[weathrzthestorm]

I'm so frustrated! My boyfriend (33) and I (30) have been together 5 years, living together the last 4. We have always had amazing sex.. from sweet and tender to playfully-rough role-playing, we've experimented a lot (even had a foursome once). The last year and a half things have changed. I think what it is called is premature ejaculation, but I'm not a doctor. Intercourse used to last 8-20 minutes, now it lasts a minute or less because he cums too quickly.

A few months after this began happening, he was diagnosed with testicular cancer and had one testicle removed & underwent 6 weeks of radiation. We resumed sex a few weeks after surgery, with the same problem as before. This was a year ago.

I am a highly sexual person. I enjoy foreplay well enough, but intercourse is the most important part to me. I like hard, fast sex until I climax. When he cums too quickly, he is embarrassed and doesn't want to try again. I think he is disappointed in himself because he knows what I like and can't give it to me. I feel bad for him when this happens and I am never mean about it. He will say "i need to see a doctor and get this problem fixed" but the last two urologist appointments he "forgot" to bring it up.

I feel like I am at my sexual peak, and his desire is steadily dropping. We have sex 1 or 2 times a month, usually if he has been drinking (he lasts a little longer then). He will turn me down 5 or 6 times in a row and then on a whim try to initiate sex, and I am so hurt about being shut down so many times that half the time I decline (I do know that is immature, but it really does hurt my feelings terribly when he says no over and over).

This ordeal is driving me to insecurity, which is not like me (worried that he is not attracted to me anymore, worried that he is seeing someone else, embarrassed that I am so sex-crazed, concerned when he watches porn online, worried that he wishes he was with one of his many partners from his past). What am I supposed to think? How am I supposed to feel when I go out and get hit on and complimented and then come home and get rejected?

I have tried to be patient and understanding for over a year, but when is enough enough?? They say that if the sex is good in a relationship, nothing else can be bad. Our relationship was never perfect, and now that the sex is dying all the other problems we have are becoming intolerable. Help!

[sweet1028]

Very occasionally, premature ejaculation results from a physical condition such as a urinary tract or prostate infection. Recent research suggests that some men may have a physiological predisposition in the nervous system to ejaculate quickly. But for most men, ejaculation will often be quicker in times of stress or ill health.

- Mens Health Only: Information and Resources for male Premature Ejaculation

It could be that he is stressed because he wasn't making you happy before he was diagnosed with cancer, and now he still feels that same pressure and stress from before treatment.

Try different positions during sex. That way he is stopping and starting which will make him last longer and you will be happy sexually once again.

Sex should not be for resolving your problems. You said that now that the sex is dying the other problems are intolerable; you should work out your problems before sex. Your mind and your body should be into sex, not just your bodies.

You need to sit down and talk, because even though sex might be taking all your problems away, you haven't considered if he has all those problems going through his head. He may be even thinking that sex is all he has with you, and without it there is no relationship.

Sex will be better once you resolve your problems in the relationship.

[Catsmine]

Sweet1028 answered most of your question quite well. I only have one suggestion: make his next Doctor's appointment for him and mention the topic. With cancer it's entirely possible he did forget, he's worried about dying.