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cokacoola · Aug 3, 2009, 11:19 AM

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and I'm now about 17 weeks pregnant with his baby. We're young; I'm 18 and he's almost 20. We've been having a lot of issues lately and have been so on again and off again because of stress and the baby.

Last week, I hurt him very badly when I was on vacation. I didn't cheat on him or anything even close to that. But now he wants to take a break, get his mind set straight and just wants time to himself. I do understand where he's coming from, but he also wants there to be no contact whatsoever until something like December.

I just don't know what to expect. He isn't going to date anyone else, or so he says, so I just don't know what to expect.

Is this his way of letting me down easily? Breaking up with me without ACTUALLY breaking up with me so he doesn't look like a jerk for leaving his pregnant girlfriend? Or does he really need that 5 months time to see how he feels and what he wants to do? I've tried talking to him a couple of days ago and it didn't really go anywhere and now I'm scared to try and talk to him again. I know he needs his space and time off and I respect that, but I just don't want to hope that something will get resolved and we'll be together again in the future when he actually has no intention of being with me. I just feel like if I really do give him his time and don't talk to him for weeks or months at a time, that he'll move on and I'll have waited around for nothing and end up feeling really stupid. Should I keep hope that it'll work or should I just move on?

And I was on birth control-the nuva ring- and he's the only person I've ever had sex with so please don't lecture me on being unsafe and stupid about sex. Abortion also is NOT an option for me, I'd rather do adoption so please don't even try and convince me to abort.

My (ex?)boyfriend also says he wants to be there for the baby, even if we aren't together. He says there isn't anyone else, but in 5 months time... there might be. He originally wanted to move in with me so he could help take care of the baby full-time while working/going to school. So I find it hard to believe he is leaving me because I'm pregnant... but his mind changed so quickly from wanting to spend his life with me to wanting nothing to do with me that I just don't know.

I'm confused and hurt and could use any advice. I don't want to move on, but if I have to, then I will. I just want to try and make this work and I feel like he isn't giving me that opportunity.

kctiger · Aug 3, 2009, 11:25 AM

What exactly did you do that hurt him so much? Can you elaborate on that?

Wondergirl · Aug 3, 2009, 11:25 AM

It sounds like you will be raising this baby alone. What was this all about? "Last week, I hurt him very badly when I was on vacation."

cokacoola · Aug 3, 2009, 11:31 AM

Oops, sorry, I thought I elaborated. But I was on vacation on the other side of the country. I felt really alone, depressed and confused and told this to my boyfriend. To which he kept responding "You'll get over it. It's not that bad, it's just because you're on vacation."

I was furious with him because he was taking no time out of his day to give me a call or even text me-something that takes maybe 30 seconds to do- because he was too busy with his friends.

So I told him I might as well kill myself since he obviously doesn't care. I don't plan on doing it (I am seeing a therapist and have talked about this, so I promise I'm keeping safe) but I was desperate and in a very bad state of mind.

He called me sobbing, begging me not to do it. And when I told him I hadn't, he just shut down completely.

Like I said, I know that it was TERRIBLE and I so regret doing it. It was a very, very selfish thing to do to try and validate his feelings for me. I just honestly didn't think he'd care if I did.

kctiger · Aug 3, 2009, 11:35 AM

While I could go off on a raid about your behavior, I will instead offer you some advice. Think of your child and only your child right now. Your job is to do whatever is best for him/her. If your boyfriend no longer wants to be with you due to your selfish and immature behavior, then that is his decision, but for sake of the child, get yourself mentally prepared to be a parent, with or without your boyfriend. Sometimes crying wolf ends up blowing up in your face.

88sunflower · Aug 3, 2009, 11:39 AM

First why is it he wants NC until December? Is there a reason for that time? It makes no sense he picks when he wants to break the NC. You either work it out together or you split and move on. He needs to grow up and realize your having his baby. There should always be contact, period. That baby is his. Doesn't he want to know how your doing? How the baby is growing? If you go in to labor and your in this NC with him is he going to be there? He needs to step up to the plate first of all and realize he has to be in your life for that baby.
I am sorry you felt you had to kill yourself and am happy to hear you have counseling for that. But to me this is another reason he needs to grow up. Your pregnant with his child, your in depression and want to take your life and he decides he needs time away from you? For the sake of his baby and yours he should be helping you through all of this turmoil your feeling. If you take your life, your baby chances are will go to. You both need to keep that in mind and step up to the plate as parents and think of that child and not this foolishness.

cokacoola · Aug 3, 2009, 11:39 AM

Thank you for your advice and for sparing me the lecture. I am trying my best to mentally prepare myself to have the baby and to deal with situations better and have been going to therapy weekly.
Thank you again. I will definitely put her(the baby) at the top of my priorities.

cokacoola · Aug 3, 2009, 11:42 AM

88sunflower:
I think he chose December because it's the month before the baby is born so he'll be there in time for the birth. He just said to let him know if anything is wrong with her, but if there isn't, just to leave him alone for now.
But you're right; we both have some major growing up to do and very little time to do it in.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. Sometimes, it's just refreshing to hear an outside perspective.

talaniman · Aug 4, 2009, 01:48 PM

Sorry, but he is telling you he won't deal with a pregnant woman, and may not be a good man to depend on when you need him.

As a support system he sucks. Don't be mad, but wacky hormones make pregnant females hard to deal with, but his actions are no excuse for his behavior, after all YOU'RE the one giving birth.

Hope he is a better father. Just don't count on it.