[eash87]

My Fiancé and I have been together for 4 years, and have been engaged for 1 1/2 years. We were set to get Married in the beginning of October . My Fiancé had left for bootcamp for a little over 3 months and while he was gone I had finished up the last of the wedding planning so that when he came back he didn't have anything to worry about. But about 3 weeks after he came home he told me that he didn't feel as though we were ready to get married. I was totally taken off guard about the whole situation. We had 3 months to go before the wedding, I was so crushed. He still wants to be together and eventually get married but I can't seem to get passed the canceled wedding. Every time I see pictures of weddings, watch a TV show about a wedding, talk about what was supposed to be my wedding, or even look at my engagement ring I brake down in tears. I want to stop feeling this way and move on but I just can't stop thinking about it and it is really taking a toll on my relationship. Help me, what can I do to help me move on and look to the future.

[N0help4u]

That is most likely the drill sargent. They give a pep talk about why it is better to not marry when they are in the military,

He is looking at things realistic on how hard it will be for you to be married and not having him come home to you every night. Newly wed you will even feel more deprived not having his physical presence like a married couple than the disappointment of a cancelled wedding. That many brides get lonely and then go out cheating and then even possibly end up wanting a divorce. There are other things they take into consideration too.

You have to be strong and realize that wedding or no wedding he still loves you the same. Be a moral support for him and keep reminding him you love him and are waiting for him. When he is allowed send messages on Myspace or Facebook and I-M's. Have a web cam. Make sure you have a cell phone. Do everything you can to maintain contact with him for when he is available

[flossie]

Eash,

Sorry about your disappointment. It sounds like he just wants to postpone it. Obviously boot camp is the first step to a new career for him, right? He still loves you? You still love him? If yes, then he's worth the wait.

It's better to wait until you BOTH feel ready than get married and end up resenting each other. Divorce can be way more traumatic emotionally and financially than this little hiccup you've met.

Keep smiling. Keep loving each other. It will happen! :)

[I wish]

You need to talk to him more. If he really cared about you, he would know that postponing the wedding has a huge impact on you and the relationship.

If you don't bring up your discomfort, he will assume that you are fine with postponing. You need to have more discussions with him and comfort/support each other.

Communication is key to a successful relationship. Maybe posponing your wedding isn't a bad thing. It sounds like you have a weak communication system with him. Spend more time working on building a stronger communication system until you consider getting married again.

[Catsmine]

Go to a club near just about any base. You will find a great many spouses whose mate is deployed and they feel very lonely. It sounds like he truly does love you and wants to spare you that horrible task of waiting and not knowing. N0help had some good advice, get some hi-tech communication tools. Then give him a reason to come home in one piece.

By the way, please pass on the gratitude of an old sailor to him for his service.

[Gemini54]

It's really understandable that you would feel disappointed and rejected by the cancellation of your wedding. I suspect that partly what you're also feeling is a sense of shame that the wedding didn't that people will think there is something wrong with you.

Instead of seeing it as a bad thing, why don't you talk it up as a good thing - your fiancée had the maturity to let you know that he wasn't ready - that took courage and love and he's still with you.

Why don't you get a whole bunch of wedding movies, watch them one after the other and cry your eyes out again and again. Then take them back to the video store and put it all behind you.

You will have your wedding and it will be even more joyous and special because you've had to wait. And, you will also know that your fiancée really wants it.

[N0help4u]

A great topper for the cry after the wedding movies would be The War of the Roses with Michael Douglas (about a divorce) Just to get her mind of weddings.

I am sure that when he is ready to marry you it will be a great day but in the meantime you need to look for the silver lining that is in every cloud.

I guess the silver lining would be that he still does love you.

[eash87]

A great topper for the cry after the wedding movies would be The War of the Roses with Michael Douglas (about a divorce) Just to get her mind of weddings.

I am sure that when he is ready to marry you it will be a great day but in the meantime you need to look for the silver lining that is in every cloud.

I guess the silver lining would be that he still does love you.

This has all been really good advise and I thank you all so much. He isn't gone yet. He is not do to deploy until June 2010. The thing with waiting for the wedding is he wants to get married in the spring (May) and then leave me a couple weeks later for a year. So then we don't even get to enoy the 1st year of our married life together. That is what really bothers me, and then I can't stop thinking about what if may comes and he decides he still is not ready what do I do then, wait for him to come back in a year and hope he wants to marry me?

[N0help4u]

So then we dont even get to enoy the 1st year of our married life together.

Exactly

I don't know all you can do is take it as it comes and pray for the best