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royalandloyal · Jul 28, 2009, 12:58 AM

My fiancé might have a 3 year old child. His ex has claimed while pregnant and afterwards that the baby wasn't his. When the child turned one, she took the child around to his other children(who live with their mother) to introduce the baby without his knowledge. She has also been sending pictures to his mother and sister. Recently, she took an 800 mile trip to visit his mother. While they were in town(we live near mother), his mother called him and told him that he should come and see the baby. It would be his first time setting eyes on this child and he didn't call me and tell me that he was going to do this. I felt betrayed and deceived. I found out about this baby in 2006 and the test still has not been taken. I want to move on with our lives. I am afraid that he is getting too emotionally involved with this child and he doesn't know if it is his or not. While he claims he doesn't think she is his, he took pictures of the child and said that he was going to put them on Facebook. I think he is going too far without proof. If the child isn't his, he said that he will still keep in touch with her because the child would be without a father. I say, let her mother figure out who the father is and we go on with our lives! If the test say that she is his, we can proceed with everything else, but if not, I am not accepting the child as his and will not condone unnecessary arrangements between he and the ex to keep in touch with the child. As for his mother, she has already accepted the child as her granddaughter and that is her business. He says that I am mean and selfish about this because it isn't about me, its about the child. I think he is handling this all wrong. Please let me know if I am over or under reacting. This is crazy!:mad:

hellonikki · Jul 28, 2009, 01:11 AM

Urmm I hate to say this but I think you are... a little bit.

OK OK the baby has nothing to do with you but what if he just likes the idea of having a kid?
I know he's not dumb he must know there is a possibility its not his but what if he's just entertaining the idea?

I think you should let him for a little while by letting him spend time with the kid but the contact shouldn't be too much because if the kid does turn out to be someone else's he may hit rock bottom. But till you know for sure, let him pretend to be a dad if that'll make him happy. I don't think you want to falling out over this - so your just going to have to accept he wants to spend time with the kid

Hope that helped

royalandloyal · Jul 28, 2009, 06:33 AM

I do want him to go about things a better way. He really should just get the test. He already has 3 children that I was well aware of in the beiginning when we met in 2005. He knows what its like to be a father. I really believe that he should just take the test and not start putting pics up like that when he isn't sure. This is unnecessary strain for our household.

I wish · Jul 28, 2009, 06:39 AM

Make it simple. Take the appropriate tests to find out if the child is really his and go from there. Right now, it's complicated for no reason.

royalandloyal · Jul 28, 2009, 06:45 AM

I agree with the last post. I cannot understand why for all these years it hasn't been done. There should be no ongoing relationships, pics, or anything until this is taken care of.