[ImaGuy]

My GF and I had been going out for 7 months until yesterday.

We are both in out mid 30's, both have been separated for well more than a year and both have 2 kids. We have known each other since high school but lost contact until the end of last year when we decided to get togther and catch up and ended up dating.

Until recently, it had been great. We talked every day. Every time I saw her she would immediately come and cuddle with me, we were affectionate and I always felt like she was really happy when we parted.

Last week I decided to tell her that I loved her. She said nothing. We were cuddling on the couch at the time. She just rolled back over and continued cuddling. She got up and went to the washroom a while later then came back and cuddled up to me again. I was left scratching my head. It quickly went down hill from there. She didn't say anything but you could see that she was different. She was kind of cold towards me. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was feeling overwhelmed. I then asked her if it was work and she said that work was part of it. I asked he is she wanted to talk about it and she said she didn't so I dropped it.

I asked her about work because she has a big career and it has been very demanding lately. They fired for helper which put more work on her plus they added more on her plate plus some special projects. Looking back on our daily emails in the past 2 or 3 weeks, every day she was saying that she is behind in her work and that she was exhausted.

Fast forward to last night, she decided that she wanted to break up. She said that she feels pulled in too many directions, that she has no time for herself and that she doesn't think that she feels the way she should after 7 months. I suggested to her that it could be the stress at work and her reply was that if she felt the way she thought she should, the stress of work shouldn't bother her. I'm not sure that I buy that.

During this break up she said repeatedly "I'm not sure", "I don't know". She also said that she likes how I care for her, how attentive I am, how I always think of her, How I take care of her needs. She says I do everything that she's likes and then says she doesn't understand why she feels the way she does. But at the same time, she doesn't think it can be fixed.

How do I fix this? I really like her. I've had a thing for her since high school. The only thing I can think to do is leave her alone and give her some space/time. I've talked to 4 people about this today and all 4 quickly came to the same conclusion. They all believe that I was coming on too strong and maybe scared her a little. Thinking back, that is possible. Although, that was not my intention. Any advice would be very appreciated. Thank you.

[artlady]

I think she may be doing you a favor ,despite that you are feeling hurt right now.

If she is not returning the feeling after seven months,which is a good amount of time to either fall in love or not,then she may have saved you more heartache down the road.

I think if love was to be part of the equation in your relationship,it would already have happened.

You can't force her to be in love with you.I believe she was enjoying your friendship and the cuddling but I don't see a love match here. She has made that pretty clear.

Sad to say,I think you need to look at this as the one that got away.Be glad she respects you enough to not lead you astray and let her go.

[wth_happened]

We love to be challenged... we want a great guy, someone who does all the things you do but at the same time we want someone that we need to be challenged by. I know sounds confusing but that's us... confusing!

[ImaGuy]

I think she may be doing you a favor ,despite that you are feeling hurt right now.

If she is not returning the feeling after seven months,which is a good amount of time to either fall in love or not,then she may have saved you more heartache down the road.

I think if love was to be part of the equation in your relationship,it would already have happened.

You can't force her to be in love with you.I believe she was enjoying your friendship and the cuddling but I don't see a love match here. She has made that pretty clear.

Sad to say,I think you need to look at this as the one that got away.Be glad she respects you enough to not lead you astray and let her go.

This is what bothers me. I really felt like love was there. I admit that she had never said it but she always acted like it. If actions speak louder than words, hers were saying that she had strong feelings for me. That is why I wonder how much coming on too strong and stress plays a role in this.

[artlady]

This is what bothers me. I really felt like love was there. I admit that she had never said it but she always acted like it. If actions speak louder than words, hers were saying that she had strong feelings for me. That is why I wonder how much coming on too strong and stress plays a role in this.

Is it possible you read too much into her actions because you wanted to believe that ?
I think she was enjoying all of the aspects of a relationship without the love and commitment.
Kind of like friends with benefits but the benefit was she had a cuddly companion who treated her well and answered her need for that *relationship comfort* without the hassle of a love entanglement.

[friend4u178]

I think what Artlady is saying sounds right.

She may not have been as much into this as you were , and the fact that you laid your feelings on the line may have scared her off and in doing so didn't want to hurt you.

I think she's done the honourable thing and come clean with you straight away. Bottom line is if she did have those feelings for you she wouldn't want to break up , there's the biggest "Actions speak louder than words" fact right there.

[ImaGuy]

Is it possible you read too much into her actions because you wanted to believe that ?
I think she was enjoying all of the aspects of a relationship without the love and commitment.
Kind of like friends with benefits but the benefit was she had a cuddly companion who treated her well and answered her need for that *relationship comfort* without the hassle of a love entanglement.

Don't get me wrong. All the other benefits were there and I don't think either of us had any complaints that way. She was always looking for more.

I guess time will tell.

[artlady]

It sounds like she wishes she felt more,you sound like a great guy.
I have been there before and I really liked this guy so much but no amount of liking or wishing it so made me feel that *spark*.

[says she doesn't understand why she feels the way she does.

I interpret that to mean why she does not feel the way she wishes she did.

[Gemini54]

This must have been very difficult for you - you were honest about how you felt and it blew up in your face.

I agree with the other posters that this sounds like a comfortable friendship that appeared to have no strings attached. Cuddles, comfort and conversation.

But for her, once those three little words were uttered, it changed everything. I don't think that you came on too strong - she just doesn't feel the same way you do.

By all means give her space, but I suspect she thinks that those words have created expectations on your part and her sense of comfort with the relationship is gone.

[artlady]

This must have been very difficult for you - you were honest about how you felt and it blew up in your face.

I agree with the other posters that this sounds like a comfortable friendship that appeared to have no strings attached. Cuddles, comfort and conversation.

But for her, once those three little words were uttered, it changed everything. I don't think that you came on too strong - she just doesn't feel the same way you do.

By all means give her space, but I suspect she thinks that those words have created expectations on your part and her sense of comfort with the relationship is gone.

Can't rep you Gem (rules) but I think she also cares about him to the extent that she does not want to see him hurt and give him any false expectations.

[Gemini54]

Can't rep you Gem (rules) but I think she also cares about him to the extent that she does not want to see him hurt and give him any false expectations.

Can't rep you either Artlady - them's the rules - but I agree.