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royalandloyal · Jul 28, 2009, 02:46 PM

Ok. The fiancé has children from a previous marriage that was dissolved in 2003. The ages are a 10 year old boy and a 15 year old girl. His ex-wife is going through an on again off again relationship with her boyfriend. She is constantly texting my fiancé about random issues. Sometimes they are about the kids, but for the most part they aren't. I heard one of the conversations where she was talking about how she hates herself and wanted to know why her boyfriend treats her so bad, etc. The next text was about something funny she saw on T.V. This is crazy! I told my fiancé that I think he is entertaining her calls and text too much. It's obvious that she wants attention and she is getting that. My problem is that we could be in the middle of a conversation and she would text him. He would respond to it and keep talking to me. He tells me that he knows how to handle her and I shouldn't be upset. But she can make him sooooo upset and I have to deal with that. She constantly disrespects his relationship with the kids and yet she wants to text and chit chat on the phone. She calls him about simple decisions like whether her daughter can get a piercing and she already gave her permission to do so. Although he claims that she gets on his nerves and nags him, he put her pic on Facebook and told me that she is the mother of his kids and he needs to respect that. I know who she is, but she is causing a problem because he is allowing her to do so! I think this has gone too far! What can I do?:(

liz28 · Jul 28, 2009, 05:10 PM

Is she really causing problems or are you the one causing problems because your jealous of the relationship they share? Would you prefer they be enemies or friends?

She was his ex wife and they have kids together and even though they aren't together they manage to remain friends. Don't you think this is a good thing? You need to relax!

Btw, exactly how make time out the day does she contact him? Sounds like she value his opinons on things. Now if he doesn't like it then he should voice this to her and maybe things might change but if he doesn't see a problem with it then things will remain the same.

Your getting a preview of what marriage life is going be with him and if you can accept things now then you never will unless you change the attitude. If you think you can't then this is your chance to get out. You have a problem with her because you see her as a threat and maybe that view needs to be change.

s_cianci · Jul 28, 2009, 06:24 PM

Obviously they need to communicate with each other where the children are concerned. But I agree that when it gets into matters that don't concern the kids that it sounds like it's getting to be a little too much. Let him know how you feel and why. He needs to know what's appropriate and what isn't.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 28, 2009, 06:29 PM

Sorry but for me a piercing is not a "minor" thing and is something they should discuss.

My ex and I talk several times a day about our son ( he is 8)

Romefalls19 · Jul 28, 2009, 06:37 PM

My fiancé and her ex don't speak at all, but when they did. She made it perfectly clear to him that he has his life and she has hers, don't even think the two should ever be discussed. They would only talk about the girls, and rarely talked other than setting up the exchange.

Her and I discussed boundaries when it first got together, which was good. I told her what I could handle, and if she didn't feel as though she would be able to do that then it would be best to part. Obviously we found common ground.

You need to communicate with your fiancé and set boundaries and what you two are both comfortable with, it's called compromise.

I also agree, piercings are not little things.

N0help4u · Jul 28, 2009, 06:50 PM

It sounds to me like she is needing attention and he is the only one she has to turn to.
As long as he is going to accept her being a pain in the behind you need to accept it or else cause a conflict.
I think him saying he knows how to handle her means he isn't going to go getting caught up in feelings or emotions for her. He may still be allowing her to walk all over him but until he gets tired of it I would leave it alone so you don't come off as the nagging wife.