[MisterD1016]

Hey everyone,

This is my first time posting so please bare with me.

I was in a 3 year relationship with my girlfriend until she broke it off beginning of last month. She said she didn't really know if she loved me and that she didn't like where the relationship was heading. I was really confused and shocked but I found out that a guy that she cybered with in the beginning of our relationship (which I initially broke off with her bcs I considered it cheating, but then a week later she begged me to take her back) had come back to her home town. She had been seeing him behind my back for the past day or two. She told me that she wasn't doing anything with him , but she didn't want to hurt me (RED LIGHT!). She basically told me in a indirect way that she had feelings for him and she doesn't love me anymore (only as a friend). I started to have a panic attack and I asked her to make an appointment with her shrink so we can try and get this settled.

We go to the shrink and basically my gf's problem with the relationship was that she wanted space from me bcs I was suffocating her by calling her 5 or more times a day and driving over to see her almost every day of the week. I do admit that I was suffocating her and was insecure about the relationship. I have been insecure of the relationship bcs of all the little lies she would tell me and hide from me and so I was reacting to it by keeping tabs on her at all times (Which was a stupid and big mistake). My problem with her was that I had a trust issue with her bcs of our first year together and the break ups we went through with each other during that year. So our hmk from that shrink session was to work on our insecurities and give each other space and to be honest with each other. She still continued to see the other guy at his house for help for her hmk (which I do believe) but then I find out the day after she spent the night at his house! I was pissed but wasn't surprised bcs I knew it was bound to happen at some point. She told me that nothing sexual or anything happened. We see the shrink again the week after and she tells the shrink that she had feelings for him but he doesn't have feelings for her. She said she was done with him and he was out of her life. She said she wants the relationship to workout with me. But I told her that I would love to be in the relationship with her but I don't want to be her comfort blanket. Her hmk after that session; if she wanted to be with me for real or not.

2 days later she decides that she wants to work on the relationship for the long haul. Well great, right? Wrong... that evening she accidentally pocket dialed me form her phone and I heard her getting in the car with the other guy and talking to him. They were panning on hanging out that night with his friends at a bon fire party... late. I know they weren't doing anything... but she just said that he was out of her life and she wanted to work on the relationship with me. I called her back and asked her where she was and she lied to me right over the phone. I told her that I heard everything, and she responded by asking "if I was done with her" "are we over now?" "I dont think I should be in a relationship right now" "I don't think I deserve you" . I said w/e and broke it off and hung up. I did NC for about week to clear my head and figure out where I wanted to go. She started to call and text me. She wanted to talk to me one last time for closure. I texted her back ( I know I broke the NC rule) that I didn't feeling like talking and I would talk to her in about a week. (so basically didn't talk to her for 2 weeks)

Two days go by and she keeps texting me and trying to call me. Leaving me voicemails. On the fifth day she begs and pleads with me (over texting) that she really needs someone to talk to (she doesn't have many friends to talk to except me, which she tells me everything because I am the only one there for her). On that same day I took all her out of my apartment and dropped it off at her house. I wasn't planning on talking to her, just drop off the and leave, but her mom asked me to stay and talk bcs she had something to tell me. Me and my ex go for a walk and she is crying ever since I arrived at her house. She basically tells me that she is pissed that I didn't contact her when she needed me. Also that she f'd up everything, and she actually had sex with the guy two days after I broke it off with her. (btw the guy says he doesn't want to be in any kind of relationship) She said that she wanted to take everything back. (oh and she started telling me this when I told her that I never wanted to talk to her again). She felt depressed and wanted to kill herself. She couldn't focus on school bcs she was missing me so much and was doing horrible.

I felt bad and I really wanted her back but I don't want to get hurt by her. I wanted to know that she will be willing to be with me for the long haul and not drop me for another guy bcs she had flirted with him when she was in high school and never really got over him (btw this other dude is 5 yrs older, lives with his dad and is a pot head... wow, attractive right?). So being a concerned friend I told her not to do anything that would hurt herself and I hugged her and what not. She kept in touch with and let me know how she was feeling (depressed or w/e). She said she was a lot happier and feeling a lot better that I was talking to her.

So this morning... I know I shouldn't have done it... I had sex with her. Which was probably a bad idea, bcs I had the ball in my court and now I am letting it slip. I do want things to work out between us but I don't want her to think that what she did she could get away with again. I have been talking to her but mainly through text and I respond one word responses when she texts me. I told her I still need time to think about if I want to be with her, she said she understands. Oh... I accidentally let the L-bomb go and I am not sure if she said it also bcs of habit. She also said that she has stopped communication and seeing the other guy. (I don't think that is true though, they live pretty close and it's a small town) We are going to different schools now (bcs she ed up at the college that we both went to) and she is commuting from home... I am sure she will talk to him and see him at some point, since I won't be coming to see her that often.

I don't know what to do now? I know that I want things to work out in the relationship between us. I would like her to also be 150% committed to the relationship and not drop me for the other guy. She also said something about him not wanting her... I think... so I don't want her coming back to me bcs this guy rejected her for now. She seems to be disorganized with her life.

UGH! If I could get some advice or suggestions, I think it would help me out a lot.

Thank you for your help!

Thank you so much if you read the whole thing! I would be happy to answer questions that will help clear the details.

[friend4u178]

WOW
This relationship is Toxic , there is understandbly no trust on your part and I don't think you will ever be able to trust her.

In my opinion you'd be better off to let her go and take your pain now rather than wasting more time with her.

[CanIBuyAClue]

Yeah, I would have to agree with friend4u... if my ex had sex with some random guy 2 days after she broke it off with me, or if I broke it off with her there's no coming back from that in my book. I would never be able to trust her again, I would always be thinking what if we got in another fight somewhere down the road, is she just going to go have sex with another random guy?

[amicon]

Please step away from this drama. You don't need this. You should do the N C And ignore her.

[paxe]

I passed by the same thing more or less. My ex dumped me and there was this other guy which she didn't tell me about it. Well they kissed together and took a picture ( I think they still have it ), and she lied to me and told me that I betrayed her when I planned a vacation with one of my friend (after the break up), while she was with this other guy and she didn't tell me about.
The reason I'm telling you this is that my ex-gf is horrible but it's less worse that your situation. If you used your brain, you would understand that this relationship won't work. Trust me I've been there.

[talaniman]

I see no point in holding on to someone you don't trust, can't communicate with, don't work well together, and have this drama, and confusion going on. You both have issues, you should take the time to work on, apart.