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    Starry nights's Avatar
    Starry nights Posts: 213, Reputation: 104
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    #1

    Aug 12, 2009, 01:02 AM
    A new person and old memories
    Ok so I met a guy recently who's ,well, just a guy at the moment:)I just met him,I don't know him and of course have no feelings for him whatsoever.Neither am I attracted to him but since I was introduced to him and ,well, spent some time talking to him,he qualifies in the category of being a new guy whom I have been introduced to, with the specific idea of checking whether we like each other enough to start dating.

    He obviously is more interested in the whole thing than me since he's already sent me mails and texts and keeps talking about "the time when we go out".I've kept things very basic and clear.I do talk to him and reply to his messages but I haven't shown any "interest" or attraction so far simply because I don't feel it.

    One of the main reasons is its too early.I barely spoke with him twice and don't even know him.Yes I do look for that special thing right away,the thing that can easily lead to a great connection.Its of course not looks,but could be anything.A word,a trait,sense of humour etc etc.None of that is still there with this guy.

    Another reason is all the old memories of my ex.Of course I am over him and all that(havent I worked enough on myself the past 6 months)but why is it that now after all the time,I have begun dreaming of him,re-reading our old mails,thinking of our times together.Why is it that I keep bringing up every old ref whenever this new guy talks to me?Comparing the two is indecent and just not done I know.But I still end up doing that.Its like I am strong when I am on my own and enjoying life but the moment there's someone new on the horizon,the relapse happens.Is this normal?

    In my heart I know I still have feelings for my ex and from this forum I have learnt maybe its normal to have those feelings for the rest of my life.But is it that what's preventing me from being open with this new guy or do I conclude I don't have feelings for the new guy at all and should just stop trying working on it and move on?
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #2

    Aug 12, 2009, 01:29 AM
    I don't think you are completely over your ex-nor do I think that you are ready for a new relationship yet but you might think that you should be? If there is no attraction on your side towards this new man - that's just life and you should let him know this.
    Starry nights's Avatar
    Starry nights Posts: 213, Reputation: 104
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    #3

    Aug 12, 2009, 03:34 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by amicon View Post
    I dont think you are completely over your ex-nor do I think that you are ready for a new relationship yet but you might think that you should be? If there is no attraction on your side towards this new man - thats just life and you should let him know this.
    You know amicon,in a way,I really know it,feel it and believe it,that my relationship with my ex is over.There was a reason why it ended and right or wrong,acceptable or not,its over and done with.I honestly have figured out what I want and don't want in a relationship,post the break-up.Our relationship had soured beyond measure and I don't think I want to get back in that situation ever again.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #4

    Aug 12, 2009, 04:25 AM

    It's the fact that you mention old memories that makes me think this.
    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,653, Reputation: 1319
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    #5

    Aug 12, 2009, 05:22 AM

    I have old memories of my ex... I think your problem is that you have ZERO interest in this guy. There is a huge difference between being caught up on your ex and just simply not being interested in a new "guy". You don't have to date the first guy that shows interest in you. Take your time and find a guy whom you connect with and are attracted to.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    Aug 12, 2009, 07:43 AM
    I agree with the others, as maybe you just ain't into this guy. Nothing wrong with that, just be honest, and let him know you aren't seeing any romance with him, and its friends only.

    Not every encounter with guys has to be about romance. Not all dates are for love. People can have fun you know.
    Starry nights's Avatar
    Starry nights Posts: 213, Reputation: 104
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    #7

    Aug 13, 2009, 12:06 AM

    A strange thing happened yesterday.After I posted that I wasn't interested at all in this guy and all,I found he had e-mailed me.Just a simple,mail to ask me how I was doing and to say he found my views on relationships very deep and sensible(I had been very upfront about what I was looking for in a relationship the day before) and hoped that I found someone who could live up to that.There was no hint at all that I consider him or that he wanted me to jump into a relationship with him right away.

    I somehow liked that.Its like giving me the space and freedom to choose.Maybe I will just take it very very slow ,go out with him once and see what's in store for me?
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #8

    Aug 13, 2009, 12:14 AM
    That would make sense. Sometimes there's more to it than meets the eye.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Aug 13, 2009, 06:06 AM

    Dating is not a commitment to anything, it's a social thing to have fun and get to know someone. You may make a good friend.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #10

    Aug 13, 2009, 06:26 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Starry nights View Post
    I somehow liked that.Its like giving me the space and freedom to choose.Maybe I will just take it very very slow ,go out with him once and see whats in store for me?
    I always want somebody that is going to be long term/commitment but you can't just jump into that it takes time and you have to start somewhere. Jumping into 'LOVE' rarely works
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