[dolly210]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 4 months. He is mexican and I am half Apache indian and half polish and czech. We have such a good connection but latley he had been making racist jokes about me. It annoys me but when I get home and it sinks in, it truly upsets me. I can take a joke but he actually makes me feel ashamed of my culture and sometimes I get the notion that the he thinks his race is better than mine. What should I do?

[I wish]

Why don't you confront him about it? How can you expect him to stop if he doesn't know it's bothering you? Communication is key.

[dolly210]

Hmm well I told him before but he's always like "Oh c'mon I was just joking!" But I just wonder, does anyone know of any racism between native americans and mexicans?

[jmjoseph]

This guy either : a) doesn't have any racial sensitivity.
b) is disrespectful to you and your heritage.
c) is an idiot.
d) all of the above.
If you've told him, and he KNOWS that this makes you feel uncomfortable, you should cut him loose. Find someone who will respect and love you. Don't settle for anything less than what you feel you deserve.

[nikosmom]

I vote D- all of the above.

There is no way that I'd be with someone that makes racial jokes about me. Not cool. There is no way to justify it.

It's hurtful and you need to tell him... on your way out the door.

[asking]

These "jokes" are the early signs of abusive behavior. Saying something hurtful and then insisting it is a joke is classic abuser behavior. It's a giant red flag. I would be especially worried if he shows any other signs of being controlling, such as discouraging you from seeing friends on your own, putting down family (his or yours), insisting on sex when you don't want it, or any of a long series of controlling behaviors.

I think you should break up with him, as it will be much easier now than later. This kind of treatment is insidious and gradually breaks down yourself esteem, as you've already noticed.

[dolly210]

These "jokes" are the early signs of abusive behavior. Saying something hurtful and then insisting it is a joke is classic abuser behavior. It's a giant red flag. I would be especially worried if he shows any other signs of being controlling, such as discouraging you from seeing friends on your own, putting down family (his or yours), insisting on sex when you don't want it, or any of a long series of controlling behaviors.

I think you should break up with him, as it will be much easier now than later. This kind of treatment is insidious and gradually breaks down your self esteem, as you've already noticed.

Wow I never would have seen it that way. Good point. It just seems that most guys like to make racial comments to seem funny. I mean, he does it with everyone so sometimes it confuses me if he truly means it (which he says he doesn't) :confused:

[Torrid13]

In some cultures, men don't treat women with much respect because they're considered "lesser" beings, even if they share their opinions and displeasure in such treatment.

If he's not willing to listen to you now on a simple issue, and consider your feelings, chances are he's not going to care about your feelings when it comes to big and important issues.

[asking]

Wow I never would have seen it that way. Good point. It just seems that most guys like to make racial comments to seem funny. I mean, he does it with everyone so sometimes it confuses me if he truly means it (which he says he doesn't) :confused:

The important thing is you don't think it's funny, you've told him it makes you feel bad, and he keeps doing it. What does that tell you?

If you want to test his sense of humor, think of something he's sensitive about and then tease him about it for a week or so. Just keep bringing it up about as often as he teases you about your ethnic background. Make sure you laugh when you do it. I'm guessing that at best he'll put on a good face and then find an excuse to pick a fight within a short time. Worst case, he'll get angry immediately.

I don't usually recommend anything so mean, but it would tell you if he really thinks this stuff is funny or if it's only funny when he's doing it to you.

[crisluvsu731]

Girl, you need to drop him. That isn't going to change, I can tell you that now. If he is doing it now and doesn't notice it hurts you, he isn't worth it. You deserve someone who will love you for who you are, not pull you down.

[Gemini54]

Essentially what he's doing is utterly disrespectful and shows an alarming disregard for your feelings.

You've asked him to stop, he tells you that he's joking. In other words - what's wrong with you? Can't you take a joke?

He's not listening, which is red flag number two.

Tell him straight to stop the racist jokes. If he keeps making excuses about how it's your problem I'd be walking out the door.

Treat yourself with the respect you deserve, even if he won't!

[stevetcg]

Wow I never would have seen it that way. Good point. It just seems that most guys like to make racial comments to seem funny. I mean, he does it with everyone so sometimes it confuses me if he truly means it (which he says he doesn't) :confused:

No - "most" guys make racial jokes because they are racists. I am funny... and never make racial jokes.

Dump his loser butt.

[CFZD]

OP,

I don't think you necessarily need to drop him. Some people are not sensitive about making that type of jokes. I work with a group of male engineers, they joke about everything, gender, race etc. They may come across as idiots! Lol

I talk to one once that some jokes are not nice, he said " sometimes, we talk sh*t, we don't even know what we are talking about..."

LOL

Oh well

[NeedKarma]

...he said " sometimes, we talk sh*t, we don't even know what we are talking about..."

Nope, they *always* know what they (we men) are talking about.

[CFZD]

Nope, they *always* know what they (we men) are talking about.

See, that's an example! ;)

[NeedKarma]

see, that's an example! ;)

Of what?

[CFZD]

Of what?

Again! ;)

[NeedKarma]

You are a confusing person.

[CFZD]

You are a confusing person.

You must be a man then.:rolleyes:

[NeedKarma]

You're a good example of why a good man will shy away from a woman who plays head games.