[CageWalk]

Lately I've found myself in an odd and rather uncomfortable situation.

I'm a 24 year old guy who has recently returned to university after spending 3 years in the navy. It's a new environment and I'm settling in well, meeting new people.

3 weeks ago, as semester started, a girl in my class has started to slightly wear away at my patience. She:

- Constantly follows me around to the point where I sometimes find it hard to speak to my own friends. (She also has plenty of friends of her own, but whenever I go to a lecture or class she makes a beeline towards me)

- Spams my Facebook with messages and random comments.

- Sits next to me at any given chance, constantly getting really touch-feely. Usually I don't mind playful contact, but it's awkward when I don't really consider her a friend and have tried to politely make it known that I'm not interested in her in 'that way'.

She's 21, but rather immature and very very loud (I'm probably getting more irritated and noticing more things about her as time goes on). She has asked me out to drinks, which I've declined.

I've tried to not give her too much reason to hang around me, not being overly talkative and just concentrating on subject material in class. But she doesn't get the point and persists in following me around.

The last straw happened last week: As I was walking home with my friends, she followed us to the tram station. She then followed me onto the tram even though it did not go to her stop and wanted to 'talk to me about something seriously'. She then proceeds to rant on about how some other girl thinks I hate her, amongst other juvenile drama.

Long story short: I have no idea what she is talking about. I barely know this 'other girl' (who is her friend) and she is making a teenage episode out of nothing. At that moment I wanted nothing more than to barrel roll out of the emergency exit.

I'm tired of this. I am a 24 year old guy, with a full-time job. I did not leave the military just to go back to high school. I want to politely distance myself from this girl but she will not get the point.

Unfortunately, I don't want to be blunt towards her, as I will likely have another 3 years of classes with her, and our faculty is quite small. I would like to avoid gossip (since she seems to like it) or awkwardness.

Any advice would be very appreciated.

[I wish]

Just keep going about your business and talk to her as little as possible. She will eventually take the hint or simply loose interest. Just don't give her too much attention, otherwise she might interpret it as a sign of interest on your part.

[Sweet_Guy23]

She's a persistent one!

I know you don't want to be blunt. But you might have to with this female. Be blunt and firm. You don't to be mean about it. But you need to be real with this girl. Unless for the next three years you'll have a mini-me of your own.

[Jake2008]

If she were going to get the hints you've been dropping, she would have got them by now. She is oblivious to what you are saying.

If the situation were reversed, and a man was doing all these things to a woman, there would be hell to pay, including a stalking complaint to the police and a faculty investigation.

You will have to tell her, very bluntly, to leave you alone. Stop sitting with you in class. When she sits with you, get up and move.

When she interrupts you when you are talking to your friends, ignore her.

Take her off your Facebook, and block her.

Don't engage in any 'harmless joking around'; any attention you give her (good or bad) is only going to add fuel to the fire.

She has targeted you, and she's stalking you. This will only get worse until you step up and put a stop to it in no uncertain terms.

[CageWalk]

Thanks for the advice.

I could tell her outright to stop hanging around me. The problem is she considers herself 'good friends' with everyone. I can't just say 'I'm not interested in you that way', she already knows this as I've told her.

Unfortunately, despite her knowing I'm not interested, she persists on being 'my friend'. I don't want to sound cruel, but I don't really want to hang around her. How can I tell her this in a suitable manner?

She has this habit of meeting one person for 5 minutes, and then automatically assuming everyone else in that social circle is also her friend.

I've tried to avoid her, but she'll find me and force awkward conversation. If I'm talking to others, she'll suddenly appear and jump straight into the conversation.

For example, last Thursday I was talking to a girl I'm kind of interested in knowing. I looked away for a brief second and when I turned back, 'She' had wedged herself in between us trying to open an umbrella between the space she had created for herself. It was like something out of a badly scripted movie.

If I'm forced to be blunt, how should I go about it? Casually slide it into conversation? Or take her aside for a serious talk?

I haven't really told my friends about the trouble she's causing me, because I don't want others in the faculty to think ill of her.

[Jake2008]

You sound like a considerate and thoughtful person.

If you think taking her aside is the way to go, and you're comfortable with that, then try it.

Remember to be to the point, and be prepared for her to question you, or try to change your opinion, or she may attempt at compromise. Don't get caught in that trap particularly if she says "Is it okay then if I just sit with you in such and such class?"

I have been in this position before, and it was with a co-worker in a very busy office. Her schedule always happened to coincide with mine, and I lived near where she did, and it was hard to say no to picking her up and dropping her off. To make a long story short, I just flat out told her that I could no longer guarantee her rides to and from work, and I wouldn't be picking her up anymore.

It is hard to put a stop to people who just butt in, take over your space, and is suddenly your new best friend.

I think you're probably right that you will have to confront her privately, and be prepared both in what you want to say, and for her objections that will most certainly follow.

But, I doubt that her behaviour hasn't been noticed by others, and along the way, there have been people who have had to do the same thing.

Please post and let us know how this turned out for you.

[talaniman]

In life sometimes we have to tell people to just leave us alone. If they don't respond to polite talk, you have to be a bit more blunt.

[tylerwyler]

Just don't be harsh to her.