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talaniman · Aug 17, 2009, 06:33 AM

I still have a lot of feelings for her we had kept in reasonable contact through the last 8 months since we split up (she left me).

That contact you've had. Just serves to keep the feelings stirred up, and remind you of what you had. That has to stop.

L85 · Aug 18, 2009, 05:14 AM

This is just getting crazy now I'm getting so wound up all the time my blood is boiling I just don't know how I'm going to get over this, I hate her so much for what she has done to me yet I still care about her so much surely the is away I can get through this. Im struggling to get through the days without breaking down and at work that's not good in the environment I'm in. I start to cheer up then think about her with someone else and bang I'm ready to break down again!!

More help needed please :(

talaniman · Aug 18, 2009, 06:43 AM

Relax as the point of the whole NC thing is for you to develop the coping skills to get through the tough times life throws at you. While at work, focus on work. Don't say can't, just do it. Do your job, that you get paid for, and make sure you do it well.

That's what made Michael Jordan a great player, he focused on what he had to do, and just did it. FOCUS!!

britEl · Aug 18, 2009, 08:26 AM

Just keep your mind busy hang out with positive friends and every time she pops into your mind immediately think of something else! You have to chill out, because you will feel better eventually, and I know the eventually part sucks and it can be a slow process but you'll get there just believe in yourself! And like talaniman said FOCUS :)

L85 · Aug 19, 2009, 08:06 AM

Originally Posted by britEl

Just keep your mind busy hang out with positive friends and every time she pops into your mind immediately think of something else! You have to chill out, because you will feel better eventually, and i know the eventually part sucks and it can be a slow process but you'll get there just believe in yourself! And like talaniman said FOCUS :)

Today's update------

Well last night I lost my temper and started texting my ex asking why she hadn't told me about this guy she was seeing(I know she didn't have to but I thought I deserved it) and after a few texts she said the had only just met him 2 weeks ago and that nothing had really happened yet. I was kind of hoping this would end in her telling me its none of my business and to get lost, but know I get this as a reply-

To be honest this sounds horrible but I can't cope with this at this time I'm already completely stressed out too much if you need to talk I need a couple of weeks there's too much going on for me and I can't comprehend anymore.im sorry you found the break up so difficultbut its still early days for me and I can't stay how I was because you feel this way.

Sooo then what the hell does that mean I don't understand at all I've shown my friend and they don't know either so I thought I would ask on here and then I'm going to ring her in a few hours and ask her what the hell it means!

Thanks

talaniman · Aug 19, 2009, 08:44 AM

It means, leave her alone, and get over yourself, as what she does is her business, and none of your concern, and you are way out of line questioning how she does her thing, and leave her alone, and get some business of your own.

I highly suggest you stop pursuing this line of questioning, and do as she wants, LEAVE HER ALONE, she owes you NOTHING!

I find this very immature of you, and an excuse for not doing what you need to for yourself.

You don't understand because your not listening.

jmw0713 · Aug 19, 2009, 09:01 AM

Every bit of information you are seeking from her will not be anything helpful to you. As a matter of fact, it will most likely hurt you more. Stop contacting her and making the situation between you two worse and start getting on with doing you own thing.

amicon · Aug 19, 2009, 09:05 AM

Please understand that its exactly as tal has written in his latest post.you need to step away from this and start to heal yourself.

britEl · Aug 19, 2009, 11:55 PM

Im sorry but it sounds like she just wants you to leave her alone, she sounds like she is stressed out and confused and putting you in the picture is just making it worse. Maybe just try and delete her out of your life, her phone number, Facebook, myspace, msn what ever else so that it will stop you from contacting her, because clearly it is not good for either of you. Im sorry :(

L85 · Aug 20, 2009, 12:27 AM

I know I need to listen to this but its so hard, it would have been easier if she just told me to get lost and leave her alone but she didn't in a straight forward way, its all this dribble that means nothing that confuses me in that text message she said about needing to talk, I don't know what there is to talk about.

talaniman · Aug 20, 2009, 05:42 AM

I can see where the lack of communications came from.

overayear · Aug 20, 2009, 09:21 AM

Tal- I can see it as well.

L85- "told me to get lost and leave her alone" That was exactly what she was telling you, but in a nice way. She didn't want to be mean or as straight forward but wrote it in plain english. I am sorry and I know it hurts but its seems as if she is done and wants to be left alone. I am sure she still cares about you just not in the same way she used to. Let it go. For you and for her.

Yosomoton213 · Aug 20, 2009, 09:46 AM

You are searching for an answer that you already know deep down... She doesn't want to be with you dude.

You will continue to do this self-destruct cycle... I've been there, until you realize this.

So I will do it for you...

(L85's EX-girlfriend who is now seeing someone else) = "I do not love you. I am not with you. I have made my choice. Now leave me alone. I want nothing to do with you, unless you want to submit to being my doormat, or maybe someone that can help me move my furniture when I move, or someone that can help me whenever I need help. Just don't expect me to do the same to you. I will treat you however you let yourself to be treated by me... which right now is dirt."

There, now you can start rebuilding your life. Just forget about her. No contact. I predict you will be back in the saddle in about 3 months, possibly another relationship within the year... no promises. Until then, just have fun, build the life you love. This EX GIRLFRIEND is not worth your precious time. Time is the only limited resource in life. Think of it as that.

britEl · Aug 20, 2009, 11:43 AM

Sorry but the others are right, she just wants you to leave her alone. I know its hard but you need to begin the healing process, you need to delete her out of you life like I said before stop contacting her (as hard as it may be it needs to be done) She has moved on and is telling you to move on.

L85 · Aug 21, 2009, 04:50 AM

Right then... I rang her last night to try and get some real closure finally and sort of got some but it will do for me, I was on the phone for about 30mins and in this time she did say we would never ger back together- so I'm going to leave it there now and somehow try and sort my head out, even thow she said this I tried to force her to say she didn't have any feelings or still care but she just wouldn't which was rather anoying, and at the end of the call she said ringer her if I ever need to talk- which I won't.

I am still rather confused about all of it but now know I need to leave her alone.

Thanks for everyone's advice its been a big help.

I will probably be asking another question soon asking how to stop going mad, but time will tell

amicon · Aug 21, 2009, 05:31 AM

You won't go mad-you ve just taken the first steps on a path that will lead you to-you! :-)

overayear · Aug 21, 2009, 08:59 AM

I know it sucks man, esp when its not something you want but all you can do is move on. I mean you don't have any other choice you know. It will get better with time. Just stay strong.

britEl · Aug 21, 2009, 11:55 AM

Im happy for you stay strong and don't worry you are now able to start finally healing :)

L85 · Aug 27, 2009, 08:29 AM

Threads merged

Right I'm sure most of you read my post about me splitting up with my ex girlfriend of 4 years, 9 months ago and how I was getting mixed signals from her, heard that she was with someone new and basically couldn't get over her etc etc.

Obviously I still have a lot of feelings for her but I have decided to go for complete no contact after such along time of it eating me up inside I just can't handle it anymore, So I deactivated my Facebook account which was the main source of all my pain in seeing her on there all the time, I know I'm still going to here a lot about her from other people but I will cross that hurdle when it happens.

But what I want to ask now is...

How long has it taken people to get over the ex's using NC and by that I mean you see them walking down the street with some one new and you literally don't care at all and don't give it a second thought, obviously this is different for everyone but I would like to hear some storys if anyone has any..

Thanks Again folks this website is a great help :)

MsMewiththat · Aug 27, 2009, 08:49 AM

I'm going to tell you my opinion only. In my opinion when you see someone that you love old feelings will enter your mind. The degree of pain will have a lot to do with how long it has been since you split. Also, my opinion when you go NC things are left unsaid to a degree. I don't like NC, only because I can only get over the relationship and move on after getting out what I have to say I find closure that way. Asking questions and understanding the whys? I might go for a couple of weeks and not speak or have much to say, but in order to put things in their proper perspective and move forward I have to ask questions and have some answered. Helps me resolve things quicker.
Just me...