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fornow · Aug 9, 2009, 06:09 AM

I broke up with my ex in may. We lived abroad and he took another job in another country, where I can't work. He asked me to join him, but when I got there he was cold and seemed uninterested in finding an apartment together as we had agreed.
We had split up many times before due to his quick temper over trivial stuff. But he had always managed to talk me round, saying I was the love of his life. We were together 3 years.
I had to return to my home country after being away quite a few years. I am trying to rebuild my life but have no support net work as my nearest relatives are quite dysfunctional and the main reason why I left in the first place.
My ex contacted me a few weeks into our split to tell me he had met someone else?
He said the reason for his call was to check I was OK, but that he did not want me back?(he was contacting me and I never mentioned getting back)
I was hurt he had moved on so quickly but felt my insticts had been right and he had been nurturing a new relationship while I was out there.
He has contiued to text me about every 3 or 4 weeks, I have been short and polite or sometimes just ignoring his text.
Over the past few days he has called me and texted me saying he still cares for me??
We arranged a time to speak and he says he would like contact about once a week.
I have said if he is in a relationship then no, I have asked him if he is happy he is vague, but implies that he is not.
I said I would change my number to release us both. He says please don't and he won't contact me again. But he has said this before.
I am so lonely,I have some night classes organised for next month and a job to start next week.
But I hardley speak to anyone unless I go out to shop or for coffee, then its only shop assittants.
What does he want , is he using me to prop him up after rows with new girlfriend due to his anger? He used to do that with an ex when I was dating him.
How do I deal with this and stay strong? I was doing so well.

sully123 · Aug 9, 2009, 06:34 AM

Just continue to work on you, going to school and your new job. Sounds too me he has some issues to resolve. He broke up and now he wants you back. I would stay strong and focus just on you. Go to places to meet new people and just move on. Sounds like your moving in the right direction.

amicon · Aug 9, 2009, 07:05 AM

I agree one hundred percent.dont let him mess you around again.stay strong.

fornow · Aug 9, 2009, 10:39 AM

Originally Posted by sully123

Just continue to work on you, going to school and your new job. Sounds too me he has some issues to resolve. He broke up and now he wants you back. I would stay strong and focus just on you. Go to places to meet new people and just move on. Sounds like your moving in the right direction.

Thanks... he has me in a spin, especially as he says he still cares - each day I have to climb an emotional hill - I wake up and my first feeling is omg - I am so fed up - then I have to pull myself together and get on with it - he makes it agony by leaving me a door open slightly ajar, - should I change my number - to put a final nail in coffin or will I regret later on when maybe I would feel OK to be friends..?

fornow · Aug 9, 2009, 10:41 AM

Originally Posted by amicon

i agree one hundred percent.dont let him mess you around again.stay strong.

Thanks for your support, so you agree he is playing with me?

amicon · Aug 9, 2009, 11:12 AM

He is.change your number and get your life back together.you don't need an emotional incompetent in your life.

talaniman · Aug 9, 2009, 11:19 AM

Do whatever it takes to make him disappear from your life. In other words do NO CONTACT, until he gets it, and leaves you alone. Yes ignore his call, change your number, if you have to. He keeps the door open for himself, close it, for YOURSELF!

sully123 · Aug 9, 2009, 11:32 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Do whatever it takes to make him disappear from your life. In other words do NO CONTACT, until he gets it, and leaves you alone. Yes ignore his call, change your number, if you have to. He keeps the door open for himself, close it, for YOURSELF!

Well said, Tal.

fornow · Aug 9, 2009, 11:34 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Do whatever it takes to make him disappear from your life. In other words do NO CONTACT, until he gets it, and leaves you alone. Yes ignore his call, change your number, if you have to. He keeps the door open for himself, close it, for YOURSELF!

I know you are right, it's the advice I would give a friend... I have to bite the bullet... I have to... thank you.
I think about getting some counselling but fear it will just make me focus on him when I should erase him... Yes that's it ERASE HIM. It can't be worse than this... he must be loving it.

amicon · Aug 9, 2009, 11:46 AM

In therapy you ll be focusing on you and also why you got involved with someone like him.it ll help you find out who YOU are. Good luck.

fornow · Aug 10, 2009, 04:59 PM

Originally Posted by amicon

in therapy you ll be focusing on you and also why you got involved with someone like him.it ll help you find out who YOU are. Good luck.

Thanks amicon, will certainly consider it... if things don't get better soon...