[rachell76]

This guy and I met two years ago and there was instantly a spark between us. There was a lot of chemistry and even though we were only friends (because I was with another guy at the time and because we didn't live in the same country anyway) everyone thought there was something going on between us, there was a lot of flirting going on but we remained very good friends and talked a lot of the time. He went back to the US and I saw him the summer after and we were still good friends (there was always flirting). Now this summer after 2 years when he came back, things started heating up again, he flirted more than ever and wanted to see me ALL the time, he constantly stared at me, smiled at me, texted and asked to see me everday. He was so sweet and affectionate and made me feel so special. Anyway after a lot of chasing from his side we started going togther. But we both knew and agreed it was going to end when he leaves after 3 months because long distance relationships are just too hard. The first month was amazing, but gradually I started feeling he was pulling away and not as interested as before. He stopped telling me I'm beautiful like he used to all the time, stopped texting or calling unless I do, he stopped asking to see me like he used to and we basically stopped communicating like before. I talked to him about it more than once, I couldn't help but show him that I was really upset about it. Especially that we used to be really good friedns before we started going out and we promised each other that no matter what happens we will still be good friends. So when I used to talk to him about it (and I must admit the way I talk about it was a bit provokative and accusing) he used to say that he is starting to fall for me and doesn't want to get too attached before he leaves. He said that this is probably the most serious relationship he has ever been in and he genuinely is trying his best to make me haooy but nothing seems to be good enough for me. Anyway he didn't change and to me things were getting worse but to him everything was fine. I stopped feeling special at all and it was as if I was putting all the effort. He even stopped kissing me as much as he used to but he always made it seem as if I'm the drama queen and making a big deal out of nothing. I was really unhappy and asked him if he wanted to break up with me but he said he didn't want that at all. Anyway s week before he left I told him that I really don't want him to leave without us spending some quality time together since I'm not going to see him till the next year, he asked me to trust him and assured me he was going to put some effort and make time for me, but the day of his flight came and he didn't bother putting any effort into seeing me properly. We only saw each other with his friends and he was always busy and showed barely any affection towards me. He left without us talking properly about anything that's going to happen and now he only signs in once every day or two on msn and we talk for 5 minutes before he decides he has to go. Its really making me upset. Has he lost interest? Or wasn't he interested in me in the first place and was just playing around? Or is it that he is too busy now he s back and doesn't have the time to talk to me properly? Or is it that he wants me to get the point that he doesn't want anything anymore? And finally is there a way to make him realise he misses me especially that I'm not seeing him in a year? Help! :(

[Cat1864]

I am trying to figure out why you want him to come back to you.

It sounds like he left the relationship long before he got on a plane, but didn't want to hurt you. I think it is time for you to leave it too. I know it will be difficult and hurt, but loss of any type is never easy at first.

I think you have become conditioned to the thought of him being "the one". Pining away for him or making plans to get him back won't help. Let yourself explore other thoughts. Let yourself see more of the possibilities that are all around you.

[kellmybell]

This sounds very much to me like a self-preservation thing. When men have to leave their significant others, friends or family for an extended period, they usually distance themselves emotionally as much as they can. You are not the first or last woman to go through unfortunately.

It sounds to me like he loves you, but not enough. If he truly wanted to be with you and for your relationship to work I believe he would've proposed. If he's not ready to take that leap with you, I suggest you move on.

I don't mean to be blunt or brazen with you but I have spent a year in love with someone who did this same thing to me and I got to tell you, it's not worth it. You know you deserve better than that! You deserve attention and affection and love from that person, not the doubts he keeps instilling in you.

Rather than answer how to get him back... I say to you... let him go. If he matures and learns to handle an adult relationship and comes back to you then awesome! But please don't wait around for him for a year and do what I did because I've got to tell you... no one deserves the heartbreak. Especially you my dear.