[someone27]

Hello everyone! Sorry it's been so long since my last post. Since the a lot of things have changed concerning the relationships in my life.
I have a new boyfriend and I could use an opinion on what I believe is love.
We have been together for a short time and have been through so much already. 1st, I became pregnant while on birth control. I decided along with him to have an abortion. He was and still is very supportive with my decision, probably because I included him in the decision making process. The problem with that tidbit is that he once believed that the baby I carried was not his. Yet, we remain together.
2nd, very shortly after the abortion, my ex calls to say that he has chlamydia. Just when like was at its worst, this happens. So, naturally I tell him with obvious hesitation. He was angry, upset, but understanding once again. We even discuss having sex with each other again; after this is cleared up. Lastly, what I want to know is: Does this man love me? Is this why he has put up with so much in such a short period? What would you suggest I do in order to find out about his true feelings?. or should I lv it be until he wants to express hisself to me considering our already turbulent history?

[artlady]

What would you suggest I do in order to find out about his true feelings?. or should I lv it be until he wants to express hisself to me considering our already turbulent history?

If you are intimate sexually,you should also be intimate emotionally.
You should be able to discuss your feelings and concerns without worry.
Communication is key to a healthy relationship.Talk to him and ask him where he believes your relationship is going.

You have a right to know where you stand and guessing what someone is thinking and feeling is an exercise in futility. The potential for guessing wrong is too high.Talk to him.

[450donn]

Just because you are having sex does not necessarily mean that you are in love or that he loves you. Sex is one small part of love and a relationship and sometimes sex gets in the way of what love really is.

[N0help4u]

I would say just tell him how much you appreciate his sticking by you through all the problems and it shows how much he really must care.
I would say he probably does care a lot.

[someone27]

Threads merged and edited

So... since the last time I posted.. I'm still seeing the same guy. I love this man but there's just one problem. I have yet to meet his parents! AHH! I'm so frustrated!
I asked him why and he says, he has never brought any of his gf's home to meet them and in most cases his parents already knew the family of the women he dated since they've lived in the same area of our city.
We stayed together through an abortion and an STD that my soon-to-be ex-hubby gave me. So I don't understand why this is such a big damn deal!
As recent as last night, we were talking on the phone and I brought up this situation. He countered my anger over it with a question regarding my whereabouts on Memorial day (which I spent w family and another man, we were NOT together, period). He said " you wanna meet my mother but you can't tell me the truth and remember what you told me?" I'm like, What does that have to do with NOW? We were not together at the time (once again) and I honestly don't feel as if that is any of his business unless I decided to make it so... you know?

He brings up a point that maybe he's not the right guy for me and he doesn't make me happy. I;ve never brought I'm not going as far to say we're breaking up that's not what I want anyway.
I even went as far as asking, " why did you want to be exclusive in the 1st place?" He answered because he didn't want me to sleep with anyone else... WTH? So I'm an on-going booty call? I'm I crazy or does that mean "yes"?? He says he won't sleep w me to show that that's not all he's with me for, but he turns around and says maybe he's not right for me?? I'm confused and scared mostly because I love this man and he says the same. I welcome any advice that you'd be willing to give. I appreciate you taking the time to read this long question... lol.

[redhed35]

When a man or woman wants in introduce a girlfriend/boyfriend to the parents,it's a big deal.

Mostly its means that this relationship is serious and long term..

I'm not saying this is not the case with your boyfriend,but, with so much that has already happened perhaps he is being cautious.

From your post I would agree that he cares for you,maybe its time to take some pressure off the relationship and just enjoy being with each other without the drama.

[someone27]

From your post I would agree that he cares for you,maybe its time to take some pressure off the relationship and just enjoy being with each other without the drama.

Thanks for your opinion. I think I'm going to back off a bit. Its hard for me to do so but my heart is cracking and I'm tryna save it from being broken. I just don't know what else to do... I'm so sock over it I can't even take his calls or respond to his text today because I don't really be a broken record when I talk to him. I'm taking a break from him for tonight and I plan on doing our usual wkend routine... dinner, movie, and hotel... not in that order but since I'm separated (waiting for my divorce to be final) and he lives at home as well... that's how we spend "alone" time together. I'm just confused... after being in an abusive relationship I'm quite sensitive and I admit I can overreact. I'm also not going to sit arounf while my boyfriend plays w my emotion... thx again... what you said helps a little :(

[Jake2008]

It may be hard, but I think that's the best thing to do for now.

With the relationship the way it is now, and you not having a divorce, he may see that as a negative when he introduces you to his family. And, you are really just exclusively dating right now; ease up a bit and think positive.

Has he met your parents?

[artlady]

Maybe he thinks his parents would not appreciate him dating a soon to be divorcée.

Some people have some very odd prejudices.

Perhaps they know about the STD and the abortion and have deemed you as someone not good enough to have a relationship with their son.

Who knows how much they know?

Granted,it is unfair to judge you before they meet you but people do it all the time.Rumors can be very poisonous.

There is always the thought that he may not want to introduce you because you and he have had a pretty shaky relationship thus far and maybe he does not see you together long term.

[someone27]

Thanks for your opinion... he's met my mother, brother and son. My parents are divorced so he has yet to meet my father. He doesn't even come to family functions I've invited him to... and I've haven't been invited to any of his either... but maybe your right... I should slow down...

[I wish]

It's ONLY been a few months. I think you're expecting WAY TOO MUCH from him. Definitely slow things down.

Instead of having so many expectations, you should be having fun together and getting to know each other better. I say again, it's ONLY been a few months. It should still be the honeymoon phase.

[someone27]

It's ONLY been a few months. I think you're expecting WAY TOO MUCH from him. Definitely slow things down.

Instead of having so many expectations, you should be having fun together and getting to know each other better. I say again, it's ONLY been a few months. It should still be the honeymoon phase.

I agree totally. I think I feel rushed to meet his family because I married a man w/out doing so. STUPID I know, but its important to me. As a mother, I don't take relationships of any form lightly because I have an impressionable child that I need to be a model for. Not saying that my boyfriend has spent qt w my son, but if a man makes a decision on whether to date a woman w kids than there are definitely going to be some expectations. I mean come on! As an adult, I don't date just to date. I'm concerned about my future and what that may hold in regards to my love life... it certainly isn't a fleeting affair. Lol.
Thank you for your honesty and taking the time to answer, I greatly appreciate it! And I didn't mean to include your whole message but I'm kind of new to this! Take care

[talaniman]

I think you should relax, and go a lot slower, as it seems your trying to force things before their time.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lk-303157.html

It would help us all and save you from being deleted if you stayed away from chat/text style of writing.

[someone27]

Hey everyone! Ty so much for all of your input. It has helped greatly!
So... I know that I was moving WAY TOO FAST! Lol we talked, my boyfriend and I, and made a compromise to go out together with his friends 1st. When he's ready, we'll move on to the pareantals. So... thanks again for bringing me back down to the ground regarding this situation that I made so trivial... lol.