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ProudMommyof2 · Aug 2, 2009, 07:07 PM

Can my husband contest a step parent adoption with out a lawyer? Also, are these good reasons for contestment? The mother will try to say that he has not been there for four years but he ha sbeen trying to see him for two years. The mother also lies about the child such as saying he was doing excellent in school & the teachers want to promote him but then it turns out that he wasn't doing that good in school. Also,she said that her & her husband don't drink anymore but we have pictures proving that they do. We know that neither of those 2 things are really bad but can't we use the fact that she is making a point of lying to the father?

N0help4u · Aug 2, 2009, 07:11 PM

He (the father) needs to take all the proof he can to court. If he can't get school records he needs to get them subpenaed into evidence. He would need a lawyer.
He needs to get everything documented. That he did attempt to have visits/phone calls but they blocked them. Is there a court order in place for custody/visitation?
Yes he can contest it and refuse to sign then it is up to the Judge.

ScottGem · Aug 2, 2009, 08:07 PM

A step parent adoption is unlikely to be allowed if the legal father refuses to relinquish their rights. There is nothing to contest!

Fr_Chuck · Aug 2, 2009, 08:30 PM

He should get an attorney and be filing motions to require visits if they are not being allowed. Also he should be getting copies of all school records and have access to them, so he needs to file motions for this.

stevetcg · Aug 3, 2009, 02:23 AM

Like Scott said - there is really nothing to contest. When asked to terminate his rights, say no. That is pretty much the end of it unless they go to court to try to have his rights involuntarily revoked. At that point, he just shows up and says something to the effect of "hey - I havent been the best but im trying to turn it around".

N0help4u · Aug 3, 2009, 04:11 AM

Originally Posted by stevetcg

unless they go to court to try to have his rights involuntarily revoked. At that point, he just shows up and says something to the effect of "hey - I havent been the best but im trying to turn it around".

Yeah that is basically the point I was getting at that he needs to prove they are lying and anything he can to back himself up to contest them if they do try to take his rights away.

cdad · Aug 3, 2009, 01:21 PM

Also on a side note he should file for custody visitation if he is having trouble seeing the child at her whim. That way he will have the backing of a court order and if she interferes there will be consequences.

s_cianci · Aug 3, 2009, 01:52 PM

Your post is a little ambivalent. Is your husband the biological father? And is the step father trying to adopt your husband's son over his objections? This is the impression I get from reading your question but it's not entirely clear. So, to address your concerns based on that assumption, your husband can contest an adoption without a lawyer but that would be ill-advised, in my opinion. Also, I get the impression that there has not been regular visitation between your husband and his son. You also state that your husband has been "trying" to see him over the last 2 years. I have to ask, why has he been "trying" to see him without it materializing? If the mother has been blocking his efforts, then he's the one who should be initiating legal action, to either establish a visitation order or to enforce an already-existing one. Either way, if your husband objects to the adoption, that right there will carry considerable weight. Is you husband paying child support? "He said, she said.." scenarios such as his school performance, etc. really carry no legal weight, nor will claims that they "don't drink anymore, but you have pictures proving that they do." Now if you can present actual evidence of alcohol abuse in the home then that'll certainly weigh in your husband's favor. But simply enjoying a drink occasionally doesn't constitute abuse and it seems that that's all the evidence you have right now. Bottom line, if your husband has been served with a motion for the stepfather to adopt, he should, with an attorney's assistance, file a counter motion.

ScottGem · Aug 3, 2009, 03:03 PM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

your husband can contest an adoption without a lawyer but that would be ill-advised, in my opinion.

There is no need to contest because its not going to go through without the legal father's assent.

ProudMommyof2 · Aug 5, 2009, 11:08 AM

Well they posted an ad in the paper for an 'unknown father,unknown location' even though my husband's name is on the birth certificate & we were asking her if we could see him. (I have proof of all this) Anyway, the adoption did make it to court & the judge did not grant the adoption or the contestment.

So can my husband go file for visitation now?? A lawyer really isn't in our budget at the moment. We spent all our savings on the contestment

stevetcg · Aug 5, 2009, 11:15 AM

Originally Posted by ProudMommyof2

Well they posted an ad in the paper for an 'unknown father,unknown location' even though my husband's name is on the birth certificate & we were asking her if we could see him. (I have proof of all this) Anyway, the adoption did make it to court & the judge did not grant the adoption or the contestment.

So can my husband go file for visitation now?? A lawyer really isn't in our budget at the moment. We spent all our savings on the contestment

He absolutley can and a lawyer is not necessary. Yes, it would make things smoother, but family court is generally pretty user friendly.

Incidentally, if you can prove that you were in contact with the mother and she tried to circumvent legal notice (i.e. using publication in lieu of physical service) its possible that she committed perjury and can be prosecuted for it (a felony in many states).

Only a local lawyer familiar with all the details can tell you for certain though...

ProudMommyof2 · Aug 5, 2009, 12:04 PM

Thank you! The lawyer who contested the adoption for him was not very good & led us to believe that he could not file for visitation until the adoption was settled. But the judge said that it should be settled between the two parties so I guess filing for visitation would be the next move.

We can get the money if we absolutely have to but we'd really like to try this without one.

stevetcg · Aug 5, 2009, 01:10 PM

Originally Posted by ProudMommyof2

Thank you! The lawyer who contested the adoption for him was not very good & led us to believe that he could not file for visitation until the adoption was settled. But the judge said that it should be settled between the two parties so I guess filing for visitation would be the next move.

We can get the money if we absolutely have to but we'd really like to try this without one.

The problem faced trying this without a lawyer is why has there been a delay. The court and opposing counsel will ask this. "Why now, after all this time" is a question he will get a lot.

ScottGem · Aug 5, 2009, 02:21 PM

Originally Posted by ProudMommyof2

Well they posted an ad in the paper for an 'unknown father,unknown location' even though my husband's name is on the birth certificate & we were asking her if we could see him. (I have proof of all this) Anyway, the adoption did make it to court & the judge did not grant the adoption or the contestment.

So can my husband go file for visitation now?? A lawyer really isn't in our budget at the moment. We spent all our savings on the contestment

Of course he didn't grant the contest of the adoption since he didn't grant the adoption, that made contesting it moot. We told you the adoption would not go through. I'm curious as to what grounds the judge gave for not granting the adoption? Did you present your evidence that they tried to push the adoption through behind his back by service by newspaper even though they knew where to contact him?

And yes, you can now file for visitation rights.

ProudMommyof2 · Aug 5, 2009, 03:36 PM

You know, we are really not sure. We were no present on the court date. It was only the lawyers & the judge. Our lawyer was terrible & very uninformative. For example, she kept telling us that we could not file for visitation because the "judge said it needed to be worked out between parties." I asked a numerous amount of times to push for visitation and it never happened. Consequently, we no longer have a lawyer.

And to answer the question of "why now?". The mother moved out of state when the child was 2, got married & we had no way of contacting her. As soon as she found us in 2007, we have been trying to be a part of his life. In all the wrong ways. Obviously, this is going to have to be settled through court and not with her.

Thank you all for the advice!

ScottGem · Aug 5, 2009, 03:49 PM

You should be entitled to a copy of the hearing transcript or, at least, the ruling. If your lawyer won't get you one, go to the court clerk and ask for one.

It sounds like the judge didn't want to force visitation on the custodial parent, hoping the parties can work things out.

Once you get the ruling or transcript, you will have a better idea of what the judge wants.

Lets assume the judge ruled that the parents should work out a visitation agreement. I would then send the custodial parent a letter stating that, since the judge ordered this, you want to work something out. But that, if she refuses, your husband will pursue visitation in court. And, since they tried to terminate his rights and get an adoption through fraud, the courts are not likely to look kindly on her side.

BTW, was there ever a visitation schedule in place prior to her disappearing?

Justwantfair · Aug 5, 2009, 03:58 PM

Originally Posted by ProudMommyof2

You know, we are really not sure. We were no present on the court date. It was only the lawyers & the judge. Our lawyer was terrible & very uninformative. For example, she kept telling us that we could not file for visitation because the "judge said it needed to be worked out between parties." I asked a numerous amount of times to push for visitation and it never happened. Consequently, we no longer have a lawyer.

And to answer the question of "why now?". The mother moved out of state when the child was 2, got married & we had no way of contacting her. As soon as she found us in 2007, we have been trying to be a part of his life. In all the wrong ways. Obviously, this is going to have to be settled through court and not with her.

Thank you all for the advice!

When you hire an attorney and surely when you have an attorney that you believe is horrible, please know the worse thing you can do on your own behalf is not be present even when you are represented. You will be billed for the time of court and for a summary of court proceedings, while it is much more beneficial to be in court so that you can hear what is going on and be involved.

You should retain new counsel, when a judge says that visitation should be worked out between the parties, he means that he is more partial to the parties agreeing. Your attorney will need to then stress that without the judges intervention, the opposing side is unwilling to comply to any visitation agreement.

ProudMommyof2 · Aug 5, 2009, 04:01 PM

He has told her that he wanted to work things out and also pointed out that the judge did not grant them an adoption. However, she feels that because the judge did not grant the contestment, that she can still have the child adopted without consent. For some reason, our lawyer seemed to think the same thing. Seeing the way you put it, It makes much more sense. If the judge did not grant the adoption, then there was no need for contest. She does not see it that way however.

There were no visitation orders when he was seeing the child. Just an agreement between the two of them, which I always discouraged.

Also, they have moved since trying for the adoption. Would we file for visitation in the state they live in or in the state that their lawyer is in? We do not live in either state, by the way.

ProudMommyof2 · Aug 5, 2009, 04:04 PM

The lawyer told us that we could not be there. Which they did not mention until the day before when we called to know where to be. How do we go about getting a copy of it? I have tried getting in touch with the lawyer but I never get a call or e-mail back.

ScottGem · Aug 5, 2009, 04:10 PM

Talk to the court clerk.

I don't see how she thinks she can still get an adoption without your husband's consent once one was denied.