[doesitgetbetter]

Either 1) He is going to propose and wants to keep the element of surprise OR
2) He wants to move forward by moving in/buying a house together without further commitment.

Not really sure if he is playing you along or does indeed have plans to marry you bust just isn't ready yet. However...

If you are ready to get married and he is not then you should probably sit down and have a serious talk about it. And then decide whether you should move on OR you can wait until he is ready? If you wait remember there is a chance that he may find that you are not the one. Personally I would not buy a house together without an engagement. That is kind of a big financial commitment without any real relationship investment.

[doesitgetbetter]

Tell him to buy the house himself. Maybe one of his sibilings/parents can help him with that. Or he can get a roommate. Why do u have to move in and financially be responsible for a joint investment while u are not married? I think you have a gut feeling about this otherwise you would not be blogging about it.

[amicon]

I think therapy will be very good for the two of you-it should give you a clearer understanding of who you are and what you want from your relationship.I wish you the best of luck. Its nearly ten pm here so I ll say good night from England. :-)

[crisluvsu731]

That is the thing though. We already live together and as often as he tells me how special I am to him and how much I mean to him, there was a night when he told me that he thinks that marriage is just something the government wants people to do, so they can get more money from us. Then he says all the reasons he wouldn't want to get married. Even though lately he has been saying how he wants to get married to me, just doesn't know when, I can't help but to think back to that night. Ya know? Am I reading too much into it?

[crisluvsu731]

Thank you for the advise. I have always wanted to visit England. Lol. Goodnight

[simoneaugie]

You can put a few things on paper about what you bring to the relationship. Like, honesty, loyalty, companionship and stuff. It sounds as if you two need to work on your communication differences. Write a short thing describing what your frustrations are and what changes you are willing to make. What would make communication okay for you?

He doesn't need to change completely. But then, neither do you. Get ideas from the therapist to try. Keep a journal to record what worked, what didn't and why you think so.

[crisluvsu731]

Well the list is just about what I bring to the relationship that makes it as GOOD as it is, not what could make it better.

[talaniman]

I think your wise to be cautious. You want one thing and he wants another, that's a bit of a conflict. The thing is can you work through it? That's what defines any relationship. Resolving your issues through honest communication to the benefit of you both. Those couples who don't do this, never last.

Getting a house together is a really big investment, and shouldn't be taken lightly, but marriage must not be taken lightly either.

[crisluvsu731]

I know. I don't believe in us getting a house until we are married, am I wrong for that?

[talaniman]

Absolutely not. Why can't he compromise with you? Ever think of it that way?

[simoneaugie]

So, is it that short of a list?

[Fr_Chuck]

And not having a good list will help them see problem areas to work on.

[talaniman]

This is Yourself evaluation, so just be honest and let your counselor guide you through the process, just do what she says, no cheating, that's why I will have no suggestions. I can see where marriage has not happened yet though after rereading your other posts, which are being merged together.


Please keep all your questions regarding the same issue in the same thread so that we can follow your story and give you appropriate responses.

[crisluvsu731]

Well, we had a talk and he said that once he works on his depression, he wants to then focus on our future together. So until then, just have to hope for the best.