[kylesantos17]

Hey my name is Kyle and I'm 17.
My mother died when I was 4 and I don't remember anything about her only from photos.
She was only 20 when she died and my dad, who was 21 at the time, was left alone to bring me up alone.
I admit his struggles were made even worse by me.
I do understand how much he does for me but I know he tries too hard and its ruining our realitionship.
He does nothing but work and is constently to tired or pissed off with me to tell me about anything and its seriously annoying.
He told me last week he's engaged to a woman I never even knew existed, I mean I never even knew he was dating anyone.
We won't talk to each other because of a fight we had after he told me and he removed everything in my room except my bed because I was brought home by the police 3 nights ago.
I want to talk to him but I don't no what to say and I'm sure he'll just ignore me.
If anyone has any advise please write back.
Thanks for your time. Kyle.

[Justwantfair]

Why were you brought home by the police?
All we can do is recommend approaching him.
He is probably hurt and upset about whatever antics lead to the police bringing you home and your fights.
Seventeen is a difficult age, raising a seventeen year old is a difficult time.
Kudos to your dad for always being there.
Now it's time to suck it up, be the adult (your dad will appreciate that) and approach him and let him know that you are interested in finding out about this mystery woman.

[kylesantos17]

I was drunk and I got in a fight.
Well I'm starting to question his really being here, he thinks I just go out of my way to annoy him so he just works more and ignores me until he is ready to forgive me.
Correct me if this method is known to work but its stupid.
In all honesty I don't really want to know her.
She's can't just waltz in here and pretend she's my mother and he should allow her too.
Sorry if this sounds abusive I don't mean to rant I'm just venting.

[Justwantfair]

Your feelings are perfectly normal.
I doubt that she would want to replace your mother, just as much as you would resent her if she did.
Your relationship with your dad seems to have been estranged previous to recently.
Maybe it's not so much working all the time as he is trying to have a life of his own after being a single father for such a long time.
It is OK to be angry and feel free to vent in here all you want.

[jmjoseph]

He's been alone for 13 years ? Give the guy a break. I know you don't know her, and that may seem strange, but it's not YOUR fiancé. I want to know too, what you did to warrant the police ride. Why are you getting in trouble? Are you rebelling? Talk to your dad about it. Don't ruin your future by getting a police record. I wish you luck, but you should seriously think about your choices.

[kylesantos17]

I know he's been single for 13 years but why couldn't he tell me he was dating?
Im always in trouble its not just now.
I tried talking to him last night but he just doesn't listen.

[artlady]

I was drunk and I got in a fight.
Well i'm starting to question his really being here, he thinks i just go out of my way to annoy him so he just works more and ignores me until he is ready to forgive me.
Correct me if this method is known to work but its stupid.
In all honesty I don't really wanna know her.
Shes can't just waltz in here and pretend shes my mother and he should allow her too.
Sorry if this sounds abusive i don't mean to rant i'm just venting.

You are assuming way too much.I highly doubt that she will be trying to mother you being that you are an adult.
Your relationship with your father needs work and that means you have to pull some of the weight as well and accept responsibility for your lack of communication and the problem that you just recently had.
Talk to him.
Tell him you are sorry for the way the relationship has been and that you want to improve it.
I also think your father was amiss in not telling you that he is getting married.
You sound very out of touch with each others lives.
The only way that is going to change is if you both can agree to work more on spending time together and getting to know each other and the new women in his life.
Be the bigger person and approach him first.

[talaniman]

I think you start with yourself, and get your own behavior in order, as I think your old enough to know things start with you and what you do for yourself. I'm sure your DAD will recognize a change for the better, and he will be a lot more open to you.

For sure it would stop the bad feelings, and fights, that will always result from bad behavior. Hey look, it can't be easy losing a wife, and mother, for either of you, but you have that in common, and can make yourself more approachable with a change in attitude, and behavior.

That helps you in the long run too, as you may better understand of why you didn't know he was dating. Its probably to protect you.

Instead of being angry, because he isn't around for you, take some responsibility for your 17 year old self, and your actions, and see that over time, he may slow down some, and lighten up, and let you in his world. You may be surprised at what's really on his mind, but it will take a lot of work, and effort, on your part, and it will be worth it.

You don't have to say anything to him now, but he will see the results of your efforts, and you can then have something to build a relationship with your DAD on, more solid than the bad behavior, and anger your working with now, and as you see, that ain't working, and will only make you angrier, and even more frustrated, and you could end up in jail.

Have more care for yourself young man.

[Fr_Chuck]

First you deal with YOUR issues, a boy 17 that is being brought home by the police for drinking and fighting must have a lot of other issues. So you should be sorry for the way you behave and change.

Then you be glad he found someone, that he waited till you were grown and almost old enough to be out of the house

[Jake2008]

I think that your dad made a mistake by not telling you he was serious enough about a woman to marry her. That must have been a major, major shock.

He too, should have stepped up, and been honest, and prepared you better for this huge event in your life.

That you still haven't met her may have something to do with your dad's fear of how you will react to her.

As you've said, your behaviour hasn't been the greatest lately, and if the situation were reversed, and your dad was out drinking, fighting, and being brought home by the police, would you want to introduce him to your new girlfriend? I don't think so.

I would do two things. And, I think you already know what they are.

The first one is, clean up your act. Quit acting out your anger with your fists. You know better right? It's not okay to hit people when you are pi**ed off, regardless of how big a problem you think somebody else has created for you. No excuses. Grow up, behave like the young adult your father has raised you to be.

Next. Send your father an email. Tell him you regret what you've done, and you are really going to put an effort into stopping the stupid behaviour. You're not going to act out when you are angry, and that you realize all this anger is really all about fear. You are fearful of a new 'mom' in the house, you are fearful that he will no longer be the #1 in your life, and you are fearful of losing him.

Tell him that you promise to step up, meet this woman, and be cordial and polite to her so your dad does not have to worry about that. Offer to help with the wedding plans, do extra chores around the house to ease up on their pressures- cut the grass, do a few loads of laundry.

And think about this. Your dad loves this woman. He loves her, and she loves him. You straighten yourself out a little bit, and you'll have TWO people that love you, instead of one.