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williknow · Sep 7, 2009, 03:43 PM

I`ve recently found out who my boligicial fater is and I have tracked him down and told him I got a dna test from my step brother and it came back with positive results that he is my reak father but he still won`t talk to me or acknowlege me or meet me . I`ve tried to make contact with him to find out more about my family and where I came from . But he still denys any knowledge of me when I have proof that he was told and he ran away when he found out . Not that I want anything from him but what rights does a son have .

stevetcg · Sep 7, 2009, 04:55 PM

None. If he doesn't want to know you, that's his decision and there is nothing you can legally do about it.

williknow · Sep 7, 2009, 08:08 PM

Harsh words I must say...
So what your saying is I can`t make him see me its his decision and I have to respect that . I find that very hard to swollow . Their must be a law saying that I have some rights to ask questions about my extended family... what if he dies am I entitled to contest the will if there is a will if there is any will and I`m not in it because of him not mentioning it to anybody that I exist ?
If he is taking the hard line by not meeting me and answering simple questions shouldn`t I treat him with the same respect and demand him to treat me as one of his own... children...

I`m sorry getting a bit upset that he can still not accept what he brought into the world..

Hurts

stinawords · Sep 7, 2009, 08:09 PM

You will have a claim on his estate once he passes away (unless he writes you out of the will). Other than that he has rights too and one of them is the right not to have contact with people he dosen't want to have contact with, even grown children.

williknow · Sep 7, 2009, 09:06 PM

Rubbish I can't believe that you can have a child choose to walk away and choose not to meet/talk/explain when they find you... what happened and get away with it...

Sorry but their must be laws a child has to be able to find out things...

Alty · Sep 7, 2009, 09:21 PM

Originally Posted by williknow

rubbish i can't believe that you can have a child choose to walk away and choose not to meet/talk/explain when they find you ......what happened and get away with it .......

sorry but their must be laws a child has to be able to find out things .....

You found out who your father is, that's all you can do.

You can't force someone to have a relationship with you, even if they did provide the sperm
That caused you to exist.

You asked the question, sorry that the truth isn't the answer you want to hear. Doesn't make it any less true, but I'm sure it hurts, for that I'm sorry.

This is the way it is.

Good luck.

stinawords · Sep 7, 2009, 09:45 PM

It is true. Now of course you mother could have gone to court for child support 34 years ago and that would have left him paying support until you were an adult. But no, you can't force a relationship. You found him, you may be able to find other relatives of his that would be willing to speak with you if you are really wanting to find out some history about yourself and/or a medical history but again that is up to them as well. You wouldn't want a court to force you to have a ralationship with someone you don't want to either. I'm sorry that the truth hurts, I really am.

JudyKayTee · Sep 8, 2009, 09:25 AM

Originally Posted by williknow

rubbish i can't believe that you can have a child choose to walk away and choose not to meet/talk/explain when they find you ......what happened and get away with it .......

sorry but their must be laws a child has to be able to find out things .....

Rubbish and you can't believe it? Then I would suggest that you contact an Attorney in your State and ask the same question. You will get the same answer.

This isn't the moral board. This is the Law Board. Yes, a father can walk away from a child, it's that simple. Ask your mother why she never pushed for support (and I'm assuming she didn't). He could have been supporting you all these years and maybe that would have opened the door to visitation. Only your mother and father know that.

Ask her why she never demanded DNA testing - and, again, I'm assuming she did not.

I realize you are "sorry" but there are no laws that require any parent to remain in contact with any child, no matter what the age or ages.

If your concern is your inheritance - which concern you have expressed - unless you and your father both have DNA tests you have no claim to his estate. He also could specifically exclude you if that is his choice. You state you don't want anything from him - then you go on to demand that he acknowledge you, that you meet your biological family, question whether you can inherit.

What exactly is it that you want from this man?

Yes, it's a bitter truth - but it is the truth.

williknow · Sep 8, 2009, 10:10 AM

Thanks for the advice people can be hurtfull but I`m sure they have their own demons to deal with when they close their eyes at night . All commebts and advice was taken on board and I`m looking at it diffrently now .

Synnen · Sep 8, 2009, 12:20 PM

Maybe I missed the answer to this already---but were you adopted? Or is this just a biological father that was never around?

ScottGem · Sep 8, 2009, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by williknow

i have tracked him down and told him i got a dna test from my step brother and it came back with positive results that he is my reak father but he still won`t talk to me or acknowlege me or meet me .

First, I have a question about this step brother. Did you mean a half brother? A step brother is the child of a previous relationship to a parent that marries one of your parents. A step brother generally has NO biological relationship to you. So I'm wondering who this person is and why you feel matching his DNA confirms your bio relationship to this other person you think is your father?

Second, depending on where you live, you may have some rights to get a family medical history. This is especially true if you were adopted or have some genetic issues. But this does not entitle you to have any contact with someone who does not want to contact you.

I know you felt differently, but this is a Law forum and our answers here have to conform to established statute. As you have been told there is no statute that could be used to force this person, or any part of his family, to have any relationship with you.

Had you asked before embarking on this ill fated quest, I would have advised you not to. There are several WEB sites that can match up adoptees with parents where BOTH want to. But to track down and confront a person without knowing that they want such a contact is a recipe for disaster.

Daryls_daughter · Sep 10, 2009, 10:59 AM

Well now that you know who he is, you have proof he is your father you could probably find a family tree somewhere, look up old obtuaries from them and find out things that way.

The cold hard truth is if your just finding him now he must have left before you were born (trust me I'm in the same boat)
Chances are he is trying to leave that part of his life behind, and unfortunately you are in that part. Now I can't say why, he may feel he wasn't ready to be a father, didn't atually want children, or the ever popular excuss for left behind mothers- he was just a jerk who never cared.
If he won't accept you that's his choice, now that's a fact.
My opinion is that you should try to keep in contact with you or at least the surrounding family of his until he gives up. He may just be afraid of your judgement and anger about why he left in the first place. Or he really might just be a jerk...

Synnen · Sep 10, 2009, 12:58 PM

What does it matter WHY he won't have anything to do with him?

NO ONE should be forced to have ANYTHING to do with a stranger---which is all this biological child is.

If there was an adoption involved, and a medical emergency, you MIGHT be able to get the courts involved for medical information. However, just because someone is biologically related to you does NOT, in any way, shape or form, mean that you must have a relationship with that person.

From the point of view of the father, the OP may be the intruder, part of a past better forgotten, and not part of an obligation at all--ESPECIALLY if an adoption was involved.

jmjoseph · Sep 10, 2009, 01:20 PM

This must be a horrible situation for you.

Synnen · Sep 10, 2009, 01:27 PM

Again... we don't know this is a "deadbeat dad".

This may be a man that chose adoption with the mother of the child, and the child was raised by two adoptive parents. We just don't know, as the OP hasn't answered that question.

So... if he's a BIRTHfather, part of an adoption triad--this guy showing up out of nowhere, disrupting his life, and insisting that there be a relationship there when the OP already HAD a father growing up--well, isn't that just presumptuous?

Depending on the situation, this may have ruined the biological father's relationship with his wife (who didn't know about the child), the father's relationship with his kids (who didn't know about it and are now resentful), dragged up old/bad memories, whatever.

Let's not just assume that this was a guy that walked away from a pregnant ex-girlfriend. There are waaaaaaaay too many other possible stories there, including the OP's mother never actually having TOLD the man she was expecting his child.

JudyKayTee · Sep 10, 2009, 02:27 PM

Originally Posted by Daryls_daughter

Well now that you know who he is, you have proof he is your father you could probably find a family tree somewhere, look up old obtuaries from them and find out things that way.

The cold hard truth is if your just finding him now he must have left before you were born (trust me I'm in the same boat)
Chances are he is trying to leave that part of his life behind, and unfortunatly you are in that part. Now i can't say why, he may feel he wasnt ready to be a father, didn't atually want children, or the ever popular excuss for left behind mothers- he was just a jerk who never cared.
If he won't accept you that's his choice, now that's a fact.
My opinion is that you should try to keep in contact with you or at least the surrounding family of his untill he gives up. He may just be afraid of your judgement and anger about why he left in the first place. Or he really might just be a jerk...

You are new on the board and probably don't realize that the whole story is very seldom posted. I'll go back to my question - why didn't OP's mother ever attempt to collect child support or, if she did, get that enforced?

And the "keep in contact part until he gives up" should read "keep in contact until he has you arrested for harassment."

I agree - let's not judge a man we don't know. He may or may not have his reasons, he may or may not have ever cared. The mother picked this guy and for some reason he walked away - only she knows why.

EDIT: I have read the other threads - this person is 16 and should not be on an adult board. Please read the other thread (which bounces to the third): https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/missin...ml#post1971652