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lovepolis · Aug 16, 2009, 06:54 AM

Hi guys...
look... I am currently in a fix... theres guy A that I like and very attracted to but there's also guy B who is going after me quite persistently.

guy A and B are in a group of close guy buddies. There is a group of 8 of them. They are like brothers. Amongst the 8 of them. Guy B is closest to guy A and another guy in the group.

And the group of guys knows that Guy B likes me, including Guy A

GUY A:
I got to know guy B first and introduced me to his group of guy friends one day. That very day I noticed guy A because he strikes me as someone who is quite matured and I like his quiet confidence vibe.

Guy A doesn't know at all that I am interested in him. I am not the proactive type so I don't think I want to make the first move.

Because Guy B tells me quite a bit about Guy A and from Guy B, I feel that guy A is such a great chap. And apparently Guy A went through the same fate as me. Our partners of 6 years left us for another richer and more successful person. So I tot maybe we can understand each other better if we ever get together.

every time when we are in a group, guy A and I will always be talking quite a bit to each other, we will be sitting in front of each other or beside. I don't know if I am thinking too much... but I do have a strong chemistry him. I like him but I don't know how to let him know or start this with him. =(

In terms of compatibility I feel that me and Guy A is better. When there is a saying in chinese, being loved is bliss to love is miserable.

Guy B:

I got to know Guy B in Sept 2008. He left to another country in Jan 2009. The very day he left he told me that he wanted to tell me he likes me but he didn't because he wasn't sure if its infatuation or if he really likes me

He came back in August 2009 for two weekend... and we spent quite a bit of time together with his frens. Before he left he finally told me that he likes me. And since then he has been calling me from overseas and we will chat on msn or email to stay in contact.

He is really sweet, he told me he is really serious about me and he will be back in Oct to work things out with me so we can be together.

I told guy B that I have good feelings for him but we don't really know each other that well and we should take this time to get to know each other better.

Guy B is very proactive and I feel he can potentially love me a lot. I do feel quite blissful sometimes when I think of Guy B but his family is in another country although not far away about 3.5 hrs by plane. He is more open minded than me, I am more conservative. He speaks with an accent which I am not so comfortable with. He is quite unstable with his job and rather playful. But he told me that he wants to change, quit drinking and going out. And be serious with his life and job.

He even told me this
B says:
I want to tell u something
B says:
but don't freak out or anything k
B says:
when I think about you
B says:
I will picture myself
B says:
if we can get married
B says:
n live together
B says:
till we are old
B says:
if I can't picture that
B says:
then I probably won't even tell u I like u
B says:
seriously that's how I felt
B says:
but its not like I'm thinking too much

__________________________________________________ __________________

If you are me... what will u do?

lovepolis · Aug 16, 2009, 07:27 AM

I really like GUY A... I am torn!

N0help4u · Aug 16, 2009, 07:40 AM

Look at the situation practically
When will guy B be back?
If he is going to be gone for years he can't expect you to carry on a long distance relationship and then it possibly not work out when he gets back

Do you think guy A will ever really take any real bf/gf interest in you? Do you think if it didn't work out with him guy B would be willing to 'take you back'?

Maybe you should just remain friends with guy B and build on the relationship where its at without any commitment since it is long distance
And IF and when guy A does take an interest in you get to know him better before you 'go out with him'
That way you aren't putting yourself on the spot and making wrong choices.

lovepolis · Aug 16, 2009, 07:48 AM

Guy A always engage me in conversations because he very interested in my job but I don't think he will ever make a move because Guy B told all his buddies that he like me and is going to go after me.

And because of this my door with Guy A seems to have closed...
I feel so depressed...

N0help4u · Aug 16, 2009, 07:51 AM

Well you talk to guy A and you have guy B interested in you so I still say the best thing is to just be friends with both of them and see where it goes. When something is meant to be it has a way of working out. Time usually fixes a lot of things we feel hopeless about.
The problem is our jumping the gun and trying to make things work when maybe they weren't meant to go that way

lovepolis · Aug 16, 2009, 08:06 AM

I think I am confused and I told guy B that I have good feelings...
Is it wrong?

N0help4u · Aug 16, 2009, 08:10 AM

No it isn't wrong. I am just saying don't rush anything with either one of them just take it day by day.

When is guy B coming back?

lovepolis · Aug 16, 2009, 08:12 AM

October and mainly is to see me and tell me about his plans to see how we can be together

N0help4u · Aug 16, 2009, 08:15 AM

Originally Posted by aryan2008

BUT U can't INITIATE UNTIL[,U HAV D VIBES CMING FRM GUY A ALSO.
MAYBE UR DESPERATE STEPS ENDED LOSNG BOTH.BUT U CAN HELP GUY A BY GIVNG SOME INDICATIONS 2 GUY B DAT U REALLY LIKE GUY A.DIS WILL GO THROUGH CIRCLE,AND IF GUY A LIKES U ,HE WILL SURELY APPROACH U/QUOTE]

She has no guarantee that guy A will ever be interested in her even if she makes it known that she likes him so the ''he will surely approach you''
Is NOT sure.

IF she lets guy B know she is interested in guy A that will damage their relationship

liz28 · Aug 16, 2009, 08:16 AM

If you didn't like guy B when did you tell him you have feelings for him? Yes, that is wrong--dead wrong and all it does is lead him on.

If you didn't like his advantages towards you you should have stop it a long time ago but somehow I believe you love the attention Guy B is showing you. There is nothing with not liking a person who likes you.

Now since you did what you did, if you were to go after Guy A all you would be doing is coming between friends because you mislead Guy B. You should have simply told Guy B you like Guy A and is going to presume him but would like to just be friends with Guy B. Simple, but you didn't go this route.

Btw, more than likely Guy A wouldn't have presume anything with you esspecially since he knows how Guy B feels about you--if he was a true a friend. So it is best for you to go in another direction.

N0help4u · Aug 16, 2009, 08:19 AM

I think she sort of likes Guy B but is comparing him to her infatuation with guy A

Thing is the grass isn't always greener
And sounds to me like she could have a more solid relationship with guy B.
Often girls will go after guys for superfical reasons when the guy that you may not be as interested in may be someone that is deeper and closer in things of the heart and in his ways in the long run may prove to be better

lovepolis · Aug 16, 2009, 08:21 AM

Yes I must admit that I do like the attention that guy B is giving me... and he really sweet and I am touched. If I am quite sure if Guy B didn't go after me, I wouldn't have good feelings for him. I do miss Guy B's presence

But I have something for Guy A since the first time we met...

lovepolis · Aug 16, 2009, 08:22 AM

Yes nohelpforu...

I feel that although the start of this is that Guy B likes me first...
But he seems serious... and we can potentially be happy together

But every time I see guy A... I feel depressed...

And imagine... in the future when I am really with guy B...
I will have to hang out with guy A too

I will feel even worse facing him

N0help4u · Aug 16, 2009, 08:23 AM

Like I said often what you feel for guy A is nothing more than intrigue and infatuation.
A relationship may not even work out with him.

Be friends and don't push anything or get in to anything you don't want or aren't ready for with either of them.

Often we imagine what a person would be like but we mold them into our image and not who they really are

lovepolis · Aug 16, 2009, 08:35 AM

OK I will try to be rational here and hold it there... and not do anything foolish/irrational...

Guy B keeps telling me that he wants to settle down with me...
And that's the feeling he gets when he goes out with me...

Is he just making me happy or is this real

N0help4u · Aug 16, 2009, 08:47 AM

If you aren't that sure about guy B you need to tell him that he needs to slow down a bit because you haven't even thought about a serious relationship yet.
BUT you should not use guy A as your reason even in your own mind.

talaniman · Aug 17, 2009, 10:05 AM

When guys confuse you like that, you're just reacting to the attention, and the fantasy of more attention, and are not ready for a relationship.

You should be very careful acting on these kinds of attractions, and from your other posts, your attracted to any guy that gives you any attention.

You seem way to eager for romance, and don't seem to have a handle on your own feelings yet.

Can't you just be single, and date on a casual friendly basis? How about broadening your horizons beyond where you work, as that may not be a great idea either.

You need some girlfriends to hang out with, and some hobbies and fun activities that takes you beyond the guys at work.