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carlibee · Sep 7, 2009, 01:52 AM

I know I don't love him anymore and even now admit that he is mentally abusive to me and his 2 kids but I'm still terrifeid to leave.
How do I get the courage to leave? How do I do it? What about the kids, their school, my work?
Help anyone, please??

redhed35 · Sep 7, 2009, 01:56 AM

Are your family supportive?

Do they even know?

You need to get some outside help and support.

carlibee · Sep 7, 2009, 01:59 AM

I have no family left. My dad died in 2001 and my only sister and I don't talk because of him and the way he treated her. We didn't have a good relationship anyway she controlled me when I was younger too and don't want to go back there

redhed35 · Sep 7, 2009, 02:06 AM

Have you considered a shelter?

I know in the past they have gotten some bad press,but your safety and that of your children needs to be paramount.

Have you any friends?

Someone in work that you trust?

Try and think. Who could help you now?

carlibee · Sep 7, 2009, 02:13 AM

He got rid of friends ages ago. I go to work and come home makes me feel bad about being 5 minutes late home. I went to docs last week and been signed off with stress and they told me to phone women's aid but I'm terrified about where to go and what to do. I did talk to my personnel manager at work but felt she pittied me and wasn't much help in fact made me feel worse.
My kids are 16 and 12 and know they know what's going on but we don't talk about it
I've never been alone and I know the kids would be with me but it still hard to even think about

redhed35 · Sep 7, 2009, 02:20 AM

Look,your in a tough situation here,the doctor gave you good advice,the people there know what to do,and what your next step should be.

How long can you continue doing this.

Start today.

Make a stand.

Many women before you have been in this situation,you need to get help.

I can't stress that enough.

Often women in abusive situations find themselves cut off from everyone,that is the abuser taking all the power.

Take it back now,I know your scared,and it won't be easy,but as soon as you act,the sooner you will be free,and be able to sleep,eat and feel well.

They offer councilling which will also help you and your children.

Get the number from your doctor.

Do it today.

redhed35 · Sep 7, 2009, 02:22 AM

If you can hang on,there will be other people who will view your post and can offer you other advice which you might find more helpful.

carlibee · Sep 7, 2009, 02:24 AM

You've given good advice and its really appreciated.
I know its all about taking the stand
I just have to get my act together to do it and stick to it

Thanks for your help

redhed35 · Sep 7, 2009, 02:31 AM

After many years of emotionally and mental abuse,its often difficult to believe we have the strength and know how to free ourselves from what seems like an imposible situation..

Once upon a time I'm sure you were strong,you can be again,a little courage is what's needed.

Talk to your children,as you say they know what's going on,its time for you to bring this out into the light,and show your children you are a strong mother,and teach them that an abusive relationship is not a good relationship.

I wish you the best of luck.

Keep a check on your post for other suggestions and advice,if nothing else there is a great support system here,and women who have gone through what you are experienceing now,and they can talk the talk and by god,they walk the walk!

Cat1864 · Sep 7, 2009, 05:51 AM

Great advice, redhead.

carlibee, to help rebuild your support system try getting in touch with those friends he ran off. More often than not they have been worried about you and what you have been going through even if it has been 10 or 20 years.

Contact Women's Aid. They can give you information specific to your area and take some of the unknown out of it for you.

The counselors at your children's schools should be able to give you information about keeping them in their schools if/when you move and getting them help.

Be aware of a natural fear of being pitied. It could be concern and worry about what you are going through and how helpless the other person feels.

You have already taken the first huge step. You are talking to people about it. The next step when you take it will be with the support that you have already started re-building.

You have courage. You are already using it.