[genghiskhan]

I need some help/advice/strength to decide to break up relationship or tough it out!

I live in a strange foreign country with my foreign girlfriend. I miss my friends, family, earning potential and my old lifestyle in my home country which is very different to my current home.

My partner of 5 years is a fantastic hard working, dedicated, and honest and caring young lady (25) and some might say I would be crazy to let her go. I am almost 33.

The reason I cannot let her go is because of the above and because I know it would hurt her so much. Also I wonder if I would be making the best decision in the long run, if that I am just home sick!

I have known her for 5 years and we have been able to spend 3 of those together, in and out of each others country, which are virtually on the opposite sides of the world from each other.

I did ask her to marry me several years ago but the parents asked for a large dowry of which I had no wish of paying or could afford to pay. I don't even like the idea of marriage.

We "looked into" getting married when she was in my country (hence avoiding the dowry), but technically not able to under the visa she had.

Because of visa issues it is hard for us to be together. It is easier for me to come to work in her country than her to come live in mine.

I only have a couple of minor issues about her match with me but I know she will mature and it is up to me to change myself to fit around her. \

I know she loves me dearly. I do love her to, but sometimes I when I think about unconditional love, I should let her go, rather than selfishly hold on...

Does this make sense to anyone and can anyone help ease my troubled mind!! Thanks.

[amicon]

This sounds hard.which two countries are you from?are you sure you still love her?and yes sometimes we have to let go even if there's still love.

[artlady]

You have a difficult choice to make.
No one can do that for you.
Weigh the odds and decide what you know you can't happily live without.

[genghiskhan]

Ah well its always nice to have a little understanding.

I am English my lady is Thai. I have a lot of experience of south east asian culture as I have lived there in the past. Other relationships failed for no other reason than distance. After the last but one failed I said to myself never again but here I am again!

Do I still love her? Your talking to a man who had to look up the word "love" in a dictionary to see if I was in love!

How do I know if I am still in love, please tell me that amicon!

"What I can't happily live without", that's a good one I shall have to think about.

Thanks for the help brothers and sisters!

[amicon]

I personally know I'm not in love if I continuously feel I need to change something in a relationship.my guess is you love her but you rnot in love.

[talaniman]

I think your homesick, and must be in love to do what you have done to be with this female. Why not just visit home until you can return, or maybe get married in England. In America they generally let the wives in, don't you Brits do that too? I mean how much can this dowry be? Split it?

[genghiskhan]

I think your homesick, and must be in love to do what you have done to be with this female. Why not just visit home until you can return, or maybe get married in England. In America they generally let the wives in, don't you Brits do that too?? I mean how much can this dowry be?? Split it?

Thanks for comment. Def homesick!

The dowry was initially around 30K US and as a non-house owner, if I had that amount of cash to throw around it would go down as an investment on a house. I was pretty ignorant about the dowry thing, they keep it kind of quiet!

You see her parents thought I came from a rich family but I don't!

Yes we could get married in the UK - I don't want to get married, I am afraid of it not working out, or being trapped. I guess I am still hung up about my divorced parents.

I have kind of said to myself if I go back "home alone" I will finish the relationship as I can't bear to see her cry anymore every time I leave. Not to mention long distance relationships just don't work over any length of time.

Thanks for all your replies everyone they have helped!

[amicon]

I hope you find the best solution possible.happylife to you.

[lawanwadee]

If you two register your marriage in Thailand, you can apply spouse visa for her. It takes approx 6 months OR you can apply for fiance's visa so you can get married in UK.

I don't see any problem unless you want out of this relationship.