[Silver Lining]

Hi,

I donno where to start,,
I'v been married for almost 3 years now, but in love for 4+ years,, I have never felt depressed until now,,
We lost our baby a few months bac and since then m finding it tough to concentrate on anything,, I feel bad when I c a baby, even when its TV,, hubby asks me not to feel bad and that's it,, I tell him it hurts but all he can say is, "try to control ur emotions",, hez not good with words, I know that and hence I don expect anything in this matter,,
The prob is controlling my emotions,, how do I do it..
I am a housewife,, my hubby works in IT... u know how it is,, too much work load,, he brings his work home... he sometimes works late till 1-2 in the night,, ever since recession hit,, his work load has decreased,, he is actually refusing to work extra which he used to do before... now he has a lotta free time which he spends with the IDIOT box or online,,
When he used to work late, I'd sit with him and read a book, to feel him next to me,, I never felt left out or depressed,, now that hez free, I expect to spend some nice time together,, I want to have family time,, I gave him so many ideas as to how we can spend time together

*rent a movie
*go for a walk
*cook something together
*play games
*talk about something
*plan for the weekend
*go meet frens
*window shopping/shopping (I know men hate it, but... )

We used to go out a lot before,, movies, frens, relatives, picnics, window shopping, etc,, now, the only time we go out is if therez a function, or if we have an appointment with the doc,, now its only for a reason, else we'r at home and hez stuck to TV,, specially CRICKET n other sports,,
Another reason I feel hust is because when hez free and goes online, he spends some time chatting to this gal I HATE... I have told him several times that I don like her but he never listens to me (NO, hez not having an affair,, I know him, hez not a person who cheats),, he says she is his bes fren and so he chats with her, he gives an example about my bes fren who turns out to be a very handsome guy,,
The gal he chats with always takes advantage:mad: of my hubby,, she never bothers to be in touch until therez some work to be done and she needs help,, I'v tried telling him this but he never listens, we'v had several fights because of her,, :(

I donno what my problem is, all I know is m feeling depressed and I need help,, don suggest counseling,,

Also, I don have frens in this neighborhood,, all speak a diff language and they have a community in which they do nnot involve others (B*****s,, really),, and ha,, no issues in our sex life,,

[jmjoseph]

GOD bless you on the loss you've experienced, I know it's got to be tough. I'm not an expert , just a guy who's got an opinion. But I think you should tell your husband what you're really feeling. Especially concerning the "other woman", he may not be a cheater today, but those types of relationships turn into more really fast. You should talk to someone , like maybe a priest or pastor, or even some type of grief counselor. Good luck and I'll be praying for you. In the meanwhile I think you should get a big ol clumsy puppy. If that doesn't put a smile on you face, nothing will.

[Silver Lining]

GOD bless you on the loss you've experienced, I know it's got to be tough. I'm not an expert , just a guy who's got an opinion. But I think you should tell your husband what you're really feeling. Especially concerning the "other woman", he may not be a cheater today, but those types of relationships turn into more really fast. You should talk to someone , like maybe a priest or pastor, or even some type of grief counselor. Good luck and I'll be praying for you. In the meanwhile I think you should get a big ol clumsy puppy. If that doesn't put a smile on you face, nothing will.

Thank you Joseph,,

Well, I'd love to get a pup but I stay in an apartment and pets are not allowed here,, :(

M 100% sure the "other woman" won't break us up,, I know my hubby,, he is not the kind who will cheat a person, specially a woman,, and also, another fren of his, who was very close to us both knows what's happening with me and she is now helping me by getting close to my hubby,, I trust her with my life,, :)

As a person, my hubby is very nice,, he is actually the kind of person every woman dreams of,, caring, romantic, intelligent, handsome, dedicated, etc, but when it comes to leisure time, he'z hooked to TV,, hez very lazy too,,
I have tried telling him how I feel,, he asks me what he can do to help,, any idea I give doesn't suit him,, he hates cooking, so hez not ready to help in the kitchen,, as for going out for a movie,, due to some fight with multiplex and producers, no good movie is being released here since past 2-3 months,, shopping is out, it rains every evening now, so walking is out too, he doesn't want to miss the cricket season, so renting a movie is no good,,

I know therez no solution to this,, I somehow got to get him to start a hobby or something,, I donno how,, he never listens when therez cricket,, I even cut the cable,, he called the cable guy and got it repaired

[jmjoseph]

Silver, You say there's no solution, but there usually is some way to find a happy medium. I'm sometimes guilty of plopping my butt down in front of the TV AND the computer too. It's a hard habit to break. Keep looking, there's usually some kind of outdooor recreation that you both can enjoy. Have you ever heard of disc golf? It's Frisbee golf. It's for the whole family. How about fishing? My wife and I take our two boys ( ages 4 & 7 ) fishing a lot. I think that's why my wife married me. Her grandfather took her fishing when she was young. I know about the apartment thing too, and pets. Don't give up though, if he's a great guy like you say he'll be willing to work through this with you. Keep trying on the family planning. I'll pray for you both. My wife and I tried to have kids for 4 years before we were blessed with our first son. I was 39 when he was born too. So don't fall into the depression abyss. Stay busy, if you're not working, try volunteering at the local public school's kindergarten. The practice is great and it'll fill your heart. GOD bless you and good luck.

[Silver Lining]

Hey Joseph,
Long time,, hope your fine, well,, m pregnant... in ma 2nd trimester now,, things have changed a little around here. Though hubby brings work home, he listens to me. He helps around in the kitchen now that I feel a lot tired.
We shifted to my bro's apt. if my hubby is too busy, I spend time with my bro. fortunately, cricket season is over for the time being.
Your idea of fishing would work out great but we are veggies,, as for volunteering in schools, kind of out-of-reach. Schools lock their gates during school hours due to increased kidnapping.
Anyway, hubby and I started playing small games like cards, snake and ladder, chess etc before going to bed. This makes me happy and gets him out of work tension. I make sure I stay up as long as hez up and give him company. I guess this changed him and he started giving me some attention too.
Everything's going good with hubby and me. As for the "Other Woman",, I told my hubby how much I hate her and how it hurts me that we fight because of her. I donno if he understands but fortunately for me, I don c her online now-a-days and since she never calls, no issues there. I also made sure that my hubby never calls back to any missed calls unless its from our hometown.
Joseph, you have been a great help. Its at such times that you need someone to listen to and you were there for me. Thank you,,