[megan2010]

I met this guy, in April through mutual friends, we live in different steps, about 3 hours apart. At the time, I found the guy interesting, but I was not interested. I had just gotten out of a 2 year relationship about 2 months prior to meeting this guy. We stayed in touch, and eventually he admitted that he liked me and hoped we got to see each other again. In June, the guy drives the 3 hours and stays a weekend with me, I see him two weeks later, then I see him a weekend in July. I am a very guarded person, and rather private about things, it usually takes a whole lot for me to actually like someone. Well, obviously I eneded up liking this guy, he put forth all the effort, etc. Then, he finally tells me he isn't interested in anything serious because he'd gotten out of a serious relationship about the same time I did. I understand that, and he told me he wanted to continue to get to know me, and see me. This seemed perfect, I'm in my last year of grad school, and getting ready to move (coincidentally to the same state he lives in, even though that had been planned prior to even meeting him). All of a sudden, he just quit talking to me, calling me, etc. Guys like their space right? So I tried not to think much about it. However it kind of got ridiculous, and I finally asked him if he was still interested in me or if he was kind of over it. He then goes on to say that this last serious relationship was a 5 year relationship and he didn't know what he wanted, but that he doesn't want to be out of contact with me. And that he knows someday he'll be OK again, but he still is working through having feelings for his ex. I can understand not wanting a relationship right now, and really respect him taking time for himself, however, why did he not disclose this information earlier? He definitely acted like he was available when he was talking and taking me out. I don't want to push him away any more, or bee needy/clingy about where he is, but I'm kind of wondering if he's just being nice about blowing me off, or if I was just his rebound or what. If any guys out there could maybe give me some insight I'd appreciate it.

[liz28]

He might have truly enjoy being around you but knows he is uncapable of being in a relationship and doesn't want to because he just got out of one.

Or maybe this was his way of getting out.

Or maybe he saw he was getting too close so he distance himself from you.

The list can be endless and he only he knows the exact the reason. However, I learnt that when someone tell you something you should listen closely to their words. At least he didn't string you along.

[jmjoseph]

Why don't you ask HIM this question? Talk to him, and find out what he's thinking. I know he's giving mixed signals, but maybe he IS just confused. I wish you luck.

[kctiger]

It's pretty simple as a guy. Ordinarily the first time you find someone of interest after a serious relationship break up, you truly think you are ready to jump in and start a new relationship. Same thing happened to me. I was extremely interested in this girl and thought that I really wanted to start something (first true chance at a relationship after my break up). As quick as I was interested I realized I was even quicker to lose interest and back away.

In my mind I wasn't ready to have a relationship, and I also know EXACTLY what I want from a women. Most guys know this as well and can tell from a few meetings/dates with them, regardless of how interested they act. It didn't take me long to realize not only was I not ready to date long term yet, but I also didn't want to date this girl long term either. My feelings still haven't changed and that was 6 months ago when I dated her. It just happens that usually the first person we connect with after a serious break up can cause intense feelings much quicker than usual.

[talaniman]

I wouldn't dwell on him any longer, as its clear he needs a lot more space, for himself.

Just as you took time to build up interest in him, he has found he is not yet ready as he thought for anything serious. Bad timing more than anything else, I would say.

[jmw0713]

Exactly what KC said. It happened to me too. I also agree with Tal.

You two can still remain friends and get to know each other more and maybe, when the time is right, you can take that friendship to the next level.

If the guy says he isn't ready, take him at his word. Remember that doing anything beyond "friends only" type activities will not change his mind and make him want to be with you. Not saying that you did.

[Sweet_Guy23]

Kctiger, talaniman, jmv0713, are right:

He thought he could just jump back into dating and possibly start something new, but quickly realized he wasn't ready for that due to his previous situation or relationship. Believe me its all him not you at all.

I've been there myself... still is... kinda... sort of

Just keep things on the friendship level for right now...

[megan2010]

Thanks guys, I guess I figured as much. It is never easy and I appreciate the feedback.