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talaniman · Jul 26, 2009, 05:12 AM

Your feelings are human, and you hurt. That's so normal. Don't beat yourself up, because its not your fault her feelings changed. But I know it sucks for now, but as you come to accept this change in your life, you will see it gets better. It just takes time to cope with those darn feelings, but you will.

Darksubaru · Jul 26, 2009, 09:04 AM

My problem is, I don't know how to convince myself that I was not happy in the relationship and that I am better off without her.

I try not to think about the times we had together and try to use all the stuff I did for her as a reason since she was so stupid to throw it all away... cause I did A lot for her, like... seriously... a ton. And she turned around and threw it away in the drop of a hat..

So, why can't I use that a reason enough to make this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach go away??

talaniman · Jul 26, 2009, 09:16 AM

That's not how the healing process works. It starts with accepting that her feelings have changed, and you making the adjustment to be okay with yourself without her in your life. It takes both patience and a plan of action, as this is a process where there is no quick fix.

Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, or read my signature. There is a link to those stickies.

I did A lot for her, like... seriously... a ton. And she turned around and threw it away in the drop of a hat..

That's sounds like some good motivation to me, for you to move forward, and not look back.

vanheart · Jul 26, 2009, 11:54 AM

I know how you feel.
I gave & gave until I gave myself away.

Then, after 5ys, I get dumped over the phone because "she wants to be single"

The only thing you need to convince yourself is that this is now over.
Go NC immediately, and never turn back. Its for your own good.

It isn't easy, its still hard for me after 2mo. But strength & time are what's on your side now. Give to yourself for a change.

Darksubaru · Aug 10, 2009, 11:38 AM

Well, it has been a month and a half to 2 months. I know I keep going on about this, but new stuff keeps developing and I feel terrible every time... and I hate it. Basically, I still live with my mom and my mom made an agreement with her mom that a couple of their dogs would come to our house to be watched (this was made before we broke up, but was still carried out after we broke up). So, they were here for a few weeks and one of them was having some problems, which were similar to problems he had in the past. So, when they got the dogs back, the next day (today), she called me and asked me about him and if anything happened while he was here. We talked about it a bit, but I of course, I didn't want to talk to her, or at the very least, talk about him... so I went brought us up... asking about the other guy, telling her what I did, how she lied (which she said she did not cause he apparently came in AFTER me), etc. She really did not say much, but she did say she thinks about me, about how in 3 days it would be 5 years, but she doesn't want that right now and that she would not be happy. I asked her how this could happen, how she could go with someone so easily after she broke it off with me and she said she was devastated after she broke up with me... she ended the conversation by saying she loves me, she will always love me, she will be here for me, etc...

There were a few other things said, but I honestly don't feel like typing... it just kills me to think that this happened and that I was so easily cast aside. Like, I was trying to force her to see how good I was, when I know she has to see it for herself... I just don't understand how she can't...

How do I make myself understand that I really am better off without her? How do I actually feel that way? I hate feeling like this, and I hate feeling like the only way I will feel better is if that void is replaced by someone else...

I'm sorry for bothering you all with this... and I am sorry for carrying on... I just can't deal with how I feel

vanheart · Aug 10, 2009, 11:53 AM

I know how you feel. For me, the rejection is the hardest thing to let go.

This is why having any contact with her will hurt you more. Don't watch her dogs and communicate to your mom that you need NC to heal. Cut the hurtful drama, it will only prolong things.

If she truly loved you, then she wouldn't have done this.
No one needs people like that who are capable of such deceit.

Let her live with her decision and concentrate on yourself.

I wanted to let go of this and the pain so badly, I became so incredibly frustrated. But now, I tell myself, not to rush things, Ive gone this far, let time and strength guide me to let go.

Chuff said here "Something good will come of this" Believe that...

jmw0713 · Aug 10, 2009, 12:32 PM

Having contact with her will raise all of the memories again. Look at this last conversation you had with her as closure. Now you can really devote your energy to letting go and moving on.

It will take a while for your memories of her and this whole thing to fade enough to where you actually don't care. It WILL happen. You just need to give yourself more time.

That day coming up is the day that you start a new chapter in your life, not relive old painful memories. Get out and do something good for yourself that day!