Is my ex looking for something better?

paxe · Aug 16, 2009, 09:52 AM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

She is probably playing cat and mouse just to get a reaction out of you. Don't play into it.
If you ignore her and don't act curious or hurt or anything that will accomplish more than confronting her.
If you go asking her why, try to figure out motives and give her a bunch of attention then it is going to reinforce her feelings of why she left you.
If she wanted you back she would have came right out and asked you to take her back.
When you go out let her bring anything up otherwise ignore her.

I think she sent the text message to her boyfriend... but for some reason it came into my cell. I don't want her back, I'd rather be alone in life than be with her and I strongly feel that I need to tell her not to send me text message anymore.

I don't want her to play with me anymore again and I want to make that very clear with her. Am I wrong to do that? I feel really strongly about it.

N0help4u · Aug 16, 2009, 09:53 AM

Then that is all you say
''Please do not send me texts to me or whoever you meant to send them to. Don't bother wasting your time''.

talaniman · Aug 16, 2009, 11:00 AM

Can't you see that she is pushing your buttons for a relpy? Ignore her, and her texts, simply delete, and do not react.

paxe · Aug 17, 2009, 03:49 PM

Just a bit of an update:
So I did call my ex up to ask her why she sent me those texts and she said that the cell wasn't even with her. She was a bit stressed then started to ask me how my summer was, I was cold and kept it short.

I'm feeling a bit weird and down, nothing I can get back from though. But I do have my doubt about finding a future girlfriend. I know I shouldn't be concentrating on that right now but my mind keeps coming back to thinking about girls. I also had a "failed" date last week, it didn't end up too great (it seemed she was annoyed).

N0help4u · Aug 17, 2009, 03:51 PM

Why was she annoyed?

paxe · Aug 17, 2009, 08:48 PM

I think she was annoyed because I didn't continue the conversation. She thought that I wanted to become friends with her, this is why she was initially happy to hear me, until I was cold and distant. I think she is doing fine now without me but it's very probably that we will both fall in love with each other if I get in contact again with her. I don't want to get back with her and I don't want any feelings.

My main problem is to stop thinking about girls and wanting a girlfriend. I feel I'm just trying to prove myself. I've been doing lots of sports, some activities and uni is going to start again soon but for some reason when I have some free time walking or something else, my mind keeps thinking about girls. Any advice on how NOT to think about them?

N0help4u · Aug 17, 2009, 08:51 PM

You will do fine. Keep being strong.

paxe · Aug 17, 2009, 08:55 PM

Thanks, I know I will. You're right I just need to keep positive thoughts!

talaniman · Aug 18, 2009, 06:52 AM

Any advice on how NOT to think about them?

You will have those thoughts until you get one to give attention to, and get attention from.

Darn girls, they know we like 'em so much, and that's all we think about sometimes. Especially after a break up, but moving from the last one, to the next one is tricky, because the healing process has to be complete, or you accept anything, just to have a female. That's where more problems start. Thank God for sports.

paxe · Aug 18, 2009, 07:55 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You will have those thoughts until you get one to give attention to, and get attention from.

Darn girls, they know we like 'em so much, and thats all we think about sometimes. Especially after a break up, but moving from the last one, to the next one is tricky, because the healing process has to be complete, or you accept anything, just to have a female. Thats where more problems start. Thank God for sports.

You're so right talaniman! But I do believe that I can limit the amount of time I want to be thinking about girls. The good news, as the day passes I'm not stressing as much about girls. Damm girls, we can't live with them, we can't live without them. At 22 I'm stressing about not finding a girl and afraid of being alone the rest of my life. I really need to be working on myself lol.

paxe · Oct 11, 2009, 08:53 AM

It's been a while since I've posted here. Anyhow I've been doing pretty good, sport, school, I've joined a human rights group which I'm really active and I'm in charge of a huge fundraising. I'm also much more social than before and meet a lof of people.

I have quite a number of girls interested in me, but I don't want to date now. I've been doing NC for 3 month right now and it's been doing wonders. Everybody says I'm much better now then when I was with my ex.

Well with all that, I'm thinking more and more about my ex. I think about our good time passed together, our bad times and how the break up happened. I'm starting to miss more and more my ex, though I'm trying not to think too much of my ex.

I was wondering if it's normal that I'm thinking more and more about my ex and getting more and more feelings. I don't want to have anything to do with her but I can't control my thoughts. She cheated on me and they took a picture of it (they kept the picture) and it hurts if I think about it until know. She left quite a scar in me.

talaniman · Oct 11, 2009, 02:32 PM

Ever hear the expression "its always darkest before the dawn"? That's where you are, you have come far, and the light will soon shine, so keep doing what got you through the dark times, and don't give up just yet... no matter how much, your mind tries to trick your feelings.

paxe · Nov 25, 2009, 06:50 PM

A bit of update:
A couple of weeks ago, I got a message from gmail asking me to change my email. The only other person in this world who knows my password is my ex (I haven't changed it).
Then not so long ago, I see some settings changed in Facebook (my chat went from online to offline, other stuff). My ex is the only one who has my passwords.

Now I have nothing to hide and I don't care if she found out stuff about me, but I want to call her to stop doing that. Knowing her, it's very possible she's still hang up on me ( there is no chance I want anything to do with her ).
The logical thing would be to change my passwords, but I have too many accounts to change and it seems easier to just tell her to stop doing it.

On my part, I'm doing extremely well. I'm overly busy with work, volunteering, friend, and sport. I don't have too much time for girls, but I do have some feeling of loneliness from time to time. I know it's much much harder to meet girls because I'm extremely busy with school (I'm in the hardest degree on campus) and there is only guys in my bachelor :s. I'm just rationalizing reason NOT to go out with girls but... it's really hard to fight nature's urges :).

talaniman · Nov 25, 2009, 06:58 PM

I know your doing very well as its reflected in your other posts, but it may be better to follow your logic and do the work involved in changing your password, than try to confront someone to change their behavior.

Having said that though, I trust your judgment about which way to handle this.

paxe · Nov 25, 2009, 07:47 PM

Thanks Tal,
It's always good to have your opinion on board. I'll take into account what you said. My getting better is all thanks to you and this board actually. It feels great to go from utter shock and loss, to complete control on my life and complete happiness. I'm so happy these things doesn't affect me anymore :D. I'll buy a drink sometime if we do meet each other one day.

amicon · Nov 26, 2009, 01:59 AM

Paxe, I 'd just change the passwords if I were you,logic always makes sense.

paxe · Nov 26, 2009, 09:50 PM

You guys are right. It does seem that changing passwords is better, but part of me wants to tell her to **** off, kind of a personal revenge. Though the sweetest revenge is living a happy life.

Now coming to happy life, I feel kind of down. I think this may apply to other people. I am pretty charismatic, slightly shy but with a hint of confidence, good looking. The thing is I'm in a degree there is only guys and insane amount of work (electrical engineering). I just feel down where almost all my friends are partying and meeting new people, and I have to stay home and study...

I mean my social life is taking a big hit with that.

amicon · Nov 26, 2009, 10:41 PM

Even though you have this heavy workload can't you take time out to just socialize a couple of times a week?
We all need time off sometimes.

paxe · Nov 26, 2009, 11:07 PM

Ah! I'm in the hardest degree on campus in an Ivy league school (top 12th university in the world). For 4 years I have done only that, and it's getting hard on me know, especially without fallback (gf). During the summer I am in internship and the people are old and unsociable.

Mind you I still have my old friends and I meet people but I have to say no to everybody who asks me to go out. During free time, my brothers come and visit me and I pass time with them. I mean time... is an extreme luxury in my case. I'm graduating in 1 year... but it is such a long time.

talaniman · Nov 27, 2009, 06:14 AM

Stay focused Paxe, but by planning and collaborating with your family, you can have some fun before you return to bury your nose back in your books. You'll be glad you made the sacrifice of a good time to get that degree, and open up the many options, and opportunities, that come with the hard work you have done... and completed. The world will be at your feet then buddies. Hang in there, its ONLY a year, as compared to the lifetime it sets you up for.

Add your answer here.