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love2love · Aug 21, 2009, 10:20 AM

OK here is my delima my boyfriend of a year and half applied for a job in another state. We went to elementary school together but just became official just a little over a year ago. I have a 3 year old daughter and I want to make sure this is the right move for us. Right now I'm working two jobs and attend school full time. I have a lot on my plate. I have my own place so things get a little tight from time to time. He works a good job and doesn't have any financial responsibilities like I do. So if I complain about money problems and he does nothing I get discouraged. We've talked about getting married and even went ring shopping. He hasn't bought the ring because he wants to save money for the move. But I want to make sure he's ready for a commitment. And don't really like the idea of moving with out some reassurance we are moving in that direction. Because I will be giving up a lot if I do move with him. Finances are a HUGE concern because I'm not guaranteed a job if I move unlike him who is moving for a job. So basically I'm putting my life in his hands. If he doesn't offer to help me now... will he once we move? Because he won't be helping just me but me and my daughter. And I'm scared he might not grasb the concept of OURS not just yours and mine. He told me when I need help just to aks him but I'm not the type who likes to ask for help. So is moving with this guy a good/bad decision. Consider the fact he hasn't asked me to marry him... yet. We talk about the future a lot but we come to a fork in the road about fincances. And what bills should be shared and so on. I need some unbiased help!!

amicon · Aug 21, 2009, 11:50 AM

Your first concern here must be your child.this man seems tightfisted-not a good sign. I d not move if I were you.

MsMewiththat · Aug 21, 2009, 11:58 AM

I agree that you have to consider your daughter at this time. It's difficult to know if you can count on this man to be there for you. You are having second thoughts already. My suggestion would be to have him move and when you find that you can't live without each other make that move. Allow him to maybe make the decision and the commitment prior to you moving. I would be very honest with him about where you are coming from and how you feel. Good Luck to you.

88sunflower · Aug 21, 2009, 11:59 AM

I guess go with your gut feeling. I wouldn't weigh this out with a ring though. A ring is not a commitment and I am sure your smart enough to realize that. He can plant a 2 karat on you today and still break your heart tonight. You don't know.
If you haven't had this talk with him yet then sit him down and talk it out. Tell him your fears and see where it goes from there. What's most important if your child's well being. If its not secure moving away then stay where you are.

talaniman · Aug 22, 2009, 11:03 AM

No way, do you give up your own security, and that of your daughters', for a risky venture as he is proposing, without one hell of a solid, binding, commitment. That would be crazy.

Being in love, is not an excuse to be..!

artlady · Aug 22, 2009, 11:21 AM

You need to get a serious commitment from him before you take such a drastic step.

I don't mean a marriage commitment,I mean a financial agreement.

Tell him your concerns and look at his previous behavior regarding his lack of help to you.The best indication of future behavior is past behavior.

It may be just more of the same but in this instance,you are uprooted and you may have to rely on him solely for support,if only for a time.

He may come to resent having to help you and a child that is not his.

Personally,if it were me I would not take a chance on someone who has proven to be less then forthcoming with help in the past.