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    cplpune3135's Avatar
    cplpune3135 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Aug 29, 2009, 03:06 PM
    Married but remained single
    My wife and I have been married for about 5 years now, we dated for 15 years (no jokes) I am 35 and she is 31. Before marriage we use to have sex a lot I would say we had sex 1-2 times a week. I was satisfied and this went on for almost 4-5 years. Then we got married. Post 6 months of our marriage everything went very well suddenly things started changing due to her or my health problems and there was heavy change in our sex encounters.
    Now...
    Healthwise everything is good no problem at all but our sex live remained there itself.
    I have attempted to make her understand my point of view but it seems everything I say leaves her with the impression that: "i am just a selfish jerk and i just want to DO her." I LOVE my wife and I love to have sex with her that is true.
    Whenever I try to speak to her regarding our sexual life she will accept it cooly and will have sex regularly for 3-4 days and then it comes back to normal.
    I don't know what am I supposed to do and how to handle this situation, I this rejection I am getting attracted towards another females/gals sexually which I am least interested to be in.
    Should I just give up on this and just be grateful for whenever she feels like it? I feel like such a jackass trying to initiate sex and being rejected constantly. I don't want anything nice I do for her to be just about sex, but at the point we're at, she really seems to believe I ONLY do kind things for her because I want to get her in the sack. I love my wife very much and feel a bit abandoned because I am not asking for any reason other than wanting to, to have sex with her. I feel like she should want to want me. At least that is what I hope for. Sorry for the long winded question but I would like opinions that are more specific than just: "buy her flowers, take her out". Thank you for any advice you may offer.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #2

    Aug 29, 2009, 03:16 PM

    It's time to talk to each other with an unbiased third party in the room -- find a trained family counselor or marital therapist. The counselor will act as a buffer and will help the two of you stay on the subject, plus explore if there are physical/emotional (body image maybe)/mental reasons the sexual problem is occurring.

    What do you think?
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Aug 31, 2009, 02:10 AM
    It sounds as if there is some underlying resentment or grievance on the part of your wife, or it could be the way that you are approaching her. Who knows - only she can tell.

    Time for a talk about your relationship - not a talk about sex. Do you still love each other? Is the health of the relationship important to you both? Do you see that you have a future together?

    If the answer is yes to all of the above, then seeing a counselor is an imperative. They can help you to express your feelings of rejection and assist your wife to voice whatever it is that is holding her back from connecting with you sexually.
    cplpune3135's Avatar
    cplpune3135 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #4

    Aug 31, 2009, 12:05 PM

    Thanks wondergal and gemini, let me try my luck there with the counselar too

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