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hellonikki · Jul 28, 2009, 12:45 AM

OK so I'm a stuck in the past, really bad but I don't know why.

I dumped my ex because my needs simply weren't being met. He knew that was the case for a long time. I don't miss what we had because it was rubbish (in terms of what I wanted out of it), but I miss him a lot. And I still love him. But I thought for his sake I should leave him alone but I can only ever go like a week before I text and ring. He never responds though. Then he will randomly text me and I won't respond. Its like this game we play. And were always playing games.

it's really messing up any forms of relationships I could be having now because I can't get over my ex. I don't really know why this is but I think its because I can't have feelings for them like I do for my ex.

I guess I want to know why am I finding it hard to let go?

help.

(its urgently needed)

ps if anyone here can do readings into the past and stuff will you private message me? I think its some sort of past life thing going on here.

Blkgyrl · Jul 28, 2009, 01:11 AM

It is simply hard to let go of what we know. It is easier to hold onto an old love than move on the mystery and unknown of someone new. Although you tell herself that you do want someone new, you don't take the necessary steps to make that happen. Try journaling and/or listing all of the things that you miss about your ex and then write down all the things you actually want in a boyfriend. Does he add up? If not, then what are you really holding onto?

Best wishes and be good to yourself!

Blkgyrl · Jul 28, 2009, 01:24 AM

Originally Posted by Blkgyrl

It is simply hard to let go of what we know. It is easier to hold onto an old love than move on the mystery and unknown of someone new. Although you tell herself that you do want someone new, you don't take the necessary steps to make that happen. Try journaling and/or listing all of the things that you miss about your ex and then write down all the things you actually want in a boyfriend. Does he add up? If not, then what are you really holding onto?

Best wishes and be good to yourself!

Excuse the mistakes: there should be a "to" after "move on" and "herself" should be "yourself." =)

hellonikki · Jul 28, 2009, 02:13 AM

Lol I didn't notice those mistakes.

But yeah I made the list. And of course it didn't match: I could only write four things I loved about him and on my list of what I want from a boyfriend I had ten things!!

Wow I wish I had done that before.

I want to be friends though he was a very big part of my life and because of his support I managed to get through a lot. I've been doing all the contacting at the moment its very bad I know, but I just wish he would talk to me! I know I broke his heart by breaking up with him but I still want to be his friend. I care about him a lot.

I guess I just have to respect his decision and leave him alone if that's what he wants. I wish he would tell me straight up though! I just want to hear from him what he feels. But I always get nothing.

kctiger · Jul 28, 2009, 06:01 AM

As hard as it is to fall in love, it is that much harder to let go of someone we love. Absent of innocence and playful thought, letting go requires a defined and clear effort to do so. You have to actually try and apply yourself to doing it, which is hard going against your heart.

Forget being friends with someone. It is VERY rare that you remain friends with someone you had a very deep and passionate love for. Instead, focus on yourself and being able to let go. No calls, no texts, just live your life. You can't expect help if you don't first help yourself. You really have to WANT to let go before you begin to.

Originally Posted by hellonikki

i guess i just have to respect his decision and leave him alone if thats what he wants. i wish he would tell me straight up though! i just want to hear from him what he feels. but i always get nothing.

This is your answer, whether you can see it or not. His ACTIONS are telling you to leave him alone, as no words are needed.

royalandloyal · Jul 28, 2009, 07:09 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

As hard as it is to fall in love, it is that much harder to let go of someone we love. Absent of innocence and playful thought, letting go requires a defined and clear effort to do so. You have to actually try and apply yourself to doing it, which is hard going against your heart.

Forget being friends with someone. It is VERY rare that you remain friends with someone you had a very deep and passionate love for. Instead, focus on yourself and being able to let go. No calls, no texts, just live your life. You can't expect help if you don't first help yourself. You really have to WANT to let go before you begin to.

This is your answer, whether you can see it or not. His ACTIONS are telling you to leave him alone, as no words are needed.

I agree 100%! This is a great answer.

Chey5782 · Jul 28, 2009, 07:18 AM

KC nailed it on the head. I'd go with it and start trying to take steps for you. Journaling can be very good for this. So can taking active steps to move on with your life.

I wish · Jul 28, 2009, 07:58 AM

Breakups are always difficult. You just need to give yourself some time to get over the breakup.

However, one thing that is delaying your recoverying is that you've been in continuous contact with him. This is the reason no contact is recommended. Every time you talk to him, you reset the progress you've made, because you re-begin to over-analyze all the signs, which is unhealthy during a recovery.

So it's better to have zero contact so that you don't loose all the progress you make, so that you are in a better position to move forward. Only talk to him when you are completely over him, so that you feel more objective and won't over-analyze all the signs.