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burgzy · Aug 29, 2009, 12:30 AM

Am 29yrs old ,male. Have been in a relationship with my girl friend for about 9yrs.ever since, I have bin on the upper part of the relationship ,I mean the giving part.Although she is caring and loving and we get along very well.But things changed lately,I always have a fear of not losing her,I gave her an engagement ring recently but she wouldn't put it on.she confided in me yesterday she was yet to make up her mind whether to be committed or not because we actually grew up together.Am seriously confused and don't know what to do.I hope to get married next yr to her but she is seriously scared .I hope I can find a solution.

Regards

redhed35 · Aug 29, 2009, 02:45 AM

If your girlfriend is not committed to your relationship after 9 years,then I doubt another 12 months is going to chance her mind.

In your opening line you ask are you obsessed?
There may be another underlining reason as to why she does not want to commit to marriage.

talaniman · Aug 29, 2009, 06:50 AM

Some one who doesn't want to commit after 9 years is a big red flag that she doesn't want what you want. There is something your missing, or not telling us.

chuff · Aug 29, 2009, 08:22 AM

I don't understand what you mean by obsessed? You deserve to be happy though, and if she can't decide she loves you after 9 years start letting yourself go of this relationship.

jmjoseph · Aug 29, 2009, 08:32 AM

Tell her you want the ring back if she's not going to wear it, or answer your question. That's fair play. There's no sense in her keeping it is it? See what her reaction is to that.If she says "OK, no problem" go find another girl. If she gets hurt by this, then talk to her and tell her how you really feel. You two grew up together is not an answer, it's an excuse. I think it should ADD to her love, not subtract.

I wish · Aug 29, 2009, 08:37 AM

I find it troubling that after a 9 year relationship you have such a poor communication system between the two of you.

Unless you're not telling us certain things, you would think that after 9 years, she would have the courtesy of giving you a more direct answer than that.

That being said, if she has so many doubts about getting married with you, then maybe she's not a good match for you. Even if she comes around and says "yes," how long will it take before she goes back on her decision.

I sorry to say this, but your relationship is too fragile to be considering marriage at this point.