Check out some similar questions!

carol23 · Aug 24, 2009, 03:41 PM

Hi I´m 27, and have been married for 2 years,
When I was dating my husband we talked about it and agreed we will have one child but now that we are married I have changed my mind, I feel that all the work in the house is my responsibility, he never helps, I even fix things around the house that normally the husband fixes (I also have a job) I feel that if I have a child I would not have enough time to do it all by myself.
I have come to think that once you have kids you will never have time for yourself again, you loose intimacy, money and your body. Every time I see a mother shopping with her kids she looks exhausted, and unhappy and I don't want to go through that
My husband´s family want us to have a baby and I think its really unfair to ask me to sacrifice so much!!
I looks really nice to have a new baby in the family when you are the uncle, aunt, grandparent even the father... but when you are going to be the mommy it doesn't look like a very good deal

Alty · Aug 24, 2009, 03:54 PM

This is something that you should have discussed before marriage.

I realize you did, and you changed your mind, even though you really have no idea what having a child entails.

Yes, it's exhausting, yes, it's time consuming, it's also rewarding in so many ways.

You have to talk to your husband about this. Tell him why you're worried about bringing a child into this marriage.

talaniman · Aug 24, 2009, 04:47 PM

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results

You, and your husband, have an awful lot of talking to do before you even consider children, please do so and if you need an outside counselor to guide you through the process of learning how to talk, and listen, to each other please get it.

flayvur · Aug 24, 2009, 07:05 PM

Being married is like having a business partner. You really should discuss the things that you expect from each other before signing the contract. Yes having children is a big change of lifestyle there are some adjustments. If you look at anything long enough it becomes impossible to do. Now that your married you and your husband are suppose to be one. Discuss what you feel to your husband, listen to his answer, then decide together what's the best decision. Having children totally teaches you to first of all not make decisions based on only self. Being married to me teaches you this also. Marriage is just as hard as having children. You have to consider someone else in every decision you make. Most of the time people are not willing to do those things and that's usually why they become single again. So carol23 ask yourself did you make that decision without thinking of anyone else , if you made it completely based on what's best for carol , you need to do what you would want your spouse to do think about how this decision will effect the other person's life. And you'll have your answer.

ZoeMarie · Aug 24, 2009, 07:13 PM

I got to say... reading your post it sounded like you and I are in a pretty similar situation. My husband and I are both wondering whether to have kids but for different reasons. The fact that you work so hard, pick up after your husband, fix things around the house... That's where you and I are in the same boat, and I too worry if we have a kid I'll be doing everything by myself. The reasons I'm worried about having kids though, mainly, is because of all the things going on in the world. There's so much more you need to teach kids these days than even when I was younger. I'm seeing things now that I never thought I'd see happen, and I'm only 26. I sometimes just can't fathom bringing a child into this messed up world.

I hope you and your husband work this out. Good luck! =)

edit: to answer your question, I don't think you're obligated to have children, but I do think sitting down and talking to your husband about all this, if you had previously decided you did want children, is an obligation. Does he know how you feel?

danielnoahsmommy · Aug 24, 2009, 07:20 PM

I think you may be a bit selfish. First off you have more important issues you need to be discussing with your husband now. Until you correct the other marital issues I would not consider even talking about children.

I too promised my husband one child... only difference is I delivered. Not because I promissed but because I wanted one and so did my husband. And yes it is a lot of work, but I would not change a thing. Sure my house is not the best it could be and sure my house is not as clean as it could be. I rather be playing with my son and creating memories than having a boring neat house.

I respect the fact that you don't want children... but you do owe it to your husband to discuss this with him now.

Alty · Aug 24, 2009, 07:55 PM

I do want to point out that her previous posts were in November of 2008.

Things could be very different for her and her husband now.

I wish · Aug 24, 2009, 08:31 PM

If you're not ready to have a baby, then don't. It's a huge responsibility and it's good that you recognize that you are not ready.

You definitely need to confront your husband about how you feel overwhealmed with responsibility in the house and you would appreciate his help. Approach him in a calm and respectable manner. There's no reason for you to continue to carry all the burden while he sits back.