[cohenm]

I am white. He is of Asian decent. We have been dating for three years. When we first got together, he told me that he, his brother and his 2 nephews were going to Disney World. I thought that was great! (guy time together) A year later, a photo appeared in his belongings that was taken at Disney World and it had his sister in law in it also. Apparenly, it was not important enough to tell me she went along. I really would not have been mad. We had just started dating a month earlier.

While living in Georgia (together), he would always hang out in Atlanta. But, I was never allowed to go. I was told that the "coffee houses" for Asians was not a place for girls but for men to go and "hang out". I respect that. I, too, go to places that men do not go such as the salon.

He did not tell his family about me until 2 years later. Although, I let him meet my parents within the first 6 months. It hurt but I understood the "I have never introduced my parents to anyone before and only want to when I know I am sure of the relationship". But, hey, how long can someone live together until everyone finds out I exist? (two full years)

The first year, he went on vacation to Las Vegas (met his family there). Of course, I was not asked to go. It hurt- especially since it was going to be our first Christmas together. So, I got the "Im sorry I thought I asked you to go" when he came back 2 weeks later.
He told me he did not have that great of a time but recently I found out that he met up with a lot of people while up there. Nice right?

The third year we went to California so that I could meet his parents for the first time. We drove and several times he brought up his sister in law out of the blue which I thought was a little strange since she has nothing to do with the conversation.

Anyway, the parents were nice. But, it was uncomfortable knowing that when he went last time (everytime I called he was "out doing things" but when he took me there- we stayed inside the house for 9 LONG days! Excuse me, he did take me to the beach for 30 minutes to walk the pier.

Months later, they planned a trip from California to come see us in Texas. Since we have known they were coming- all he would talk about is his sister in law. Not things he wanted to do with his nephew, mom, dad, sister or brother.

So, now they are here. I am at work holding back anger and tears! Since they have been here, its been him trying to make her laugh. Or him starring at her and getting real "giddy" around her. Its to the point of- its sickning to watch or listen to!

We went to dinner last night and she wore a low cut shirt with no bra and he just started "looking", getting all "figity" and .

Please tell me- am I insecure, paranoid, jelous (dont think so) or his he just a JERK??

[Justwantfair]

Sounds like an inconsiderate jerk.
You sound angry.
I think you have to weigh whether you want this relationship.

[talaniman]

He is a class AA jerk, who is making you insecure, and paranoid, over the time you have spent together. That you have put up with this for so long, doesn't make you a good Asian girlfriend, its making you sick.

The question is what do you want to do about it? Are you willing to do what it takes? Will you leave if he doesn't make some adjustments to the situation??

[Sweet_Guy23]

The way he's acting and have acted is showing that he does not value you at all!!

Second point: He has clearly shown that He no interest in you what so ever!! But He definitely show interest in his sis-n-law quite boldly...

You would think that after two years that you guys would have a good fulfilling relationship but that's not the case at all!

Honestly I don't think there will be any change from him... this has drag out to long and too far... enough is enough..

Are you going to go another year with him treating you as if you don't exist or are you going to love and respect yourself enough to just let this jerk go...

[cohenm]

Thank You, guys for answering back. This is my first post and needed just to let off some steam. It was quit helpful actually. Yes, I do know what I need to do from here. Although, it be hard and not exactly sure when but eventually I will be with someone who deserves me. And, hopefully by that point, I will be able to love and trust again. (without being a little "confused/angry") Thanks again!

[N0help4u]

Why are you still with him?

Not meeting the parents -can deal with

Not telling you about her being at Disney -could have dealt with BUT

Constantly talking about her out of the blue and not mentioning her going to Disney
Seems like he was purposely hiding something.

What does the brother say about their behavior? Maybe you should have a talk with him?

[talaniman]

I think standing up for yourself, and not taking any more disrespect, is where you start.