Age gap

justme005 · Dec 26, 2008, 10:54 PM

Threads merged

Hey everyone!

So here's the deal:
I am 21 yrs old and almost finished my senior yr of college in PA. This 29 yr old guy from work, is flirting with me and he lives in NJ in his own apartment.

I have been so awful with relationships up to this point in my life. I am not like other girls who are sluts and put themselves out (though sometimes I wish I was able to do that). I have yet to have a serious relationship or have a serious crush on a guy. I am starting to get worried... I feel like I should be dating someone... I don't know what to do. I am always so worried about who my family and parents will except, etc. A few guys are interested at the moment, but I keep pushing them away... I don't know what my problem is.. I am too picky or something...

Anyway, this guy from work (who is 9 yrs older than me) has been kind of flirting with me. I have known him for about a yr and a half now. We just talk once in a while and we text message. Since I am back home for the holidays he wants to hang out. I know my mom would be pissed if she found out I was hanging with a 29 yr old. But it shouldn't matter rite? Age doesn't matter if your if you end up falling in love... rite?

So... what I am really asking is... what should I do?? I know he is more experienced sexually than me and I think he thinks I am experienced. I really like him, but I do not want to disapoint him and feel stupid. I also would like to get to know him before going further with him, but I feel like he is pressuring and rushing things with his texts. BUT maybe that's just a way to get me to hang out.. I don't know.

The bottom line here is... I feel desperate. I feel like I will never find the right guy. Like I don't try hard enough, like I don't care. But I do. I wish the perfect guy would just fall into my arms. I need soe serious advice! I see all these 24 or 25 yrs olds getting married and I feel like I am lost and way behind on relationships. What can I do?

Any help will be PERFECT! Thanks!

Justme

cbsf · Dec 26, 2008, 11:10 PM

Please be patient. You are so very young -- I can only tell you that good things come to those who wait. Don't let anybody rush you, but you do things when you feel the time is right for you. Believe that you are worth waiting for, and everyone else will, too.

As a middle-aged fart, I can say that the 20s are a time of subtle but very profound growth. I've read (and maybe someone else can corroborate) that the brain reaches its maturity at 24 years. Just about every woman I've known went through the first big relationship crisis around 25. So hang in there, and have fun!

Hamselv007 · Dec 26, 2008, 11:14 PM

Hello.

Never ever sudmit to pressure.
If you like him hang out with him - if you want to have sex with him - then do so, if not then don't, and if he complaint's about it - then he's not worth your time anyway.

About the afraid og being alone thing. Don't worry about it. Everybody fears that from time to time - when they are single. I've had plenty of date's but no serious relationship, until 2 years ago.

But everyone get's at least one chance of finding someone they care about, that I'm certain of. I'm 23 years old by the way. So wait one more year before getting worried. :)

talaniman · Dec 27, 2008, 08:34 AM

You really are making a big to do over nothing, and having to high of an expectation on yourself.

Dating is about fun and enjoying the company of others, as you get to know them. So date around, and have a great time, and leave all that other stuff your thinking about alone.

Just don't get carried away with your feelings, and invest to much emotion, to soon, into anyone until you know them really well. A year should do it.

Enjoy growing, and getting to know yourself.

justme005 · Aug 7, 2009, 03:58 PM

Threads merged

Hello!

I recently started talking to this guy. He is really cute and we have a lot in common. We both play the trumpet, love music, love movies, etc. I used to know him from a community band I was in with him, but we never really talked.
The only thing is that he is 30 and I am 22. I just finished college and I'm starting an internship in the fall. Do you think he is worth my time? Will people think I'm weird for going out with a 30 yr old? It may be a good time for me because I'll be in the area and stuff, I won't be traveling bak to school.
I don't know. It's still real early... who knows, things may not even work out. I just want other people's thoughts.

Let me know!

Thanks all!

jmjoseph · Aug 7, 2009, 04:34 PM

There's an age difference of 8 years, so what. Go enjoy your life. He may be the one.

friend4u178 · Aug 7, 2009, 04:44 PM

I don't think 8 years difference is too much at your ages. It would be a lot different for say a 16 year old and a 24 year old as they are at completely different stages of maturity.

That's just my opinion though.

Romefalls19 · Aug 7, 2009, 05:08 PM

Age difference doesn't matter, as long as it is legal, all that matters is that he makes you happy and how YOU feel about it

talaniman · Aug 8, 2009, 12:29 PM

The age gap is nothing, but get to know him very well, and have fun doing it, before you get to attached.

justme005 · Aug 29, 2009, 09:35 PM

Threads merged

Hello folks,

I have written previous posts about dating a 30 yr old and I am 22.

Time has passed a bit and we have been on 2 dates so far and have been talking and texting for about 3 weeks. We have been going out to eat and he met me down the shore one day. It's been really nice.
I haven't kissed him yet. When do you think is it an appropriate time to do that? I don't want to move fast because I'm still checking him out because of his age and stuff.
I don't mind hooking up with him, but how should I move along with this process? I am kind of new at this. I am not a virgin, but I am very unexperienced. He's a really sweet guy and seems understanding... I don't want to turn him off with my sexual insecurities.

Any suggestions?

Thanks all

Justme

I wish · Aug 29, 2009, 09:46 PM

Just go with the flow. Go at a pace that you're comfortable with. Don't do anything that you're uncomfortable with.

Be natural. Enjoy the time that you spend together!

neverme · Aug 30, 2009, 09:54 AM

You can't and, in my opinion, shouldn't try to plan these things. Kiss him when it feels good. If he really likes you he won't have a problem with your sexual inexperience. In fact, it could be a great starting point, most of us that are not necessarily inexperienced end up with baggage!

Every new sexual relationship is a learning experience, just like everything else in life.

Enjoy it, try not to worry. If its right it will feel right. :D

talaniman · Aug 30, 2009, 12:00 PM

I think if you go slow, and enjoy the dating, things will work themselves out. Are you both in agreement about being exclusive??

justme005 · Aug 30, 2009, 12:10 PM

Umm, we haven't really discussed that yet. We are going on our 3rd date today. Spending some hours together. Maybe something will come up. I think I'll wait for him to say something because he's older and I'm not sure exactly what he wants. It's fun for now. Who knows.

What do you think?

talaniman · Aug 30, 2009, 01:00 PM

3rd date?? Lol, from reading your post I would have thought this was at least a year of dating. Keep having fun. No strings, no pressure, no high unreasonable expectations.

chuff · Aug 30, 2009, 06:11 PM

Originally Posted by justme005

Threads merged

Hello folks,

I have written previous posts about dating a 30 yr old and I am 22.

Time has passed a bit and we have been on 2 dates so far and have been talking and texting for about 3 weeks. We have been going out to eat and he met me down the shore one day. It's been really nice.
I haven't kissed him yet. When do you think is it an appropriate time to do that? I dont wanna move fast bc im still checkin him out bc of his age and stuff.
I don't mind hooking up with him, but how should i move along with this process? I am kinda new at this. I am not a virgin, but i am very unexperienced. he's a really sweet guy and seems understanding... i dont' want to turn him off with my sexual insecurities.

Any suggestions?

Thanks all

justme

He isn't going to care. Honestly, he's dating a 22 year old that doesn't sleep around. That is what every guy wants.

justme005 · Aug 30, 2009, 09:40 PM

Yeaa I guess. I just feel like he may be upset at the end of the night after getting only a hug goodbye. We r just having fun. I don't know. I'm new at this.

friend4u178 · Aug 30, 2009, 09:54 PM

Originally Posted by justme005

Yeaa I guess. I just feel like he may be upset at the end of the nite after gettin only a hug goodbye. We r just havin fun. I don't no. I'm new at this.

If he has all the right intentions he'll be happy with a hug for now.
.

justme005 · Aug 30, 2009, 09:57 PM

Thanks! I know all guys r like always real horny n , even if they r nice guys you no? But he's 30... Makes me wonder y he's not with someone.

chuff · Aug 31, 2009, 04:50 AM

Originally Posted by justme005

Thanks! I know all guys r like always real horny n , even if they r nice guys ya no? But he's 30... Makes me wonder y he's not with someone.

Guys are not always horny and quite honesty some are getting tired of hearing that we only want one thing in life.

Speaking of being 30 and single, why are you 22, good hearted, not sleeping around, and single? I said in my other thread that's what every guy wants so I'm not knocking it, but maybe you should not be asking questions about him when you could turn them around and ask the very same questions about yourself.

This attitude of questioning every little detail about his life is going to drive him away further and sooner then not being experienced.