesn't mean there's not someone out there who isn't.

My wound is endlessly deep, and you know that there are wounds that you can't stop the bleeding no matter what you do, at which point, your ONLY option is to let it bleed you to death...

Again your wound is deep but your not allowing it to heal over BECAUSE you keep breaking NC , in fact you've never really done true NC so you don't realise how much it actually DOES help when done properly.

And no professional is going to help me, I'm totally hopeless

Your not hopeless you just need to help yourself to heal , sitting on a pity pot wondering why it's not just happening automatically isn't going to help you one bit. And then your just stuck being miserable for the rest of your life. Not a clever option if you ask me.

Go NO CONTACT and stick to it , it's not easy and no one ever said it was , but no one can do it for you , you have to commit yourself to it FOR YOU.

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