[kittin13]

So I've been back and forth with my emotions. I would be fine more so if my dreams didn't keep featuring my ex. This always happens when I think I am ready to let go. I don't understand the subconscious sometimes!

So let me delve more into things.

Okay, so I don't even know where to start... all right, so I have been on and off with my ex for 6.5 years, but we have been good friends for 8+ years. We were together for about 3 years and a few months the first time we split. This split lasted almost a year. We got back together because we still loved each other. During this break I dated, he didn't.. so I got to experience more people. I wasn't serious with anyone, it was all just fun. So we lasted about another 3 years and I needed some time to think about things, and he wouldn't have it. He said We are either together or not. BUT I needed to figure stuff out within myself, I was going through a lot. So during these few months I started to date someone else.. it was actually someone I dated during the year long break but it ended shortly because I realized what I was doing was wrong. So then we get back together a few months later.
So then my ex was living with me for a few months. For the past few years before this split he would always check my email, and he demanded I do not speak with any males he did not know personally, or ones who used to 'like' me. Even old friends from high school. He started becoming reallllly controlling and possessive. He would follow me around wherever I would go, really.. even to go to the bathroom he would follow me. I know maybe he was worried, but it was kind of annoying. Every time I brought it up he apologized, but he would keep doing it. I feel like in a way it pushed me away, so I needed another break. He was on top of me pretty much. I live with my mother and siblings, so the household was definitely NOT stress free. I started playing a game online, and he got upset that I was talking to all the guys on there. He thought I had crushes on all of them. So this just added to it. So we broke up. Now the thing is, we slept in the same bed for about a month after we split. We even had sex once, he initiated it. I said we should stop, but he said "well we started it, we might as well finish". I just felt so wrong about things. So I find out he is going on dates with girls he says he has 'no interest in', so I screamed at him and kicked him out. Here he is texting some girl he just met at a bar while laying in my bed.? So he ends up staying at a friends, and I come home one day after work and all his stuff is gone. He moved into one of his best friend's homes. So now this is where I'm all torn. I feel like whenever a girl is single, guys just leech.. no offense. I just notice this. So I had distractions, but when things settled I just missed my ex. And then he starts to date his best friends sister. They live together. So within a month after having sex he is seeing someone else? She (his new gf) just broke up with her ex that same month. Coincidence? I don't know.. He would tell me he doesn't love me anymore, but I was told differently. I'm really good friends with his family.. so they tell me things, even though I really don't want to hear it. So randomly we chat online.. and we are okay (this is before I knew they were together), and he starts talking about sexual things with me.. saying he would have sex with me but he wanted me to get over him. This is while he is seeing this new girl.The thing that grosses me out, is he noce called this girl a 'sister'. She's a lot younger as well.. ehk! So now whenever we speak he sounds all pompous about himself, and he says he is love with this girl. They went on a week long vacation for his birthday. It's upsetting because they went where I wanted to go with him, and I have spent 8 years with him on his birthday. It just hurt. He had not a care in the world for how I was doing even though he said he wanted to stay friends. I just.. ugh. And I have a feeling this girl wanted him the whole time, she was always weird to me, and flocked to him. So now that she has him, she is his slave. No joke! So why would he want toleave that? It just hurts because he said he still loved me to his mother.. but then instantly he doesn't? He also never see's his family or some old friends (who we share)anymore, and he abandoned his cat. This cat was so important to him. I guess he is trying to move forward.. but he is doing it without a care for anyone but himself... I feel. The thing is though.. is I was his first, girlfriend and everything.. so I'm glad he is getting to experience other people, but to be in love after not even a month? That hurts. esp. since we were so close for so long. I felt replaced.

But recently I decided to cut him from my life completely. I got rid of every single thing he ever gave me, or made or anything. I gave it all back to him. When I ask for stuff in return he acts all nonchalant. I feel like the man I once loved is completely dead. He is not the same person AT ALL! And that is kind of depressing that everything was a lie if so. He also said he won't treat her the way he treated me i.e.. Controlling, possessive, watchful. So she gets the world.. while I had to go through all that stress. It's just not fair in my opinion. BUt yes, as I was saying.. I cut him off because I was going through some rough times and he couldn't even be there for me.. even as a 'friend'. He would call my sister and curse her out for not being there.. but that's different. It's only the person who causes the pain can fix it. You know? So I don't even know what to do. Some days I am fine, and happy.. but I wake up and this is all the first thought in my head. I always tell myself he couldn't give a damn about me at all, so why should I do the same for him. And that makes it easier.. but still, the passing fleeting memories. I just wish he gave himself some time. I told him to wait before dating again, and he didn't listen. He got mad when I dated someone 3 months after we split.. and this was within weeks! It's just weird how he thinks we can be friends while he is seeing someone new. He really doesn't understand my feelings. And just tells me to 'get over it'.. being with someone that long doesn't take a blink of an eye. Unless you're him apparently..

I started seeing someone, but I made it a point to let him know it can't be anythign serious, and he agrees for it to be the same way. I know I'm not ready to be in a relationship and fall in love again, because I want to be healthy. I feel like he rushed into this and thinks it is love because he has 'known her' for so long. Just a quick question.. you can know someone, but really knowing them.. isn't that different? If that's the case, he knew her for a few short days. Haha IDK he just grosses me out with her because she looks like a child, probably 90 pounds and wears no makeup etc.. I'm a curvy woman, and he always said stick girls gross him out, so it's weird. Everything he said he didn't like, he now does. You know what I mean? As I type this out I'm realizing how sad an individual he is for thinking he knows who he is.. when in all actuality, he changed overnight.. so yeah.

I guess I don't know what my actual question is.. besides how he can move on so quickly after this long relationship as lovers, and even as best friends.

And I don't know how the girl doesn't feel like doing this. Oh wait, it's because she wanted him since she was like 13. (she's still a teenager mind you, my ex and myself we are 24).. I don't think I ever want to be back with him since he is not himself and gross. I just need some sense of things..

so yeah... thoughts?

[liz28]

Your thinking about your ex so much because your focusing too much time on him. Stop stressing yourself over who is seeing because it is none of your business and he is their problem now.

Be happy you got this cheating control freak out of your life( even if it is a day too late). Your free to find a suitable mate for yourself now that will treat you like you deserve to be treated. No sense in trying to figure out why your ex did what he did because you won't be able to. He is your ex now and time for you to live for the future instaed of the past.

Whenever thoughts of him creep into your mind instead think of the bad and think of something else. Forgive and let go of the wrong he done to you instead of holding on it because it is your fault to for staying with this guy when you knew he was no good. I guess you thought he would change but as you see a leaopard doesn't change it spots.

Time to completely let go and move on.