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handoferebus · Nov 2, 2006, 08:35 PM

Well, my ex dumped me a few weeks ago.. her reasons were that she felt guilty for not giving herself enough time to be single after her past relationship, and that she felt things were moving too quickly for us. Well.. I discovered that a week after she broke up with me she was seeing her ex again, and planned a 10 day trip to Washington with him (we're in california). Within a week of breaking up with me, might I emphasize. She's told me she loves me, that I was becoming one of her best friends, and that I am. She constantly wanted me around, even up until the night she broke up with me.

Now, I'm assuming she's back together with her ex. They went out for about 2 years, sort of on and off, before I dated her. I was deeply hurt that she went back to her ex so quickly and planned this trip with him. I haven't told her any of this, because we haven't talked very much. When we do talk, however, it's just as if we had never broken up.

She hasn't called me at all, and she's msg'd me a few times on AIM. I guess my question is should I continue to try and be her friend, or should I just cut it off? I get the distinct impression that she just doesn't care, but from how our relationship went it's so hard to believe. Should I give her an ultimatum.. basically if she cares about the relationship she'll come over to my house and answer some questions I have about what's going on between her and her ex, and what she wants from me? Or should I just tell her that I'm tired of getting strung along, and that what she did isn't something that a friend does to another friend. I don't want her out of my life, there's just so much nostalgia. Advice?

chuff · Nov 2, 2006, 08:43 PM

You're her back up plan. If it doesn't work out with her boyfriend she's coming to you to ease the lose. She'll stay with you until he takes her back or she finds someone else. Kick her to the curb.

Skell · Nov 2, 2006, 08:44 PM

Remembering your other thread this was always going to happen

You are her rebound. It isn't healthy and doesn't work. Sorry, don't mean to say I told you so but...

No, no freindship. No contact. Nothing. She used you. She has gone running back to the ex you said she never would.

Leave her to him. Move on and take this as a massive learning experience.

Don't go jumping into things with people just out of relationships. You were rebound. No one should ever be that..

Please don't contact her. Don't let her contact you. Don't answer her calls. Don't answer AIM's.

I say stuff her. She used you and ran back to the ex the moment she felt a little down or something.

You don't need those games or her in your life!

handoferebus · Nov 2, 2006, 08:45 PM

To add a little more, we've talked in person a couple of times, for a couple of hours each time.. just hanging out, things were totally normal. I basically told her that I did miss her, and that it hurt losing the relationship, but I was fine with it, but I didn't want to lose our friendship because it was strong. She told me I was still one of her best friends.

Skell · Nov 2, 2006, 08:46 PM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...eak-37298.html

This is the other thread for people wanting to see the story!

Skell · Nov 2, 2006, 08:47 PM

Don't see her in person. Don't tell her you miss her. Don't give her anything. Can't you see man that she used you as a rebound to get over her ex.

Your nothing to her.

People don't do that to people they really care about.

It was always going to happen.
Please learn from this.

It was so obvious that it was going to happen we all tried to warn you!

Now is the time to get rid of her out of your life and move forward!

handoferebus · Nov 2, 2006, 08:47 PM

Thanks skell

handoferebus · Nov 2, 2006, 08:48 PM

I've told myself for the last week that the next time I talk to her for any amount of time that I'm going to just walk away from her.. but that opportunity hasn't come yet, and it's left me thinking more. Maybe it's time I just tell her that I'm done with the bull.

Skell · Nov 2, 2006, 08:49 PM

Ha,
One of her best friends. What a load of BS. People say that to people when they dump them. It makes everyone feel better. Her less guilt and you less pain.

It is crap. I bet she don't be there for you like a best friend would be.
Her best friend is her boyfriend. Not you.

She isn't your friend buddy. No way!

Don't make excuses for her behavior!

handoferebus · Nov 2, 2006, 08:50 PM

She told me I was one of her best friends while we were going out... then again when she broke up with me.. haha.

Skell · Nov 2, 2006, 08:50 PM

Don't put yourself into the position to talk to her. Why do you have to.
Ignore her. Stay away from her. Don't contact her. Don't let her contact you.

Pretty clear. Disappear.. your gone form her life now. She made that decision when she went running back to him.

Don't let her continue to use you!

Skell · Nov 2, 2006, 08:52 PM

I understand it must be hurting but you have to see the reality here. And that is you were her rebiund and nothing more. Not her best friend, not her lover. Nothing.
Just someone who she used.

Sorry to sound monotonous everyone but this is one of the few times I actually get to be involved in a live thread. Most of the time I'm a sleep while you are all talking 'live'!

handoferebus · Nov 2, 2006, 08:54 PM

Heh, yeah I'm here! Yeah, it's been hard, it really has. So many things said that seemed so meaningful... just ended out of nowhere. Get this: her mom called me one day and asked me to come talk. So whatever, I went over and talked to her mom. She said that she made the wrong decision breaking up with me in her own opinion. She wanted us back together, but there was nothing she could do really. Her best friends told me the same thing. So dissapointing.

Skell · Nov 2, 2006, 08:58 PM

Yeah yeah yeah. Ive heard all that BS too. That's all it is. People telling you what you want to hear.

Well I won't. She dumped you for her ex and if I were you I wouldn't be giving her another chance. Let her have the same problems with him all over again.

I bet she comes running back to you again when it stuffs up with him

Are you going to let her use you again. I hope not but it sounds like you'd be willing to.

Please don't.

This is a massive learning experience for you. We could all see that you were a rebound yet you couldn't. Now I hope you understand what we were getting at.

I think your better off without this user. Find someone who is happy with you. Not someone who was never happy with you. Just using you for her own happiness!

handoferebus · Nov 2, 2006, 09:00 PM

It's a harsh reality, but it is reality. I think what I'll do is just ignore her completely, phone calls, aim msg's, myspace msg's, etc. If she ever sends me a message asking me why I'm ignoring her I'll just tell her to stop, and tell her briefly about what we've discussed. How all I was was a rebound to satisfy her own happiness for the time being, and that all I'll be is that guy who is there when she's unhappy with where she's at. What do you think?

handoferebus · Nov 2, 2006, 09:01 PM

And that I'm done with her BS.

chuff · Nov 2, 2006, 09:13 PM

I just went back and read your original post. Hando, Skell who you've never met has been more of a friend to you than that skank you hung out with for a month. Her Mom and her friends probably mean well but they can't make the decisions for her. Kick her to the curb.

talaniman · Nov 2, 2006, 09:24 PM

Really sad story for a month long thang, but cheer up and look at the brite side, It could have been a lot longer than a month and you could have invested far more than you did. Cheap lesson in my opinion. Skell has told you right so I'd listen to him and chuff.

handoferebus · Nov 2, 2006, 09:26 PM

Yeah. I've now made that conscious decision. Unfortunate to be used.

handoferebus · Nov 2, 2006, 09:31 PM

Thanks for all the help guys. I get advice from my friends, and others from time to time, but they always just tell me what I want to hear. It's good to hear the reality of it. I had already told myself that I was just a rebound, I came to that realization, but I kept giving myself false hope. But I came to the conclusion that I'm done with the BS. I don't need it. I need to focus on school and work and what I'm doing now.

Her ex doesn't go to school, or work, no car, no license.. lives in a shack.. I have a strong feeling I'll hear from her a couple of weeks after they get back from their trip. It'll be hard to deny her, but I know it's what I need to do.

Thanks all