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reckless · Jul 28, 2009, 02:08 PM

So wordwise there's nothing I can say. Calling her even if it's not to talk about the relationship, I'm assuming that's bad too. Action-wise just do what she's been asking me to do all along.

But the biggest thing of all is to leave her alone and let her think it out on her own.

jmw0713 · Jul 28, 2009, 02:15 PM

If you keep calling her you are going to piss her off more and start moving into the creepy ex/stalker territory. I know you don't want to end up there.

J_9 · Jul 28, 2009, 02:18 PM

Originally Posted by reckless

so wordwise there's nothing i can say. calling her even if it's not to talk about the relationship, i'm assuming that's bad too. action-wise just do what she's been asking me to do all along.

but the biggest thing of all is to leave her alone and let her think it out on her own.

Do I read stalker here? Leave her alone. Don't call her, don't text her, NO CONTACT period!!

Don't call her to talk about anything. She doesn't exist anymore.

N0help4u · Jul 28, 2009, 02:19 PM

Originally Posted by jmw0713

If you keep calling her you are going to piss her off more and start moving into the creepy ex/stalker territory. I know you don't want to end up there.

Have to spread rep

EXACTLY
Right now he is in the obnoxious ''This proves to me WHY I broke up with him'' stage.

reckless · Jul 28, 2009, 04:34 PM

Advice taken. I will most certainly not call her except to arrange stuff on Saturday like what time etc. when I go I will pretend my arms are dead and do nothing to touch her or do that PDA crap she complains about.

I know exactly how she feels right now. She told me she loves me and I know she does. She loves me, but she won't put up with my crap anymore. She's tired of me never listening to her and she doesn't think the relationship can work. I know she's not sure about it because she said she wanted time to give me a straight answer. This isn't completely final, but I also know that there's nothing I can say to turn her around. I know this because I've proven time and time again that I don't listen. My actions will speak louder than my words and I will treat her right. I'm done with this thread until Saturday. Thanks for all the help. I will try my best to forget about her and let this thing run its course. I'll tell you all how it turns out. I won't call her, don't worry.

friend4u178 · Jul 28, 2009, 05:34 PM

Originally Posted by reckless

i know exactly how she feels right now. she told me she loves me and i know she does. she loves me

NO she doesn't love you , she can say it as often as she wants but her actions clearly state that she doesn't. You don't leave someone you Love FULL STOP.

You've been given some real good advice by some smart people on here now and it just doesn't seem to be sinking in , because basically you just refuse to go No Contact and start your healing process.

Bottom line is you can take every one's advice and leave her alone so you can start healing , or you can stay on the emotional Roller Coaster wondering if it's ever going to pull up , and in a couple of months time you still won't be any closer to getting her back.

Romefalls19 · Jul 28, 2009, 06:03 PM

Friend, I agree. That's why I decided to stop offering advice because he obviously doesn't want it

carlson92 · Jul 28, 2009, 09:15 PM

well the communication thing is the problem. She says I don't listen, and I try but apparently I don't try hard enough. I'm to blame for doing the stuff she told me not to like PDA and getting into a fight with her friend. I know there's no convincing her that I can listen anymore since I've proven to her that I can't. I really want to change this time but she doesn't think I can.

Its never too late to change and improve yourself, but don't change just because to suit her, is for your own benefit. Its never too late to learn to be a good listener for your future.

Friend, I agree. That's why I decided to stop offering advice because he obviously doesn't want it

Lol rome, just sit back and see how this ends then. :)

__________________________________________________ ___________________________

NC since 29th June

reckless · Jul 29, 2009, 06:11 AM

I said I was going to quit until Saturday but she called me.

I'll make this simple. She said her mom would refund the ticket to the play and I said I'd go anyway. We talked random small talk. I stupidly told her that I loved her and that I would listen from now on. That I wasn't just saying that, that I would actually do it. She said that I couldn't force her into making a decision. I said that I wouldn't force her. I said I was busy and goodbye. She said bye.

honestly guys, you're right. I can actually do better. She is treating me poorly. She's just breaking up with me on a whim without even giving me a real chance. I should really just replace her. In this situation she really has me by the balls. There's no way to regain my manhood in this situation. The ball is in her court and there isn't really anything I can do about it.

like I did this time, I wrote down our conversations from the first time she broke up with me. When I got her back that time, the ball was in my court because I was actively replacing her. Here's a conversation from 3 months ago

Her: “I'm so scared”
Me: “Of what?”
Her: “That you will fall in love with that girl, and not want me, or want her body more than mine.”
Me: “You're stupid”
Her: “Well I don't know what she looks like, but Dylan thinks she is hot, so maybe you will find her more attractive and fall in love with her and I'll be nothing.”
Me: “I told you that I would always return to you; that I'd always love you. I've never lied to you.”
Her: “I know…and if you find another girl who is prettier than me…”
Me: “Number one, that's not possible. Number two, you're stupid. Number three, it's not just about how pretty you are; it's your personality too.”
Her: “I want you with me so much, you're all I want and need.”
Me: “That's great baby. I won't give you up like you gave me up.”
Her: “What do you want me to do?”
Me: “You don't have to do anything but love me.”
Her: “I'll bleed for you if that would make you forgive me, I do love you.”
Me: “That would most certainly not make me forgive you. Anything that involves you getting hurt won't make me forgive you.
Her: “I love you.”
Me: “…”
Her: “Do you not believe me?”
Me: “I believe you.”
Her: “I don't know what to do to prove it to you”
Me: “There isn't a way you can. You used to tell me that all I ever did was say that I loved you, but I didn't act like I loved you. I didn't know what to do to make you believe. So I definitely don't know how you can prove yourself.”
Her: “I don't regret doing it, only how I did it. I do believe we needed it... how else you really know how much you mean to someone or how much they mean to you unless you let them go and see how it makes you feel?”

I mean honestly. I wrote that back in June when we broke up the first time and she crawled back. Look at me now. I'm the one asking for forgiveness. Enough of that. I'm going to ask her to apologize for all of this. I don't need her anymore. This reinforces the NC to the point where I really don't care about her because she's pure evil.

jmw0713 · Jul 29, 2009, 06:16 AM

Don't ask to an apology. She doesn't owe you one and you don't owe her one. Just leave her alone and get on with your own life.

kctiger · Jul 29, 2009, 06:16 AM

You're going to ask her to apologize?? Jesus do you listen? ENOUGH!!

You are acting like the biggest creeper and stalker I have ever seen. Look at yourself! Quit doing this! Not only do you look pathetic to her, but to the rest of us who have wasted time giving advice to you. I cannot seriously believe you are contemplating doing this. I am almost speechless, and I RARELY get that way.

I am almost of the opinion you need to seek help from a professional. There has got to be some rational explanation for your ignorant way of thinking, but I certainly can't find it.

reckless · Jul 29, 2009, 06:34 AM

Fine. I won't ask for an apology. I will go into silence again. I shouldn't have picked up. I won't pick up again. I appear on Saturday. I have as much fun as I can. I use my anger as fuel to not contact her between then and now. I don't contact her afterwards.

I assure you I will go NC. Today is the first morning I've woken up and realized that I don't want or need her.

N0help4u · Jul 29, 2009, 06:34 AM

Originally Posted by reckless

I said I was going to quit until Saturday but she called me.

I'll make this simple. She said her mom would refund the ticket to the play and I said I'd go anyway. We talked random small talk. I stupidly told her that I loved her and that I would listen from now on. That I wasn't just saying that, that I would actually do it. She said that I couldn't force her into making a decision. I said that I wouldn't force her. I said I was busy and goodbye. She said bye.

honestly guys, you're right. I can actually do better. She is treating me poorly. She's just breaking up with me on a whim without even giving me a real chance. I should really just replace her. In this situation she really has me by the balls. There's no way to regain my manhood in this situation. The ball is in her court and there isn't really anything I can do about it.

and she crawled back. Look at me now. I'm the one asking for forgiveness. Enough of that. I'm going to ask her to apologize for all of this. I don't need her anymore. This reinforces the NC to the point where I really don't care about her because she's pure evil.

Listen to yourself!!
Unbelievable

she is treating me poorly

**HELLO she is treating you poorly because you keep going back for more when she has explained herself until she is blue in the face!

she's just breaking up with me on a whim without even giving me a real chance.

**How many chances do you want before you will consider it a real chance.
I am counting at least 4 chances she has given you to get it right so far.
Problem is you are insisting on going back for the next round before you have figured out exactly what you are doing wrong.

I should really just replace her

**Sounds like this may show a part of your problem. Replace---BATTERIES get replaced
not people.

in this situation she really has me by the balls. There's no way to regain my manhood in this situation

**Another problem you are looking at this like a power struggle and either she looses or you loose rather than your being willing to simply admit that you two are just not compatible with each other.

the ball is in her court and there isn't really anything I can do about it.

**the only thing you seem to get but again I think you are only trying to convince yourself rather than actually getting it.

she crawled back. Going to ask her to apologize for all of this. I don't need her anymore. This reinforces the NC to the point where I really don't care about her because she's pure evil

** More power struggle on your part as well as your projecting the way you see it and too stubborn to HEAR what she is trying to get across.

The mere fact that you are writing conversations out and keeping them to hold against her months later shows you aren't getting it.

Good go NC but until you figure out where things went wrong with her I am not so sure you are going to do all that great ''replacing'' her.

jmw0713 · Jul 29, 2009, 06:39 AM

That's a good start. I still think you are using Saturday as a last ditch effort to try and get her back, but if you insist on going to this play with her... I'm not going to stop you.

Do not go overboard and start coming up with "plans" to show her you've changed. It won't work. She has already made up her mind about where you stand in her life right now. It time to accept that and start focusing your time and energy on yourself and doing things that you like.

reckless · Jul 29, 2009, 07:03 AM

I see things from her point of view. I'm the most hard-headed stubborn guy on the face of this planet. She's right when she says I'm not going to change. Sure I'll try to listen, but I probably won't one time and this whole process will repeat itself if I were to go back out with her again.

Maybe you guys are right and we aren't compatible. We would be if listening wasn't such a key factor. I do try to listen. My friends think it's because I'm a guy and I'm not good at listening. They say she has to have more serious relationships to understand that most guys just don't listen. I know that guys not listening is a pretty normal and stereotypical complaint from women.

This play isn't really isn't a last ditch effort because I'm not trying to to put effort into it. I'm not planning things out. I'm going with the flow this time around.

I have the will to let her go now because I know she's right this time. I agree with her now. I probably won't change. I didn't even fully listen to you guys' advice. I only really paid attention to the ones I wanted to read. I don't listen because I always think I'm right. It's a character flaw on my part. It's just who I am.

Thanks for sticking it out with me. Thanks for telling me things I should have known all along. I had to learn them myself and that's fine. They'll mean more that way.

Most of all, I'm going to be with my friends more. Today I'm going to a water park to just relax and have fun. Thursday I'll invite someone over. Friday I'm already taken by another friend. Saturday is the play. I haven't planned Sunday yet.

N0help4u · Jul 29, 2009, 07:08 AM

Your problem is not so much in whether you listen or if you are hard headed as much as it is in the way you interpret things and try to work everything out in your head instead of chillin and just enjoying. Over analyzing and putting your perspective into every situation is killing you from getting anywhere.

slapshot_oi · Jul 29, 2009, 07:14 AM

Originally Posted by reckless

i mean honestly. i wrote that back in june when we broke up the first time and she crawled back. look at me now. i'm the one asking for forgiveness. enough of that. i'm going to ask her to apologize for all of this. i don't need her anymore. this reinforces the NC to the point where i really don't care about her because she's pure evil.

Ha, that's gold. Under normal circumstances I'd encourage you to get an aplogy, but your past behavior doesn't warrant one. You kept on playing her games and showing her how weak you can be. She was smart enough to take advantage of your vulnerability.

Stop thinking about everything and leave this whole thing alone, forever.

reckless · Jul 29, 2009, 07:16 AM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Your problem is not so much in whether or not you listen or if you are hard headed as much as it is in the way you interpret things and try to work everything out in your head instead of chillin and just enjoying. Over analyzing and putting your perspective into every situation is killing you from getting anywhere.

Very true. I can't speculate on what might happen anymore. I can't even care. I have to just let it happen and let things be natural. If I just be myself and she doesn't want me back then it's not meant to be. I've been way over the top with all of this. I have no real rationale for my actions except that I've been through this before and I'm even more scared this time around

carlson92 · Jul 29, 2009, 07:21 AM

Good luck on starting NC. You had made the right decision. :) I have a way if it feels like the world is on your shoulder when you undergoing NC. Keep a calendar, mark as the day goes by, write little note on how you feel if your calendar has some space. Every 90 days check your progress, I can guarantee you if you're strong, you will feel so much more relax and happier with life without her as your partner.

__________________________________________________ _

NC since 29th June

jmw0713 · Jul 29, 2009, 07:24 AM

I didn't even fully listen to you guys' advice. I only really paid attention to the ones I wanted to read. I don't listen because I always think I'm right. It's a character flaw on my part. It's just who I am.

You're not the only one who only heeds the advice that they want to hear. A lot of people who are first time posters here do that.

most of all, I'm going to be with my friends more. Today I'm going to a water park to just relax and have fun. Thursday I'll invite someone over. Friday I'm already taken by another friend. Saturday is the play. I haven't planned Sunday yet.

This is what you should have been doing weeks ago. I'm glad you are finally coming around. These are the things that will allow you to finally get over her and move forward in your life.

I'm starting to believe you are finally moving in the right direction. Now stick to it! LOL!

N0help4u agrees: I think he said he is going to the play but she sold her ticket and isn't going

I guess I have to work on my comprehension and interpretation skills! :D