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hheath541 · Aug 26, 2009, 03:10 PM

OK, I'll start with a little backstory, so it hopefully makes more sense to people.

I was engaged last year. I was head-over-heels, shoot-to-the-moon-and-back in live with him. We were living together and even had names for our children and were hoping to getting married this summer. Things ended badly, and suddenly. I won't go into details, but he broke several lines of trust and I broke off the relationship and kicked him out.

I did not handle it well. I'm still not OK, and don't plan on ever being in another relationship. It still hurts, badly. There are still a lot of things that make me upset or depressed because they remind me of him.

Well, today I go to check my Facebook and see that he's going to be a father. I'm upset. I want to scream and cry and break something. And I don't know WHY!

I hate asking for personal advice, but if I don't I'm going to have a mental breakdown. I'm not sure what I want. I think I just need people to talk to for a bit.

Annonimus · Aug 26, 2009, 03:35 PM

Right first of all I know I'm only fourteen but I kind of know how it feels, me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year now and we have baby names for the future, he might even be moving in with me when he's sixteen.

We do argu a lot but this is because of the past, he broke several lines of trust too. But recently he's changed he realises he'll loose me but anyway, when I've splitten up with him it was awful, I wasn't sleeping/eating or anything. It felt like a piece of me was gone.

"well, today i go to check my facebook and see that he's going to be a father. I'm upset. i want to scream and cry and break something. and i don't know WHY!"

That is because who ever this man is you still love him and you still have strong feelings for him. You don't want that other women to have his kid, you want to have his kid. Its called jealousy but there's ways around that. Have you tried counciling? Get feelings off your chest.

If I was you I'd loose all contact with him, delete his Facebook, number.. email. And try moving on, get busy. Try activaties.

I hope I've helped. Xx

hheath541 · Aug 26, 2009, 03:45 PM

If it is jealousy, which I'm sure is at least part of it, it's not because I want to have his children. That ship sank long ago.

Sorry I didn't specify earlier, I have deleted him from my Facebook. In fact, I deleted and blocked him from everything a long time ago. I found out because Facebook is oh-so-kind and tells you when one of your friends comments on someone else's pictures, without telling you who's pictures they ARE, and he posted ultrasound pictures.

Annonimus · Aug 26, 2009, 03:47 PM

Was he your first love?

hheath541 · Aug 26, 2009, 03:49 PM

Essentially. He was the first person I was ever truly IN love with.

Annonimus · Aug 26, 2009, 03:50 PM

Um, well I don't really know what to say sorry. I'm only fourteen and I'm still learning about emoticons.

The only thing I can say is try and keep your mind oocupied.

Hope things go well xx

hheath541 · Aug 26, 2009, 04:00 PM

Thank you, and you seem a lot smarter than most people your age.

artlady · Aug 26, 2009, 04:00 PM

I can understand your feelings.

It's kind of like a slap in the face because you may be feeling that baby should have been yours and his.If things had gone the way you had hoped.

Not to mention ,now that chapter in your life is totally over and perhaps you were still holding out a grain of hope that you would reunite.

I can see why your emotions would be all over the place and I am sure once the shock wears off you will come to accept it.

Don't beat yourself up for having feelings and know that sometimes even if we don't understand why,they get the best of us.

Just Dahlia · Aug 26, 2009, 04:02 PM

There is not a whole lot you can do at this point. It's over, he broke your trust and now he's having a baby with some one else who he might break their trust also.:(

You need to be thankful it wasn't you, I know that is hard, but you need to get on with your life and start thinking about yourself.

You have enough in you to realize that you needed to talk to someone, so you have enough in you to move on.
It's awful to find these things out through Facebook, but that's life in this era.

Please just concentrate on your own well being and move forward.:)

Annonimus · Aug 26, 2009, 04:06 PM

Originally Posted by hheath541

thank you, and you seem a lot smarter than most people your age.

Thank you :) xx

dincher · Aug 26, 2009, 04:07 PM

Ugh - I know the feeling.. I found out my ex was having a baby with the woman he left me for online as well.

Anyway, I can see why it would bother you even if you were the one who ended the relationship. I think deep down inside, you feel that he just moved on, whereas you may have not (as certain things still remind you of him)

Or it can be that although he somehow broke the trust between you both, it would have actually been nice if he would have carried through with the plans you both had together.

Maybe it's a combination of the two.

hheath541 · Aug 26, 2009, 04:14 PM

I think part of it is the thought that if he moved on far enough to be having a baby that he couldn't have been hurt as badly as I was. A huge part of me still thinks that everything was my fault, even though he's the one who screwed up. If I hadn't fallen in love in the first place, no one would have gotten hurt. Ugh.

dincher · Aug 26, 2009, 04:19 PM

Originally Posted by hheath541

i think part of it is the thought that if he moved on far enough to be having a baby that he couldn't have been hurt as badly as i was. a huge part of me still thinks that everything was my fault, even though he's the one who screwed up. if i hadn't fallen in love in the first place, no one would have gotten hurt. ugh.

Well we can never be too sure - perhaps it was the "other girl" who made him or trapped him to have that baby? I'm almost sure that wasn't planned - you know how guys are, they don't like to plan having babies right away, whereas women love to trap men to keep them that way...

Don't tell yourself it was your fault. Sometimes, things happen for a reason. Maybe he's not even happy - perhaps you'll find a better person.

hheath541 · Aug 26, 2009, 04:26 PM

I have a strong suspicion that the mother is the chick he dated before me, but no proof, and I'm not going looking for any.

Just Dahlia · Aug 26, 2009, 04:36 PM

Originally Posted by dincher

you know how guys are, they don't like to plan having babies right away, wheras women love to trap men to keep them that way...

Yeah, that's how I had all my babies, trapped them I did!:D Suckers that they were and I have all their millions now, just sitting back eating Bon Bons.:D

dincher · Aug 26, 2009, 04:40 PM

Originally Posted by hheath541

i have a strong suspicion that the mother is the chick he dated before me, but no proof, and I'm not going looking for any.

Well you know how us women are - we have that strong intuition. And if your intuition says so, then there's a good 90% chance that this is the case. But kudos to you for not looking for any proof - it's a complete waste of time at this point.

But that would explain it - she lost him to you, and now she's going to make sure she has him by her side day in and day out - even if it means him paying her child support.

You know, I hate to say it, but I don't know why men fall in this trap. This trap is centuries old and it never fails :mad:

artlady · Aug 26, 2009, 05:20 PM

Originally Posted by hheath541

i have a strong suspicion that the mother is the chick he dated before me, but no proof, and I'm not going looking for any.

Don't give him the power.Your above that.
He may be miserable for all you know.

friend4u178 · Aug 26, 2009, 05:56 PM

This is actually quite common , I've known friends who have gone through this and it's basically a combination of affirmation that it's over for good and also your Ego taking a bit of a whack.

It'll pass just give it time.

ohsohappy · Aug 26, 2009, 06:10 PM

I'm 19, and I've seen this with other peoples relationships to certain degrees. Trust is a big issue in relationships, and most can't survive without it. First of all, How long ago had you broken up with him? Because depending on how far along this woman is, I would assume she would be part of the reason.

As far as I'm concerned, If she is part of the reason, then You're definitely better off without him. She can be the one to be with an untrustworthy man if that's what she wants, but you definitely diserve better.

From what I've gathered, and sort of assumed, I think you did the right thing.

It definitely is Initial shock. Part of it could be the fact that he's moved on so quickly. Whether you wanted to be with him in the future or not, you aren't ready for him to take that next step in his future, because, as you said yourself, You aren't planning on being in another relationship. It hurts because he's moved on so quickly, and I'm sure you probably feel like you weren't that important to him. It's his loss if that's the case.

The thing is, is that it's a normal feeling. And many people go through it at one extreme or another. I really do think you should take some time for yourself so that you can rediscover who you are in this part of your life without him.

You may not be planning on being in another relationship, but definitely try to meet new people and make new friends.

Hope I've helped. :)

hheath541 · Aug 26, 2009, 06:25 PM

No, she didn't have a part in our break-up. That was over a year ago and she was in a different state. We broke up because he started trying to tell me what to and then crossed a MAJOR line with one of my best friends (no, he didn't cheat with her). After I broke it off I went through the Internet logs on his account on my computer and found out that he had been visiting incest and child porn sites. Like I said, he broke several lines of trust and the blow out was not pretty.