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skyeyes · Oct 30, 2006, 04:47 AM

I am apparently, one of those people whom allow themselves to be taken for granted. I recently decided at the age of 48, to make some changes is that area of my life. I was being used by my daughter-in-law for babysitting. I did it often and I mean often, and was still never enough. She since meeting my son has come between all relationships in his life, brother and him barely speak and his sisters avoid any contact. If, it weren't for the fact that I babysat we would not have been allowed to even get to know our own grandchildren. Her personality is such that she feels we are all usless and so are most people in the world. She is very critical of all family even her own parents. I have heard her described as spoiled, mean, hurtful, rude I could go on. Now as of recently I have called her and my son out on this terrible behavior. I have since then received via e-mail, letters saying things like we are all lame, and how I never really babysat enough and what a whiner I was, and for god sake they are your grandchildren. I must add that I took her shopping and bought all the clothes for the kids and her. She never hesitated to call at 8 a.m. to let me know that she would be needing me for the day. I took her out to eat because she said she was bored or going stir crazy. She didn't have a car so I drove her to the doctors and the kids. How do I get to see the grandchildren without getting caught up in the same patterns as before is my Question.:confused:

Krs · Oct 30, 2006, 04:53 AM

What does your son say about this?

Wildcat21 · Oct 30, 2006, 09:58 AM

Hmmmmmmmmm - I say GROW A SPINE - put this lady in her place. Tell her under no uncertain terms how you feel.

She can't keep your grandchildren away forever!

You especially tell your SON how you feel - to it's under no certain terms. Tell him how you really feel about your daughter in law.

How this - tel because how ungratreful she is - no more baby sitting for a while.

This lady uses an controls you - that ends TODAY!! Ok? No more baby sititng for a while - you go out and have fun.

She depends o nyou WAY TOO much. Show her how it is when you aren't there. See things change rapidly.

And when you get e-mails back like that - well - tell her to go...

Sentra · Oct 30, 2006, 10:10 AM

Stop fulfilling the needs of others and start fulfilling the needs of your own self.

Stop volunteering ANY of your services and let them know that there needs to be a set schedule if you are needed.

Simply, stop. How long has this been going on? Do they all live with you? Are you hiding your opinion because you THINK they will be kept away from you or have they vocalized any of these threats you are afraid of?

Wildcat21 · Oct 30, 2006, 10:12 AM

Yes - she usess you and takes you for granted. Once you stop offering yourself - watch the kiss azzing start.

You need to learn to be less available to these people.

talaniman · Nov 2, 2006, 09:53 PM

Stand up for yourself and let people know hey your f'ing with me. Back off. If you go off a few times they will get the message.

Sentra · Nov 10, 2006, 06:45 AM

Have things improved?

chuff · Nov 10, 2006, 10:15 AM

From the sounds of things it doesn't sound like your alone in your feelings so why not join together with your other children as a support system. I'm not saying go full on attack but rather just have a defense up for when she attacks.

Also you may want to point out to her that professional babysitters and daycare providers are paid very well plus money is provided for food and other supplies. Tell her since she is family you would be willing to not charge as much as licensed providers but would be willing to negotiate a fair price for the time you spend watching HER children. If she refuses to pay then give her a list of some daycare providers in your area and let her learn for herself how much that costs. Once she shops around she'll come crawling back ready to pay and show you some respect.

MicaM · Nov 10, 2006, 01:48 PM

I would not do one more thing for her.
Maybe you won't be so "lame" to her if
She is no longer able to use you.
You also have a right to file for
"Grandparents Rights" through your local family
Court if she stops allowing you to see them.

valinors_sorrow · Nov 10, 2006, 02:15 PM

I tend to see things a little differently in this situation and here it is: as long as you have a "need" to see your grandchildren, she and her kind will always have a way to "ransom" you into accepting the unacceptable. And you have and you are sick of it. I don't blame you. However, as difficult as this is to do, you need to remember these children belong to both her and your son. You are dependent on their collective good will to see them. If you want to see them on more acceptable terms, then offer those terms. But be aware that if they choose not to take the offer, then that is their choice. This is the hard truth you are up against. My sympathies for your sad situation.

I know only too well how screwed up things can be with a dysfunctional family member. My husband and I enacted a policy that I deal with mine and he deal with his because of how destructive some of them can be to us.