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Firefox555 · Nov 6, 2006, 06:51 AM

All right, my girlfriend was looking at her Facebook on my computer, she saw that she had a new message... and I asked her who it was from, she replied with "oh, i dont look at those messages" and quickly closed the window. I got on my computer right after and went on her Facebook while she was sitting in my room and saw these messages below...

Guy: wusup baby haha... im surprised you rememberd me... how you been?

Girlfriend: yes I remember you! Actually I was looking at Robby's pictures and I saw you so I added you... lol sorry if that's kind of akward... but I'm good how about you?

Guy: I'm real good... wasnt that you boys house, when we met?

Girlfriend: yep that was my boyfriends house where we met.

Guy: u still wit him?

Girlfriend: yeah... but that shouldn't matter to you right? I mean I see
Your in a relationship yourself?

Guy: yeah... so we on da same level... do you remember what could have happened that night wit me and u?

Girlfriend: of course I remember.. that was a good night something would have def happened if the situation had been any different! Who knows... maybe something will happen in the future. ;)

Guy: haha when am I going to c u again babe?

Now... right after I completely flipped out on her and kicked her out of my room, after I punched a hole in my wall. She was crying, hyperventalating, and throwing up... at which time I broke down and let her back in my room and let her sleep on my futon. When I woke up the next morning I let her give the explination that I would not listen to the night before. She said that it was nothing, she was just being polite at first and responding to his messages, but then she got curious as to what he would say and that she absolutely had no intentions of cheating on me. I found this sooo hard to believe, but at the same time... I trusted her ver much because our relationship has been through so much, and never once did I have any suspisions of her. She also says that if I break up with her she would kill herself, she can't live w/o me, I'm the only one she has in the world, etc. Well I told her I did not want to see her right now and to go home. I told her this repedly and she kept begging me to stay. Eventually I grew tired of this, so I told her everything was fine, I forgive her and we will have to talk about it some more... but I trust her. Well, I told her we would go watch the steeler game at her house so we drove over (half hour away) she went in the bathroom, and I left without saying anything. On my way home she called me balling saying the usual things, how much she loved me, the messages where nothing and she is coming down. I told her not to, and a few hours later she showed up and I ended up forgiving her and spending the night with her like I knew I would if she showed up. My question is, what should I do about this? I love her, and I know she loves me.. but I find myself being just disgusted by this behavior, and not trusting her like I used to... I really need help in deciding if I should break it off or not... I do not want to regret staying in this relationship, but at the same time I do love her... what should I DO?

Firefox555 · Nov 6, 2006, 09:17 AM

All right, my girlfriend was looking at her Facebook on my computer, she saw that she had a new message... and I asked her who it was from, she replied with "oh, i dont look at those messages" and quickly closed the window. I got on my computer right after and went on her Facebook while she was sitting in my room and saw these messages below...

Guy: wusup baby haha... im surprised you rememberd me... how you been?

Girlfriend: yes I remember you! Actually I was looking at Robby's pictures and I saw you so I added you... lol sorry if that's kind of akward... but I'm good how about you?

Guy: I'm real good... wasnt that you boys house, when we met?

Girlfriend: yep that was my boyfriends house where we met.

Guy: u still wit him?

Girlfriend: yeah... but that shouldn't matter to you right? I mean I see
Your in a relationship yourself?

Guy: yeah... so we on da same level... do you remember what could have happened that night wit me and u?

Girlfriend: of course I remember.. that was a good night something would have def happened if the situation had been any different! Who knows... maybe something will happen in the future.

Guy: haha when am I going to c u again babe?

Now... right after I completely flipped out on her and kicked her out of my room, after I punched a hole in my wall. She was crying, hyperventalating, and throwing up... at which time I broke down and let her back in my room and let her sleep on my futon. When I woke up the next morning I let her give the explination that I would not listen to the night before. She said that it was nothing, she was just being polite at first and responding to his messages, but then she got curious as to what he would say and that she absolutely had no intentions of cheating on me. I found this sooo hard to believe, but at the same time... I trusted her ver much because our relationship has been through so much, and never once did I have any suspisions of her. She also says that if I break up with her she would kill herself, she can't live w/o me, I'm the only one she has in the world, etc. Well I told her I did not want to see her right now and to go home. I told her this repedly and she kept begging me to stay. Eventually I grew tired of this, so I told her everything was fine, I forgive her and we will have to talk about it some more... but I trust her. Well, I told her we would go watch the steeler game at her house so we drove over (half hour away) she went in the bathroom, and I left without saying anything. On my way home she called me balling saying the usual things, how much she loved me, the messages where nothing and she is coming down. I told her not to, and a few hours later she showed up and I ended up forgiving her and spending the night with her like I knew I would if she showed up. My question is, what should I do about this? I love her, and I know she loves me.. but I find myself being just disgusted by this behavior, and not trusting her like I used to... I really need help in deciding if I should break it off or not... I do not want to regret staying in this relationship, but at the same time I do love her... what should I DO?

mr.yet · Nov 6, 2006, 09:27 AM

There will be this little guy sitting on your shoulder, whispering in your ear, "Dont trust her" the doubt will be there for quite awhile.

Your will have to decide what you are going to do>

SINGLE4 · Nov 6, 2006, 10:33 AM

At one time you say you trust her and then you say at the end that you don't know if you can trust her... HELLO... major red flags here. You obviously caught her red handed. She tried to "squirm" her way out of it. Sounds like your girlfriend has some major mental issues. She is playing games with you. Turn on the "water works" and you will forgive. WRONG! That is the oldest trick in the book. You may be able to forgive her but... you won't be able to forget. Not healthy for a relationship. You say you don't know if you can trust her anymore. You know why... because you can't.

No one should be in a relationship like this. It would have been one thing if you would have confronted her about it and she confessed. It doesn't sound like anything physical happened when they seen each other but if you stay with her, you are going to wonder is something will happen the next time they see each other.

Don't lower your standards. Find a healthy relationship.

talaniman · Nov 6, 2006, 10:47 AM

She is unstable and Iwould worry about anyone who threatens suicide to get what they want. This is not healthy, and as long as you go along with it I don't think it will get better. The love you have is a questionable under these circumstances and you need to decide stay or go. You are disgusted and have trust issues so why besides love are you staying?

Firefox555 · Nov 6, 2006, 11:41 AM

I do love her and want the best for her... and I may have said commit suicide in the wrong way, she said she couldn't live without me and she would want to die... that being said yes she dose have issues and I guess that's why I feel responsible for her, because I have helped her surpass much of them, i.e low self esteem, family problems, death of her aunt (probably closest person in the world to her) for which I was even a pallbearer at the funeral. After which she said she had no one, and I replied with "you will always have me..." The only reason for me to stay now I guess is for love. I guess my question now is, given the information provided do you think she had any intentions with this guy... or just seeking attention and would have left it at that? I have made it perfectly clear to her that I do not tolerate any form of cheating, and if she had intentions to further it, I consider this cheeting. I just caught her before the act could occur.

Wildcat21 · Nov 6, 2006, 01:09 PM

She's palying games with you. Massive games. Let her play her games - you move on.

And work on that temper - work on yourself right now.

No trust - no relationship.

chuff · Nov 6, 2006, 01:11 PM

Yep, she's a liar all right. She can be trusted. Kick her to the curb.

blondieinCAN · Nov 6, 2006, 02:37 PM

I totally feel like she's like me. Sounds totally and completely honest. You can tell at first she's just being honest, and she was pushing him to see if he liked her in the end. Makes sense because she's insecure about herself and wants love. That's all it is. With love from you, and forgivness this girl will never look at another guy. It seems! One thing I wonder though is it sounds like she added him... why did she even continue contact at all? It could have been just to see what he'd do. Ask her if she's willing to commit to being loyal during your guys' relationship. Of course shell say yes, but then you can always call her on it. But id suggest you ask her to stop contacting him now that she's had "closure" if it was a new friend, no need to be friends anymore... if she's willing to show you her trust.

Skell · Nov 6, 2006, 03:21 PM

You won't be able to trust her so I think you have to dump her and move on.
Don't be weak.

Don't let her tell you this BS about killing herself if you leave her.

That's her problem. She go herself in this situation by doing whatever it was that night she met this guy.

I dare say something happened. They probably didn't sleep together but I bet something that would lead to sex did.

It is clear. She cheated. She doesn't deserve your trust.

Kick her to the curb. Be done with her.

She's a cheater. I bet she is still messaging this guy on the computer now.

Skell · Nov 6, 2006, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by blondieinCAN

I totally feel like she's like me. Sounds totally and completly honest. you can tell at first she's just being honest, and she was pushing him to see if he liked her in the end. makes sense because shes insecure about herself and wants love. thats all it is. with love from you, and forgivness this girl will never look at another guy. It seems!! One thing i wonder though is it sounds like she added him.... why did she even continue contact at all? It could have been just to see what he'd do. Ask her if she's willing to commit to being loyal during your guys' relationship. Of course shell say yes, but then you can always call her on it. But id suggest you ask her to stop contacting him now that shes had "closure" if it was a new friend, no need to be friends anymore... if shes willing to show you her trust.

I disagree. I think she is lying and she doesn't deserve his trust.

I stand by my advice in your other thread with the same post!

Skell · Nov 6, 2006, 03:52 PM

Which is here.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...her-41146.html

There is no need to for two threads Firefox. You will get lots of replies over the course of a day or two which I am sure will offer some sound advice!

Gazzy · Nov 6, 2006, 04:46 PM

I would have to say do not split up with her man... Talk to her in a calm conversation... Ask her what she meant by the conversation.

If you love her, you don't want to split up with her, you want to find out what's on her mind, don't put too much pressure on her though. Don't interrupt her, let her talk, don't accuse her of things that you have no proof over as well.

Firefox555 · Nov 7, 2006, 08:43 PM

Ok...

Firefox555 · Nov 7, 2006, 08:45 PM

Ok... I have posted earlier and received some good advice and I decided to give her a second chance. The link to it is here for those who have not read it. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...her-41114.html

Anyway, I did break up with her but found that I had a lot of doubts about ending this relationship on such terms. We have been dating 7 months and I had taken her virginity and I know she loves me. So I drove up to her house last night and walked in to her room where she was sleeping, the moment I walked in she jumped up and hugged me. She began telling me how she was disgusted with her self, and was only doing these things for attention. She began being very honest with me, and told me about boys she used to try and get attention from (during our relationship) by flirting etc. but it would have never lead to anything. She told me that I made her realize that she dose not want attention from anyone else but me from now on, and evem thinking of what she has done makes her sick. At this point she told me that she had something to tell me, and she was scared to say it before because she did not want me to get in to a fight. She said that a few months ago at a party at my house, a guy (diff guy then in the messages) had touched her and grabbed her breast. Her reaction was not to flip out and tell me or even slap away his hands, rather she kept it to herself and just hung on me the rest of the night. I was taken aback by this new information, but at the same time she did not have to tell me this... I had already came back to her. I can't help but believe she had inticed this behavior by this guy though, because he would not have just grabbed her if he was not given some sort of permission. (reason being if she would have flipped out, it was in my house with a ton of my friends, I doubt it would have been a very good night for him). After this she tells me that she understands if I no longer want to be with her, and that she just wants me to know if I do decide to stay with her she will be a bran new person, she now knows what she is losing and even thinking about another guy to her is out of the question... I'm the only one for her. I stayed the night, and she didn't want me to leave in the morning because she was afraid I might go read the messages and get mad at her again and not come back. She kept telling me she loved me and trying to get as many I love you returns as possible out of me. And she just seemed to be genuinely scared I would not forgive her. I do know that she dose not actually "talk" to other guys at all, she just craves attention because of her own insecurities about herself. She is a very insecure person. I just want to know if you guys think she may be manipulating me in to believing her, by knowing me so damn well. Or if she is being genuine and sincere. I think she is being genuine, but I love her, so my view of the matter is skewed. Basically do think there may be a repeat in her actions further down the road? Or has she actually woken up and changed in fear of losing me? BTW She has never cheated on me I know that for sure.

Skell · Nov 7, 2006, 09:56 PM

To tell you the truth and based on all the information you have given us about her I think there is a distinct possibility that this will happen again.

I hope it doesn't. I hope she is sincere and genuine. However should she not be and it happens again I sincerely and genuinely hope that you won't be as forgiving as this time.

A person with self esteem issues and who loves and craves attention from guys is not what I would look for in a partner. It is far from ideal in my opinion.

And if she is with you why can't she try and get the attention she craves form you? Why other boys?

You have made your decision and it isn't my place to advise you to change it. However I would move forward very cautiously and slowly with this girl.

Im sure your trust in her must have been dented and therefore I would make her earn it back. Her actions and not her apologies and words and I love you's will be the true indication of how sincere and genuine she is.

Good luck!

Firefox555 · Nov 8, 2006, 08:44 AM

Yes I agree that I will have to proceed cuatiously, but I think I owe her a second chance... I don't know. I am 2 years older then her, she is a senior in high school and I'm a sophomore in college... it might just have been her immaturity?

SINGLE4 · Nov 8, 2006, 09:01 AM

Hi Firefox!

I think Skell is right. This decision is up to you and you alone. We can't tell you whether you should give her a second chance or not. Sounds as though you are willing to give her a chance and if you do... definitely use caution. Keeps your eyes open and think with your head. Watch for signs but don't be overly cautious just be aware of what is going on.

She is in high school yet and yes... she still is immature and has a lot to learn about relationships.

Wildcat21 · Nov 8, 2006, 09:05 AM

I know it will happen again. She seems VERY imature, very.

A lot of these types of women need and crave attention - it's a huge flaw in them. And many will take it too far.

YES, she has self esteem issues and constantly needs attention - not good.

I personaly don't like this gal. I think she's a lot of trouble for you.

When the coast is clear I bet $1 million she's up to her same old tricks.

Trust issues.

Homie · Nov 8, 2006, 09:18 AM

I think it is a combination of both of your immaturity--your immaturity in having an adult relationship, when, clearly you are not both adults.
Barring some horrible circumstance, the two of you have a lot of time left on this planet. That being the case, the two of you should be enjoying this relationship and each other. And your life!
If she is constantly flirting, maybe it's because she is not even out of high school yet. She is young, she has to find out what is out there for her.

In my opinion, this truly could have been an eye-opening experience for her and it may help her to focus on how lucky she is to have a relationship with a guy like you, willing to work through things, but most importantly, to communicate!
But, unfortunately, as young as she is, her curiosity about the rest of the world and/or her seemingly tremendous need for acceptance, will more than likely be an issue in your relationship until she has solved it FOR HERSELF.

Lastly, it seems that this girl has dependency issues, which do not always equal LOVE, and could explain all the flirting she does. Over half the girls in any psychology course have a crush on the professor. It's called transference. They feel a deep emotion for a person who has affected them so deeply, or changed their thinking so immensely. So it's possible she has more feelings of dependency on you rather than true feelings of romantic love. It is so sweet you can tell her you will always be there, but words don't mean anything in that situation. It ends up being an unfulfillable romantic promise. What she needs to know is that you love her, but you can't always be there. You need to tell her, "I know YOU will be there for yourself if the time comes, because you're strong enough." And she will have to accept you love her and will be there when you can. That is part of a strong, mature, romantic relationship.

Believe me, if you can get that across to her, she will love you more than ever.