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crazyjoed · Aug 26, 2009, 10:02 PM

Hi, this is my first time asking a question hopefully I could get some advice it would be greatly appreciated..

Here we go!! I had been dating a wonderful girl for just over a hear we are both 28 years old and we have the best relationship, I mean great, agreed by both sides, no fighting, love doing things together, have so much fun and enjoy eachothers company. We honestley had the best relationship, and I was sure this was the one, and she gave a lot of signals that I believed we were on the same page. Now just a couple days ago she started acting a little weird, we were spending everyday together as I was house sitting for a friend and eventually I made her tell me what's was wrong. So she says, that's she been feeling really confused, unsure the last little while, couple weeks or so, (she didn't show it) and that she was concerned about a feeling she has about getting really serious. We are both 28 and we are not getting any younger and I feel really strongly for her as does she because we have talked about it and now all of a sudden she started feeling this way. So we talked about it, I made sure that there was no other significant reasons she felt this way, mayber another guy or something I did, and there wasn't, so she basically has this feeling that she is not 100% sure if I'm the one, but at the same time thinks I'm amazing and she has done nothing but make me feel that way. So this came as a huge shock to me to say the least. We talked about it and she believed that she needes sometime to figure things out and I agreed so we kind of decided to let each other go for a while. She was very emotional, crying, telling me that she wasn't sure if she's making that right choice cause she doesn't want to regret leaving me and I was consoling her and trying to tell her that everything happens for a reason and if this is what we have to do, it is what we have to do. So we left it at that and now I'm playing the waiting game! Its driving me crazy and I don't really know how to react to this type of break up because like I said everything was going great. I know I definitley need to give her space but should I keep some sort of contact, maybe call her after a few day - week, leave her totally alone and just wait it out? Because it driving me crazy, I'm devastated and depressed and unsure myself of the future. Please if anybody has any insight to how she is feeling? Why all of a sudden this comes up? What I should do or shouldn't do? It would be greatley appreciated, I'm so confused? Remember its only been a couple of days!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

friend4u178 · Aug 26, 2009, 10:27 PM

Unfortunately we see this on here so often.

The Dumpee never sees it coming and the Dumper tends to seem to move on at an astonishing rate compared to them.

The reality is she has been thinking about this for a while so the best thing to do is give her the space she asked for. Not easy I know but if you pursue her at this point it will just push her away further. Not just that but you will start losing your dignity by acting like a sick little puppy willing to do anything to get her back.

Give her the space , she may just then start to miss you , if not then it's not meant to be.

And read the material on this forum and you'll get a better perspective of how it all works and has worked for other people in your position. You'll realise your not alone.

Good Luck!

itried · Aug 26, 2009, 11:04 PM

After reading your post I get the feeling that maybe she rebounded with you. Things were great at first, but the novelty has maybe worn off from her perspective. You're entering the stages of officially being "long term-ish" and now she might not think it's such a good idea so she wants to think about it.

My advice: Tell her to think about it on her own. Don't be around her while she's stewing and thinking about your relationship because it adds a lot of expectation and weight to her decision that is unnecessary. It could cause her to make a decision based on convenience rather than on foresight. In the end, if she wants to leave and explore she will. How she goes about this and how badly she hurts you is your call. Additionally, I have learned that a persons relationship history can be indicative of their future relationship trajectories. I've learned to be a little more analytical when judging women's motives. It's not an exact science, but it is something to think about.

Also, she isn't telling you her reasons for feeling this way. In my experience, whenever they start feeling this way it's because of another guy. She might not have him in mind, but he's unsettled her. She's not telling you something. But really, do you think that she would?

crazyjoed · Aug 27, 2009, 05:03 AM

Thanks everyone for the advice, its all truly sinking in. But just let me say this, I'm the type of person who needs to know that these things are forsure. Itried thank you for the insight you gave, you may just be possibly right but should I not have the right to actually find this out on my own before I see it for myself because I will, it's a small town. I just wished I knew forsure that this is probably over it would make it a little easier for me I think lol. I am a gambler and a man of odds and if my odds are not I'm my favour I chose to walk away, without any regrets. I've also talked to some other women face to face on the situation and most of them agree that I should give her the space abd she may just call me, and if not eventually, not too soon but eventually I should call her to test the waters? What do you think my odds are here?

amicon · Aug 27, 2009, 05:40 AM

Hmm I wouldn't call her.you need some space here as well.go N C.Its tough but it works.:-)

kctiger · Aug 27, 2009, 05:52 AM

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Unfortunately we see this on here so often.

The Dumpee never sees it coming and the Dumper tends to seem to move on at an astonishing rate compared to them.

The reality is she has been thinking about this for a while so the best thing to do is give her the space she asked for. Not easy I know but if you pursue her at this point it will just push her away further. Not just that but you will start losing your dignity by acting like a sick little puppy willing to do anything to get her back.

Give her the space , she may just then start to miss you , if not then it's not meant to be.

And read the material on this forum and you'll get a better perspective of how it all works and has worked for other people in your position. You'll realise your not alone.

Good Luck!

Had to spread the rep Friend... this is almost carbon copy what you told me the first time I ever posted on here. Almost brought tears to my eye!! What a sucky time but God bless all the fine folks on here!

To the OP, sorry you are going through this, but just know it gets better.

talaniman · Aug 27, 2009, 07:33 AM

Hard as it is to accept, LEAVE HER ALONE. Forget the odds, and forget reading her mind, both a waste of time. Just give her what she asked for... space.

As for you, rebuild yourself, by getting a life that you enjoy, without her in it.

jmw0713 · Aug 27, 2009, 08:11 AM

She wants space, let her have it. Don't call her. She needs to reach out to you as it was her need for space anyway... not yours.

Take this time to learn, reflect, and work on making yourself better for the next woman.

If its meant to work out it will, if it doesn't at least you will have a head start.

My thinking for her ending it so suddenly is another person has sparked her interest. That what "confusion" usually means. Either that or what she thought she saw and wanted in you, really isn't there. There is nothing you can do to end her confusion. She must do it herself.