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deb167 · Aug 11, 2009, 09:14 AM

My husband wanted a dog although I told him I didn't want one, I like them when other people have them, but I hate how they smell (it makes me sick) and they make a mess. We had a pitbull even though I told him I didn't want a dog but he said he promised he would take care of it and I didn't believe him I was tired of him making me feel bad and let him get the dog. In the end we gave it away because he didn't take care of it and he is in the military so when he was gone the responsibility fell on me, to clean up after him (my husband never house broke him) so every morning I woke up and went downstairs and had to clean up urine and feces. It was disgusting, id had enough! So we gave the god away, that same week he says he wants another dog, I am thinking that he is just plain stupid, it makes me so mad, he is gone for a whole month every other month and I am responsible for taking care of the dog, it's a little dog and it needs attention and as much as I wish I liked dogs enough to take good care of him I can't bring myself to I just feel sick. I don't know what to do anymore, he knows how much I dislike dogs if I am responsible for caring for them and he still wants to keep them even though he doesn't train them, doesn't bathe them, doesn't play with them or walk them, it doesn't make any sense to me. He has been gone for a little over a week and I can't stand it. We even went to counseling and the counselor said that I should accept it and try to help out, I think that's so stupid. No one should have to take care care of an animal they don't even want, especially one that disgusts them, it makes everyday life so unpleasant and you can't even relax in your own home. I don't look forward to coming home anymore, because the dog and the stench is there. I think about leaving my husband over it, he doesn't care about my feelings and he knows how strongly I feel about it. Maybe I will

Ren6 · Aug 11, 2009, 10:08 AM

The two of you need a chat with a marriage counselor. He is selfish and wrong to insist upon bringing into the house an animal that you hate, and get stuck tending to. Perhaps a third party can convince him that he's being an idiot, and this is serious... to the point that you may leave. Good luck...

deb167 · Aug 11, 2009, 10:27 AM

Originally Posted by Ren6

The two of you need a chat with a marriage counselor. He is selfish and wrong to insist upon bringing into the house an animal that you hate, and get stuck tending to. Perhaps a third party can convince him that he's being an idiot, and this is serious....to the point that you may leave. Good luck...

We already went to counseling and the therapist said that since we have the dog I should take care of it now! I don't see why I should take care of a dog I never wanted, but since she said that he now says that I'm wrong and that even the counselor said that I should take care of it

Alty · Aug 11, 2009, 10:32 AM

I feel so sorry for this poor dog. He didn't ask to be in your home, in your life but he's the one paying the price.

I'm sure the little guy knows that you despise him.

I wonder why you don't train the dog, don't take him for walks. There would be less to clean up if he was trained. Instead of complaining about it, why not do something about it?

You might find that by caring for this poor animal you may actually start to form a bond with him. Heck, maybe even more of a bond then you have with your husband, which obviously isn't much of a bond at all.

You made choices, so did your husband, the dog didn't have a choice. Try to remember that this is a living, breathing, feeling creature that doesn't deserve what he's getting.

Good luck.

deb167 · Aug 11, 2009, 10:37 AM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

I feel so sorry for this poor dog. He didn't ask to be in your home, in your life but he's the one paying the price.

I'm sure the little guy knows that you despise him.

I wonder why you don't train the dog, don't take him for walks. There would be less to clean up if he was trained. Instead of complaining about it, why not do something about it?

You might find that by caring for this poor animal you may actually start to form a bond with him. Heck, maybe even more of a bond then you have with your husband, which obviously isn't much of a bond at all.

You made choices, so did your husband, the dog didn't have a choice. Try to remember that this is a living, breathing, feeling creature that doesn't deserve what he's getting.

Good luck.

Well I don't take him for walks or love him because I don't want a dog, I shouldn't have to take care of an animal I never wanted. I agree that the dog shouldn't have to suffer and I would be perfectly happy to give him to someone who loves dogs, I am not the one that put him in my home. My husband wanted the dog and doesn't take care of him. I don't know why people like you insist on blaming it on people who are caught in the middle like me, I didn't ask fot his.. I have a cat that I take care of that I love and I am a student and have responsibilities of my own. I didn't make the choice to get a dog , get it straight,

crisluvsu731 · Aug 11, 2009, 10:43 AM

Well, if he wants to have a dog and insists on keeping it there while he is gone for you to look after, maybe he should hire a nanny or a dog watcher/walker/ and trainer. Let him pay for it and not let it be your problem. Sorry that you are going through that, good luck. Hope I helped.

Alty · Aug 11, 2009, 10:46 AM

Originally Posted by deb167

Well I don't take him for walks or love him because i don't want a dog, I shouldn't have to take care of an animal I never wanted. I agree that the dog shouldn't have to suffer and I would be perfectly happy to give him to someone who loves dogs, I am not the one that put him in my home. My husband wanted the dog and doesn't take care of him. I don't know why people like you insist on blaming it on people who are caught in the middle like me, I didn't ask fot his.. I have a cat that I take care of that I love and I am a student and have responsiblities of my own. I didn't make the choice to get a dog , get it straight,.

You didn't chose this, but you are stuck with it. It's not the dogs fault that you didn't properly communicate with your husband, that you agreed to the first dog you didn't want and didn't talk to him about the second dog you didn't want.

You say that your husband is gone a lot, so why not find a new home for this poor dog, a place that will take care of his needs.

As for you being caught in the middle, I don't think so. You had choices, you didn't make them. The only one caught in the middle is the dog.

asking · Aug 11, 2009, 10:48 AM

Your husband is like a child, so irresponsible and trying to shift a burden on you that he knows you reject. Tell him if he doesn't take over care of the dog reliably and consistently, you will take the dog back where it came from for the good of the dog. It needs a loving home.

I agree with Alty that it is not the dog's fault and I feel for two poor dogs caught in this unacceptable situation. But it also not your fault either. You absolutely must say no to this; it is not in your interest or the dog's. Nobody would force a child on you and this is no different.

Edit:
P.S. I think the husband is not good husband material if he really ignores something as basic as this. He's not considering you or the dog, but is being purely selfish. I think you should get rid of both husband and dog.

deb167 · Aug 11, 2009, 10:49 AM

Originally Posted by crisluvsu731

Well, if he wants to have a dog and insists on keeping it there while he is gone for you to look after, maybe he should hire a nanny or a dog watcher/walker/ and trainer. Let him pay for it and not let it be your problem. Sorry that you are going through that, good luck. Hope I helped.

If he actually house trained the dog and found someone to take care of the dog the 9 months out of the year that he is gone and kept the dog clean when it is in the house I would be able to deal with it. But this, waking up and cleaning up feces and urine, smelling the stench of a dirty dog in my house is not my idea of a good start. I tried crate training, I tried pad training, I tried isolating him to a part of the house, I tried feeding him only in the morning, but I can't not give him water and when he's in the house he goes and eats out of the cat bowl and then does his business on the floor early in the morning before I wake up. Having a dog, having to train him makes it so I have to move my schedule around and work around the dog, its not fair to me and I shouldn't have to do it.

deb167 · Aug 11, 2009, 10:53 AM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

You didn't chose this, but you are stuck with it. It's not the dogs fault that you didn't properly communicate with your husband, that you agreed to the first dog you didn't want and didn't talk to him about the second dog you didn't want.

You say that your husband is gone a lot, so why not find a new home for this poor dog, a place that will take care of his needs.

As for you being caught in the middle, I don't think so. You had choices, you didn't make them. The only one caught in the middle is the dog.

I told him I didn't want it, he knows I don't like dogs and he said he would train it. The only mistake I made was believing he would follow through. It wouldn't be as bad if he did train it and pay attention to it, then he didn't tell me he would be gone every other month this year and next until he deploys. Perhaps your right though, I should have been more firm and just said no, no questions about it, and not let him guilt me into it.

crisluvsu731 · Aug 11, 2009, 10:54 AM

Well, I agree with the others saying that the dog needs a loving home. You need to tell him if you are serious about leaving, that it's you or the dog. It isn't fair to either of you (the dog and you) to have to go through this. Are there any other pets that you wouldn't mind having? Maybe you could come up with a compromise.

Jake2008 · Aug 11, 2009, 10:56 AM

I agree, there should be no dog in that house.

If you had agreed to a dog, then you have a responsibility for him, and obviously after the first experience with the pit bull, you got stuck with all the responsibility, and that wasn't something you were prepared to deal with, or wanted to deal with. You did the right thing in my opinion, in giving him away to a good home.

Dogs are an investment. Of time, money, commitment. It is a lot of work to train a dog, and keep up with the work of cleaning up after him. Not to mention vet bills. It is really unfair to introduce a second dog into the home, when clearly the responsibility would fall on you. I would be resentful too.

I would be inclined to kennel the dog at a good facility for the month he is gone. It would be better for the dog, and better for you.

I also think that there is a bigger problem here than the dog. What if your husband decided to let a fellow soldier stay in your home every other month, and didn't bother to tell you. You have to buy (more) food, prepare a room for him, pick up after him, vacuum more, wash more, plan more etc. Your house is not the same with an unwanted guest, whether it be a dog or a human.

He needs to listen to you, and you need to get through to him how serious you are. Have him sign a promise to find a good home for the new dog, and promise not to get another dog.

If you can't be trusting of your husband to be a little more considerate, and you cannot enjoy the sanctity of your own home, ask him what alternatives are there to this impasse.

deb167 · Aug 11, 2009, 11:04 AM

Originally Posted by crisluvsu731

Well, I agree with the others saying that the dog needs a loving home. You need to tell him if you are serious about leaving, that it's you or the dog. It isn't fair to either of you (the dog and you) to have to go through this. Are there any other pets that you wouldn't mind having? Maybe you could come up with a compromise.

I would be up for him getting just about any other pet, dogs are hard to take care of, the need attention, affection, walks, playtime and consistent training, none of which my husband is willing to provide even when he is here. If he wanted snakes or other reptiles, fish, or birds or someone like that that is easier to care and doesn't need the extensive training I could deal with that I might even enjoy it. I have a cat and he is so easy to care for, he has his litter box and he is fixed.

crisluvsu731 · Aug 11, 2009, 11:12 AM

Have you told him this?

asking · Aug 11, 2009, 11:15 AM

Another kind of pet would be easier, but I suspect this guy would find a way to make it a hassle.

This problem runs deeper than the specific pet. Jake is right. This is about a lack of mutual respect between you and your husband. Using an innocent third party (the dog) to fight out power battles isn't a good sign. The good news is that no children are involved.

I take it your husband doesn't consider the cat a proper pet or it's not "his" pet? Something like that?

I am biased. My ex husband tried for years to get me to get a dog and take care of it and I just said no. I knew he would not train it, feed it, take it to the vet, or walk it, except when he suddenly got the urge. I already had two kids and did not want another responsibility. I like dogs, I just don't want one. Nobody should have to defend that position.

deb167 · Aug 11, 2009, 11:15 AM

Originally Posted by crisluvsu731

Have you told him this?

Yes, I have.

deb167 · Aug 11, 2009, 11:19 AM

Originally Posted by crisluvsu731

Have you told him this?

We've talked about getting snakes and a fish tank. I think maybe Biology Expert is right, it could be a power play. And yes, he says that the cat is mine, the difference is that I clean up my cats litter box and got him fixed and feed him myself as well as spend quality time with him.

Alty · Aug 11, 2009, 11:21 AM

Originally Posted by asking

Another kind of pet would be easier, but I suspect this guy would find a way to make it a hassle.

This problem runs deeper than the specific pet. Jake is right. This is about a lack of mutual respect between you and your husband. Using an innocent third party (the dog) to fight out power battles isn't a good sign. The good news is that no children are involved.

I take it your husband doesn't consider the cat a proper pet or it's not "his" pet? Something like that?

I am biased. My ex husband tried for years to get me to get a dog and take care of it and I just said no. I knew he would not train it, feed it, take it to the vet, or walk it, except when he suddenly got the urge. I already had two kids and did not want another responsibility. I like dogs, I just don't want one. Nobody should have to defend that position.

Had to spread the rep, I agree.

It's not fair to the OP that she should have to deal with an unwanted pet. It's also not fair to the pet. The only one that seems to be getting what he wants, without doing any work, is the husband.

If it was me, I would have walked out as soon as he brought the dog home, simply because he forced you to accept something you clearly said you didn't want.

Personally, I'd find a new home for the dog, I wouldn't even ask him about it, after all, he didn't listen to you when you said no, why should you listen to him? I know, I know passive aggressive, not necessarily a good idea, but that's what I would do.

I do feel sorry for the dog, because it's not the dogs fault, but I do feel for the OP as well.

It's time to put things right, and that means finding a loving home for the dog and putting your foot down with your husband.

talaniman · Aug 11, 2009, 11:30 AM

You shouldn't have to put up with anything you don't want to in your own house. Find the dog a good home and tell your husband you'll find one for him if he doesn't like it.

crisluvsu731 · Aug 11, 2009, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by deb167

we've talked about getting snakes and a fish tank. I think maybe Biology Expert is right, it could be a power play. and yes, he says that the cat is mine, the difference is that I clean up my cats litter box and got him fixed and feed him myself as well as spend quality time with him.

You having a cat has nothing to do with it. Does he like the cat? Did he want the cat when you got it? It could very well be a power play. You both have to compromise and communicate, there is no relationship with out those 2 important things.