[nursedelgado]

I've been married for almost three years, we have a daughter who is 17 months. Our relationship has been very troubled. My husband always told me things about me like how selfish, and self centered, and how I let my emotions take the best of me when it came to him. I never realized all those things were true until the second time (one of many) we separated. We were trying things out and again due to all these issues I have things fell through. I have to say that it is a very hard and difficult situation because we don't live together. He is army and is stationed in another state. For one reason or the other we can't seem to be in the same place. I let my insecurities take the best of me. I want to stop being so selfish and want to do it for me most of all and of course for my family. I love him, but all the things that he says to me I take it the wrong way. As if he is trying to put me down. I think is more my low self esteem that makes me see things that way. I really don't know what to do to better myself to give my family a chance. I want to stop being so selfish and to take his feelings into account, but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to go about working on my issues. I'm starting to see a psychologist to help me deal with what I'm going through but I want to seek advice from people who don't know me because my friends hate my husband due to our troubled relationship. We are not perfect, he is not and I'm defenitely not either. Does anyone out there have a word of advice for me?

[I wish]

Good idea seeing a psychologist. It sounds like an internal problem. Since you're husband is gone a lot, you have time to work on your self-esteem.

It's one of those cases where, how can you help someone if you can't even help yourself. In your case, don't worry about him until you've worried about yourself first.

Keep focusing on gaining more confidence in yourself. Once you feel more confident in yourself, then you will be in a better position to work on problems in your relationship.

[Gemini54]

I think that seeing a psychologist is a great idea.

The first step, in any process of change, is first to acknowledge that change is needed. You have taken this first step - well done. You've had the courage to identify the things that you want to change and to seek help to change them. Well done again.

It's always really difficult and confronting to know that your own behavior is creating problems in your life and in your relationship. Now you have the opportunity to understand yourself and create something better for you and your husband.

Even though your relationhship may be troubled it's still worth fighting for, and hopefully your husband will be proud of your efforts to make yourself a better person.

One word of advice, try and see the good things within yourself, as well as the things that need to change. Talk to your husband about the counseling process you are undertaking and ask him to be patient, as well as asking him also to focus on your good qualities.

This will encourage and support you as you go down what will be a challenging road.