[LilMissP]

My partner and I are getting married in 65 days.
two days ago he went through my Facebook, he has my passwords to every account I own as I don't have anything to hide from him.
However, he went through my private messages and found messages between me and another man. They wernt explicit but they where very flirtasious... for him he liked the shock value, seeing how far he could push it. Me I was selfish and immautre and purely enjoyed the attention.
Understandably my partner now thinks that something is going on between me and this friend and thinks I have emotionaly cheated. I've tried to tell him there where empty words, with not feelings or emotions behind them what so ever, but he doesn't believe me. He's thinking of calling off our wedding in 65days. But at the same time he says he doesn't want to think about the wedding right now. That's the last thing on his mind, all he can think about at the moment is trying to forive me and decide whether he wants to work at restoring our relationship.
Now I DID NOT cheat. I know within myself there is no feelings WHAT SO EVER for this man. However I can see how it can EASILY be taken the wrong way out of the approriate context. But I have apologies for it even though I know I didn't cheat. Because it's the only way I think my 'fiance'? Will forgive me, I think if I stick with what I know is right he'll think I'm a cheater trying to cover my tracks, simply trying to play it down and sugar coat it.
Im now in limbo, he's decided he won't leave me because he wants it to work but he won't comment on whether the wedding will go ahead, he doesn't want to be rushed or pushed into making that decision (which I can understand if he thinks I'm a cheat.) but I just don't know what to do. I feel like I need to smother him with affection, devotiong and love to reasure him I do trully love him, and that I won't do such a stupid hurtful thing again, but I feel like he finds it annoying, but on the other hand I think if I stop he'll think I don't care enough...
How can I get my fiance's trust back... it's only been 2 days and we've come far already... but I don't want him to think I'm a cheater when I'm not, but at the moment I don't want to say one words that he doesn't agree with or believe in because I don't want to push him further... and I don't know if I should be giving him solitude and space or be overly affectionate and loving...

[Wondergirl]

Give him solitude and space. Apparently, you did have something to hide, and yes, you cheated. What will you do the next time someone flirts big-time with you, and hubby is not around?

[Gemini54]

My concern is that firstly he felt the need to go through all your messages etc, and secondly that he doesn't believe you when you say that you didn't cheat.

Why did he do this? Did he suspect something? Did he want to find something?

The dynamics sound all weird to me and something is not healthy about your relationship in the first place. You may have been silly and had a flirtatious verbal connection with a man, but is this all it was?

If it is as innocent as you claim, then his reaction seems a bit extreme to me and I would be worried about his capacity to deal with problems. Threatening to call off the wedding sounds like the reaction of someone that is insecure and emotionally immature.

Having said all that, you have 2 options. If, as you say, it was an innocent flirtation then I agree with WonderGirl, let him know that you love him, but that you are done apologizing for something that is in the past. Tell him you will give him time to think about it, but that you want to move forward. After all, you're with him aren't you?

If it wasn't a silly flirtation and he's picked up on this then you have some further explaining to do - both to yourself and him.