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semestermum · Aug 7, 2009, 05:23 AM

I wonder if there is anyone out there who can help my daughter and our family.My daughter is 23 years old and has had epilepsy for the last twelve tears.It is the type that only affrects her on waking. Since the age of eleven she has usually picked people for friends that we did not like,children that swore spat and stole and were to our minds generally not very well behaved/nice. We did our best to introduce her to other kids that did not do these type of things,to no avail.
As she got older things did not improve,she started stealing,got caught and then stopped.By fifteen she was mixing with all the disillusioned children at school,the smokers,the ones that cheeked the teachers,the ones that bunked off school. By 16 she was taking drugs,running off into the night and having screaming fits if we restrained her.If we grounded her she would climb out of windows to get away.Short of locking her to the floor w could not contain her. At this point she was taking her medication regularly because I gave it to her.She left school with few qualifications and no idea what to do.She did get jobs but never lasted well in them as she regularly had fits and could not get into work.We would ask if she had had her medication and she would lie and say yes when she had not.
In the last year it has got worse.She is always in the hospital after having fits,she disappears for up to a week and we don't know where she is,she has told us she is now a drug dealer.We have approached her doctor saying she is at risk but because she is deemed an adult they will not do anything to help until she asks.
I am so worried that she will kill herself,several time she has fitted in an awkward place and her airway has been blocked and I have managed to get it clear.
My husband and I are at are wits end,we just do not have any exdperience of dealong/helping or coping with behaviour like this. Should we kick her out,go on trying to help or what? Everything we suggest she says no to.
She is now not working,not looking after herself,goes out in dirty clothes,does not wash regularly. Her friends are mostly drinkers and people that don't work.
She id a heavy drinker and when she comes home is usually drunk if it is in the evening.
Any constructive help would be very gratefully received.
I would be very pleased also to hear from others who have experienced this type of problem and how they got through it.

JudyKayTee · Aug 7, 2009, 07:08 AM

When you say she is throwing fits do you mean she is seizuring or do you mean it as she was very angry and upset?

semestermum · Aug 7, 2009, 08:01 AM

I mean she is having seizures,either tonic clonic type or myoclonic jerking... The tonic clonic type often mean she is taken to hospital.

JudyKayTee · Aug 7, 2009, 08:04 AM

Wow - have you talked to a Physician about all of this?

My "motherly instinct" says tough love. You know, either shape up or get out.

My other side sees a person in a lot of emotional and physical pain, losing her way, trying to cope. I feel so bad for you and her father but I think you have to ask a Physician how to deal with this.

You would face a lot of self-searching, "what if" problems - what if you throw her out and something terrible happens to her. What if you throw her out and...

You know where I'm going.

I wish I had wise words but I really don't.

semestermum · Aug 7, 2009, 08:04 AM

I think it might have been confusing when I said she had screaming fits if we stopped her from going out... I meant in that particular instance she was really having a major tantrum.But she is epileptic...

semestermum · Aug 7, 2009, 08:06 AM

I have talked to doctor about this but am told that as she is an adult nothing can be done unless she asks for help

JudyKayTee · Aug 7, 2009, 08:07 AM

What does he say about you throwing her out? Have you asked? Does he think she can manage on her own?

semestermum · Aug 7, 2009, 08:07 AM

In some ways I would really want to throw her out but I feel she is very unhappy and I can't get her to accept any help which is a real dilemna.

semestermum · Aug 7, 2009, 08:08 AM

The doctor has said that is up to us whether or not we throw her out,she also says there are many professionals that can help her but only if my daughter asks for it.

JudyKayTee · Aug 7, 2009, 08:13 AM

I know - it's sort of a two headed sword. Hopefully someone else will come along, someone who can help you.

I can only wish you well.

zippit · Aug 7, 2009, 08:16 AM

Originally Posted by semestermum

she is deemed an adult they will not do anything to help
.

This is what you and your husband will have to except

You have done your best and she's going to have to hit

A bottom and COME TO YOU before any of your efforts

Take hold.

JudyKayTee · Aug 7, 2009, 08:21 AM

Originally Posted by zippit

this is what you and your husband will have to except you have done your best and shes going to have to hit a bottom and COME TO YOU before any of your efforts take hold.

But the question is how to do that - how to let her hit bottom without dire consequences.

(Why are your posts double spaced?)

semestermum · Aug 7, 2009, 08:21 AM

Thank you for your replies,I have to go on searching.. reading other posts about this type of problem I know I am not alone and one answer seems to be is to sit back and wait until she asks for help (hopefully),I just can't bear to think of her inadvertently killing herself whilst having a fit.. I would just miss her so much even though she iis being very difficult..

JudyKayTee · Aug 7, 2009, 08:22 AM

Absolutely and as you appear to very well understand if something would happen to her you would feel guilty for the rest of your life.

Does she talk to you about her problems? Is she ever receptive to advice?

semestermum · Aug 7, 2009, 08:25 AM

Sadly she will not take any advice at all and to a point my husband and I have stopped giving any.We have just told her we will not have her in the house if she comes back drunk but since she went of yesterday (we don't know where) we haven't seen the result of that.
She won't talk about her problems to us.