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prkiller · Aug 17, 2009, 01:40 PM

Just recently my wife told me that she does not feel the same way about me, she says that she does not love me but that she still cares a lot and that she does not want me to leave. I feel really bad, I'm hurting some much, and she also said that this did not happened overnight. I know that I allowed for thing to become a routine, I was not showing her much affection and demonstrating how much I love her! I am going crazy, someone help!! PLEASE:confused:

pluckyflamingo · Aug 17, 2009, 01:44 PM

Why don't you try a couples therapy retreat. Start doing the things that you know you should be doing. Bring that spark back in the fire and remind her of why she married you

Justwantfair · Aug 17, 2009, 01:44 PM

She still cares, she isn't leaving.
Time to put the affection back into your marriage.
Nothing is lost here that can not be found.

prkiller · Aug 17, 2009, 01:54 PM

[QUOTE=Justwantfair;1929642]She still cares, she isn't leaving.
Time to put the affection back into your marriage.
Nothing is lost here that can not be found.[/QUOTE
I'm trying to do these things, but she is making it difficult too. She says to give her time.

pluckyflamingo · Aug 17, 2009, 01:58 PM

Then I would give her time. A woman's mind is delicate, I would continue to do things for her (not overwhelming though) and just wait for her to see the change in you. I know it does change magically but if you continue to work on it, it will show her how much you love her.

Justwantfair · Aug 17, 2009, 01:59 PM

Then ask her to try counseling or as suggested a couple's retreat so that you can rebuild the bond.
If she can't do that for your marriage, then you have to choose whether being with someone who cares but doesn't love you is good enough for you. If it is, then never speak of it again and you have a marriage of friends. If it's not, then it's time for you to do what you have to do to be in a fulfilled marriage.

prkiller · Aug 17, 2009, 02:09 PM

I'm trying, I guess she is also making it hard because she's hurt! But honestly, I really did not pay attention to the signs!

pluckyflamingo · Aug 17, 2009, 02:16 PM

You need to start trying then

prkiller · Aug 17, 2009, 02:20 PM

I forgot to mention that we have a 1 1/2 year old daughter, yesterday we had a conversation and out of anger I mentioned that I was going to leave and she got on her need crying begging me not to do that, that it would finish destroying her plans as a family! I ask god every day to give me the strength to continue.

prkiller · Aug 17, 2009, 02:23 PM

Originally Posted by prkiller

I forgot to mention that we have a 1 1/2 year old daughter, yesterday we had a conversation and out of anger i mentioned that i was going to leave and she got on her nee crying begging me not to do that, that it would finish destroying her plans as a family! I ask god every day to give me the strength to continue.

Correction, this was 4 ays ago!

Justwantfair · Aug 17, 2009, 02:24 PM

We are telling you the only thing that may fix your marriage.
What is it that you want to hear?

mpolo · Aug 17, 2009, 02:26 PM

Take her to a romantic vacation, show her affection, and if she is not living you she probably still does love you.

prkiller · Aug 17, 2009, 02:27 PM

OK, will do that. Thank you!

450donn · Aug 17, 2009, 03:28 PM

Get professional counseling. Whether you have a minister/priest or secular, get professional help. There sounds like far deeper issues than one romantic weekend will cure.

winding200 · Aug 20, 2009, 10:31 AM

Originally Posted by prkiller

I forgot to mention that we have a 1 1/2 year old daughter, yesterday we had a conversation and out of anger i mentioned that i was going to leave and she got on her nee crying begging me not to do that, that it would finish destroying her plans as a family! I ask god every day to give me the strength to continue.

Every relationship has up and down. Romantic feeling needs to be 'refreshed & maintained' even in marriage, otherwise it will stale. If you are in position you can threaten your wife by saying that you would leave, and if she cried, your relationship is very sold. It is s good news. You just need spicy it up.

She is craving your romantic attention like before. Simple.
I feel very loved when my husband brings me flowers, lingerie gifts, chocolates, and breakfast tray in bed occasionally even when it is not a special day. Why don't you try it? Please do not forget to say 'I love you, you are beautiful, I am very lucky to have you, I have you all the time in my mind' in any forms (word, email, phone calls, etc) ALL THE TIME! Women like to & need to hear it ALL THE TIME just ike fish needs water. (Please keep saying it until she says please stop it. She will never say to stop it though. Did you get it? HAHA)

For romantic getaway, I recommend a cruise trip 'without your baby'. Happy second honeymoon!

Although, you made her knee, and it is not good at all. Treat her like your novel lover & queen. She will treat you back as lover & king. Please do not flatten her ego, but boost it. If you make her low, it will not be good for your marriage, but only damaging your relationship.

Ren6 · Aug 20, 2009, 10:36 AM

Originally Posted by prkiller

I forgot to mention that we have a 1 1/2 year old daughter, yesterday we had a conversation and out of anger i mentioned that i was going to leave and she got on her nee crying begging me not to do that, that it would finish destroying her plans as a family! I ask god every day to give me the strength to continue.

O.K. I'll give you a little tip. Threatening to leave her will not make her feel that you are trying to bring affection back into the relationship. The smart thing to do would be if YOU got down on your knee and asked her to please try to salvage the love in your relationship... with you. Through counseling. The two of you have a young child, you really need to try and work this thing out.

Gemini54 · Aug 20, 2009, 09:55 PM

I agree with Ren6, making threats is not going to make her feel more loved or appreciated. What's wrong with you? On the one hand you're bleating about needing advice to rekindle the love in your relationship and on the other hand you're making threats to leave.

There may well be good reason why your wife has fallen out of love with you and it sounds like it's because you're an insensitive prat. Relationships need to be nurtured and valued, I'm sure you understand this.

You've talked about how your wife does not love you any more, but you've not mentioned your feelings for her. Do you still love her? Are you prepared to demonstrate it?

Then you need to make changes - however, it has taken some time to create this situation, and it will take some time to un-create it. Begin by really listening to what she has to say, valuing her contribution to the relationship and keeping your mouth shut.

I also agree that you would benefit from seeing an objective and professional adviser.

prkiller · Aug 29, 2009, 07:51 AM

Yes I love her very much and am willing to do what ever it takes! I just think that she has made a decision already and probably will not change! Next Monday is our first counseling session, I'm hoping for the best!

jmjoseph · Aug 29, 2009, 08:07 AM

Originally Posted by prkiller

Yes i love her very much and am willing to do what ever it takes! I just think that she has made a decision already and probably will not change! Next Monday is our first counseling session, i'm hoping for the best!

I wish only the best for you. This must be breaking your heart. She doesn't love you, but she doesn't want you to leave. Are you the primary provider?

Jake2008 · Aug 29, 2009, 10:45 AM

Originally Posted by prkiller

Just recently my wife told me that she does not feel the same way about me, she says that she does not love me but that she still cares a lot and that she does not want me to leave. I feel really bad, i'm hurting some much, and she also said that this did not happened overnight. I know that I allowed for thing to become a routine, i was not showing her much affection and demonstrating how much i love her! I am going crazy, someone help!!!! PLEASE:confused:

I'm a little miffed about the behaviour of your wife. She just knocked you on your derrierre with the fact that she doesn't love you anymore, and she has no reasons for that?

Unless she has the intelligence of a knat, she can surely explain WHY she feels that way, how long she's felt that way, and why it came out now, in this blunt, selfish, and disrespectful way?

Just what is her problem. If things were so bad, why didn't she say something! This didn't happen overnight, as she said. Was she walking around depressed dragging her feet, crying all night long, moaning and complaining, mascara running down her face when you came home from work? The house dishevelled, kids in dirty diapers, bills not getting paid? Is this the sort of thing you didn't notice, or was it business as usual.

I know I'm over the top with the examples, but I'm trying to point out, that a person simply cannot go for a long period in obvious distress about her marriage, and not say anything??

Did she ever once sit you down and say, "We need to talk", or "I've been feeling really depressed over our marriage", or "I want us to have marriage counselling because you aren't listening to me", or "I'm telling you for the last time, you have to communicate", anything? Anything at all?

Just right out of the blue she decides she doesn't love you, and can't back it up.

I'm sorry, but I do not see it as your fault, the way you have written your post. I'm not going to assume you are a mind reader, or have a crystal ball, or consult regularly with psychics. Is there a whole lot more to the story here, that you aren't saying?